Tag: Advice Columns

5 Simple Ways to Make Your Husband Smile….at YOU! – Marriage Mondays

Published on by Chauntel Delgado3 Comments

Hey Ladies,

If you’d rather keep him smiling instead of frowning and fightin’, you might want to consider these tips.

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by photostock

1. Take Time to Listen: As women, we sometimes get so caught up in ourselves that we sometimes forget to take a moment to listen to what our mate is saying. He may not repeat it a million times like we do, but if he said it then he must have meant it. So consider his feelings and make sure that he understands that they matter.

2. Make Him Feel Loved: Amidst the hustle and bustle of the day, we can forget the little things that he sometimes requests. Try to find 3 of those things that you can add to your week. Trust me he will notice. 

3. Be Attentive: When he talks about his hobbies that you don’t care too much about actually pay attention, and give a comment that isn’t snarky. Take the time to enjoy the conversation and even add to it. He mostly just wants to share with you, but he would love it if you actually cared about it.

4. Encourage Him: Men always want a woman who can add light to their life. If he mentions a new idea, or even an old one. Smile and if it’s not something that’s going to harm him in anyway encourage him and support his decisions.

5. Cook For Him: Ahhhh, you knew this was coming. Whether or not a man can cook, he always loves it when his lady does it for him. If you don’t know how learn.

If you do this right you will keep him around for a long time. ‘Cause guess what? It’s nice to be nice. 🙂 

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Domestic Violence and I have 2 Kids

Published on by Chauntel Delgado1 Comment

32-year-old Lesley writes:

Dear Chauntel,

I have 2 children their father passed away. I started dating 2 years ago a year back he started telling what to do, where to go where i can not go. And when i did not listen to his commands, he started beating and i kept quiet and he will tell me the next day that he did not mean to hurt me.

But now it is happening each and every week that i cannot attend church services coz im seeing other men.

Please help what do I do? I cant sleep at night  i wish that i could be around people all the time. My self esteem is so down. I feel useless.

by ambro domestic violenceDear Lesley,

It is difficult when you loose someone you love. Sometimes relationships like the one that you are in come into your life and become unbearable. I understand that you are in love with this man by the simple fact that you are still with him.

If not for your own life, you have been blessed with the gift of children, and for this reason you have to get out of this situation. This man does not mean any good to you. And it’s horrible to put your children through this. They do not need to see their mother being abused. It will tear them up inside.

I understand that you are in a controlling, abusive, and extremely dangerous situation. If he is controlling you to the point where you cannot even go to church you are going to have to get out soon. Make an excuse to leave the house and take the kids with you. Even if it is just the grocery store. Don’t take anything. That is not important. Take what is absolutely necessary and get out. There are women’s shelters that you can go to that will provide you with everything you need to start over.

This is a very unfortunate situation, and I will be praying for you. You need to seek help and support. Don’t try to do this alone. You may even consider reporting this to the police as soon as possible.

If you don’t get out of this situation your children will suffer. I am not sure of local agencies where you are, but if you visit http://www.domesticviolence.org they should be able to direct you to the services that you need.

Be Blessed and thanks for writing.

Chauntel

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12 Things You Should Say on a First Date – Fun Fridays

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Do Nice Guys Finish Last? – Weekly Poll and Radio Topic

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New Poll Every Friday! Vote!

My Military Parents Don’t Support My Career Decisions

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Grace writes:

Hello Chauntel,

Recently we moved as my family’s in the military. I will be a senior in high school next year and my parents have a certain college in mind for me. The problem is that i don’t want to go there. I know what i want to do for my career but they don’t want to send me to any schools that offer pre-vet classes. I found some decent colleges and prices but they still want me to stay in the state. i have tried several times to show them other options but if i don’t go to a college in this state they will hear none of it. Do you have any advice? Thank you in advance.
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Hi Grace,
It is very important to continue to show respect your parents, but when you begin making decisions that are not inline with their plan for you it can become difficult.
However, you have to express how you feel to them. In reality, you are the one who is going to be going to class and doing the work, and once school is over you will be working the job.
It is unfair for your parents to try to force you into a career that you don’t want to do, but trust me you are not the only one who is dealing with this. Our parents invest a lot in our lives, and into our education. Sometimes they do not know where to draw the line.
It is up to you to bring it to their attention, and you must be gentle in your approach. Make sure that they understand that you respect their wishes, but that you have to be the one to make this decision as it is going to affect your life directly. Ask them to respect your wishes. They may not, and if they don’t it is ok. In time they will come around.
What I don’t want you to do, is go to a college or pursue a degree that you don’t want. This would be a waste of your time and money.
What  I want you to do is respectfully decline your parents recommendation, and find a college program that is inline with your career goals and apply there.
I Hope This Helps!
Chauntel
email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

34 and Tired of Online Dating

Published on by Chauntel DelgadoLeave a comment

34-year-old Farzan from Sweden writes:

Hello Chauntel! I have a question and this is easier to ask a woman than a man.

When it comes to internet dating I know what to do, and I have meet many women different ages without problem. But im soo tired of internet and im seeing soo many women looking at me when im outside, at the bus stop, in a caffe and so on. My question is what to DO when a woman stares at u time to time. Im not blind, i know the look, im only shy 🙂 If u can give me few tip i can take it from there. I see sooooo many women look at me and i cant respond and i want to bang my head to a wall of being this shy.

 

computer Hi Farzan,

Women who continue to make eye contact with you are trying to signal to you that they are interested and waiting for you to approach them. I know this can seem odd, or even awkard for most men because guys don’t usually read body language as well as women.

It is just in our nature to send you a signal and wait for you to send one back. The problem with this is that signals can get mixed up and confused at times. So, if you see a women looking your way on a constant basis who slips you a smile, it might be safe to say that she is interested and trying to get your attention. It’s just a subtle way of flirting. So…how do you respond to this, right? I know that is what you were thinking.

You smile back making eye contact then you approach her. Say hello, introduce yourself, and start up a conversation. From there follow up with asking for her number because you enjoyed the conversation. If she is interested, she will comply and slip you her digits. If not, well she might have just been being friendly when she slipped you that smile, but it is definitely worth a try. It beats waiting at your computer glaring at your online dating profile.

Not to say that they don’t work for some, but it is not for everyone. If you don’t like it then don’t do it. Just get out more. Get around people, meet your friends friends. Go where women are, then you will have more to choose from. It is time to get out of your routine. Move away from your bubble so that you can begin meeting more women.

I Hope This Helps,

Chauntel

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Ask Chauntel Radio Starts Today at 3pm PCT

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This Weeks Topic: What attracts a guy to a girl?

We are all searching for someone to love. Love is the one thing that we are all in pursuit of. Embrace it, let’s talk about it. Do you have a question? Feel free to call in during the live broadcast or submt to askchauntel@gmail.com. Check out our website www.askchauntel.com

Here is the Link to the show:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/askchauntel/2013/07/11/dating-and-relationship-advice-from-ask-chauntel

Here is the Call in Number:
Call in to speak with the host: (646) 929-1389

You Can Also Tweet a Question to @askchauntel
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How to Approach a Girl : Re SimplePickup

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Chauntel expresses a women’s perspective on how men should approach a girl. She points out the points made in simplepickup’s video and adds her two sense! Watch!

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My Girlfriend Has Too Many Guyfriends

Published on by Chauntel Delgado1 Comment

21-year-old Ryan from Massachusetts writes:

Hi Chauntel!,

How are you? I had a few relationship questions.

1. I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 2 months and everything is great. She is on the field hockey team at school and hangs out with a lot of kids on other sports teams. She says she’d never cheat, and alot of the baseball kids are her best friends…..is there a way I can handle this because honestly i’ve never dated a girl with so many good guy friends.

2. She isn’t very romantic and I am, is there a way to coax her into being more romantic or do I give her space and let her come to me?

3. Since this is all new and my last relationship was of 3 years, what advice to you have to keeping relationships fun, healthy and happy.

Hi Ryan,

I love your questions, and I will address them one at a time just as you have asked them.

1. If your girlfriend is in an environment with a lot of guys, that is ok. You have to have confidence within yourself and your relationship. The two of you just need to sit down and develop boundaries on what is appropriate within your relationship when comes to hangouts with the opposite sex. Once you two have agreed on what is appropriate you have to trust her. I know it is a hard thing to do, but you have to do it for the sake of your relationship. When and if those boundaries are crossed then that is when you actually have a problem, but for the time being don’t make it an issue. It is not.

2. In most relationships one person is usually more romantic than the other. That is ok. It works out better that way because one person balances the other out. Now, the problem is when she is not willing to be romantic with you, but if she is in the moment with you and enjoying it, stop complaining. It is ok that you are the initiator. In fact, that is even better because you are the guy. But again, this is not a problem so don’t make it one.

3. Wow, you’re third question is a loaded one. I could probably write a book on it, but we will do what we can here. To keep a relationship fun, healthy and fresh you have to include excitement in what you do. Celebrate the little things. Compliment each other often. Always be in tune to what the other person is feeling. Don’t just listen to what they say, but watch their body language. Stay in tune with their emotions. Never, get into such a routine that you never do anything spontaneous. Think out of the box and find little ways to surprise each other. Communication is the key ingredient to this. If you have good communication and stay in tune with your mates emotions you will have the best chance at a healthy, fun, and happy relationship.

I also have an article that I wrote entitled: 10 Ways To Build a New Successful Relationship

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I Don’t Know How to Be Friends With My Ex

Published on by Chauntel Delgado1 Comment

24-year-old John from Dallas writes:

Hi  Chauntel,

I broke up with my ex in February because i wanted to finish my associate degree (which i did) and work full time to save for a car (in which i dont have yet). We’ve been great friends since. We still talk great. No sex involved. Some days I want it back. Some days i only want general sex with women i DONT care for. How do I know if we should try it again? Or if I need to be single?

Follow-up Question from Chauntel to John:

Hi John,

Those days that you “want it back” what is it that you are missing or wanting?
Those days that you “don’t care for her,” why is that?
Reply from John:

I want back the fact that I only need to worry about her and not making a handful of women happy.

On single days I like to flirt and know that if I had sex with a girl, another wouldn’t get offended. There would be no commitment.

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by by artur84

Chauntel’s Response:

Hi John,

I think it is great that you and your ex have remained friends, that is so important. However, I am not convinced that you are ready to be in a relationship.

I think it is comfortable for you to be with her, and that is why “some days” you like it. You are not that into her. It is nice that you are worried about her, but you cannot feel guilted into a relationship with her. That is not fair to either of you. She will end up being hurt in the long run if you continue to walk the line. Don’t send her mixed signals. If you guys are friends, then don’t make her feel like it is more. That is torture.

I also think you are just fearful of moving on.

Don’t mess up your friendship with her, unless you are sure that you actually want to pursue a relationship with her. If you do, both of you will end up hurt.

You are in the mood to play the field, and that’s ok. The only time that becomes a problem is if you put yourself in a committed relationship. Don’t do it.

I know that you enjoy the comfort of a girl to come home to, but you cannot have that and play the field. You have to choose one or the other. I would not advise you to jump back into a relationship with her. Give yourself sometime. You are obviously searching for something that you did not find in that relationship. Continue to respect her.

Don’t “accidently” have sex with her one-night and say it just happened, because guess what it will mean much more to her than it just being an accident. You seem like a nice guy so don’t force this.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

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