Pressured to Have My First Kiss

16-year-old Victoria writes:

Hi Chauntel,

I haven’t had my first kiss. I’m just the type of person who over thinks and I’m not quite sure how to kiss someone. I know first kisses might be over rated but I just want my to be something I won’t be embarrassed about. Thanks for everything hope you can answer soon.
Xoxo Victoria

by Ambro
by Ambro

Hi Victoria!

I know that everyone makes you feel like you have to have your first kiss by a certain time in order for you to be cool or accepted. However, don’t let the peer pressure get to you. You are not defined by your age when it comes to something as special as your first kiss. When it is time for it to happen it will. However, I do think you are putting a little too much pressure on it. It shouldn’t be treated as a chore! It should be fun and spontaneous. You learn most of it in the moment.

I Hope This Helps!

Here is a video that should help:

Should I Stay in My Long Distance Relationship

7th Grade Alyson writes:

Hey Chauntel,

I watch your videos and you give great advice. I was wondering if you could give me some advice right here. My boyfriend is moving away, and he is my best friend. It’s really hard to focus knowing that he’s leaving. I need some advice about what I should do, and if we should make it work or something. Then, we’ve talked about kissing. Well sort of… Our friends have talked about it, and agrees he should. But I really don’t know what to do. When should we do it, where? I really need to know what to do. I’m going Into 7th grade, and that’s pretty much the age everybody else has. So yeah if you could email me back, and please give me advice. That would mean the world for you to respond. Thanks 🙂

couples holding hands
by stock images

Hi Alyson,

First of all, thanks so much for your kind words, they really mean a lot. So I know this is a very hard time for you. There’s no getting around the fact that it will be very difficult.

However, I want you to know that you can absolutely get through this. It will be hard, but you have the strength within you to overcome the pain. It will hurt, and you will miss him because he has had a significant impact on your life. Even though it may seem like your world is crashing down in time it will get better.

If you want to kiss him, then by all means kiss him. However, don’t do it because you feel pressed to meet a quota. Just because “everyone else has done it or will do it by 7th grade” that is no reason for you to do it. Here is a quote I love to live by: “Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out!”

You have nothing to prove to anyone else. I want you to be happy with yourself. So, if you want to kiss him, on your own terms then great, do it, but whatever you do, don’t use this moment to meet a quota to please “everybody else”. When it comes down to it, this is your big moment. Your real experience. I didn’t have mines until I was ready and you shouldn’t either. Your first kiss should be special.

Here was my response to another viewer a while back about where to have a first kiss. It also applies here:

“The best place, is more about the best time. Where you are is not as important as how you feel.
However, any outdoor setting or couch setting would be nice. Steer clear from bedrooms though because they could lead to unwanted occurrences.

Romantic settings are of course the beach or anywhere near water. A drive in movie in the car is always cute. Holding hands in the park on a starry night is another great idea. Exotic places, near a fireplace, or even under the doorstep could also work.”

And – your last question was should you try to stay together and work it out. Here is my advice about that, ultimately you two have to make that decision. However, what I will tell you is that you are very young it long distance relationships are hard. They are not impossible, but they only work if you live close enough where you will be able to see each other at somewhat often.

They can also be very risky in the long run. You don’t have to cut ties with him, but at this point choosing to be friends who hang out from time to time may be an option you might want to consider. Unless you are in a very serious relationship I think it would be easier for you to take a break at this point. You can always revisit the relationship later. If it is meant to be it will be. I know this isn’t really the news you wanted, but just know that everything will be ok in time. I have two videos that I will leave you with.

Love You Lots!

Chauntel

How to Deal With Depression & Teen Bullying

Have you been depressed and looking for a way out? This video will help with that along with other issues that may be getting your spirit down. Even bullying can be overcome! Watch!

Videos Mentioned at end:

How to let go of Depression – Ask Chauntel with Reporter Elizabeth Espinosa

How to stop cutting yourself? – Life Advice for Girls – Ask Chauntel

 

 

How to Write an Action Plan

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Choosing to take action in your life is such an essential responsibility that we have. Making your dreams into goals makes an idea become a reality. If you are interested in taking action in your life today use the following method that I have created for you to see your action plan through.

To get started lets imagine a specific situation that you want to advance in your life. Once you have decided exactly what that is, we can get started.

Follow the steps below to create your action plan! You absolutely must write it down. I prefer pen and paper myself, but if you would like to type it up on your phone, tablet, or computer you can do that as well!

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1. Brainstorm! Write out a list of goals that you want to accomplish!

Screen Shot 2014-04-21 at 9.14.33 AMThese can be long term or short term goals or both. You may not make an action plan for each of these goals today, but it would be great to jot down a few extras that you will tend to in the future. The sky is the limit! Don’t hold back here 🙂 You should write down at least 3 to 5 goals.

2. Decide on a specific goal that you want to make a plan for today!

by Ambro
by Ambro

Keep your goal list that you created in the first step handy, and map out 1 or 2 of those goals today in your action plan process. Save the other goals for another day. This could be about your personal, romantic, professional, or spiritual life. Be as specific as possible. This will not be effective if you make it broad and general. This process is meant to be very detailed and specific.

3. How will you get there?

by stock images
by stock images

To determine how you will accomplish your goal, you are going to first write an over-arching statement.

For example, if my goal is to become a veterinarian, my overarching statement would be, “I will complete veterinary school and receive the degrees, certifications, and experience necessary to start working as a vet.”

4. Plan it out step by step.

by Ambro
by Ambro

Now that we have our overarching statement we are going to write small and measurable short term goals that are specific to our overarching statement(long-term goal). This should be a very long list of steps. If you have less than 10 you are definitely not writing enough steps. You should have between 10-30 steps here at least.

5. Decide on what parameters you will utilize to determine when and if you have accomplished your goal.

by stock images
by stock images

Here is where you will decide, at what point your goal has been accomplished. As you work toward your goal you should celebrate the small victories that you encounter, but once you reach your long term goal you should be able to recognize it! If not, you were not specific enough and your parameters were not distinct.

6. Map out the amount of time that you want to accomplish it in!

by stock images
by stock images

If you aimlessly make a goal without a time frame, your goal setting process takes on the shape of an elongated process that may or may not have a conclusion. Sound familiar?

Therefore, if you want to make this happen in a timely manner you have to plan it that way.

7. Make your steps work for you!

by stock images
by stock images

It may be helpful to begin this process by writing the day that you plan for your long term goal to be accomplished in a calendar or daily planner.

Then, record the short term goals that you planned out in Step 4  in your planner or calendar. In this step you will map out exactly when your long term and each of your short term goals will be accomplished. This will officially make you an action plan star!

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And that is it! You have created your action plan! Good for you. It is quite a process, but it is well worth it. It gets the job done! Happy Planning! Be sure to let me know how you do with your goals! I want to here about it!

He is Afraid of Commitment – Relationship Advice

by david castillo
by david castillo

Stacey writes:

Hello Chauntel,

Me and this guy have been hanging out every single day since we met for the past 3 months. Everyone thinks that were a couple and in a relationship because of our chemistry and that we look good together. I have been embracing our friendship and enjoying our time together he hugs me too and kisses me in public hold me and treats me like his girlfriend his family even thinks we’re together. He did tell me that he had commitment issues but only recently did he say he doesn’t see us as a item meaning he was pulling the friend card on me. What does this mean and what should I do because I am completely confused on how to people can be so good together in one can’t see that.

Hi Stacey,

Well, if you continuously went into this knowing that he has commitment issues, you couldn’t expect anything more.

Now this is not to say, that you shouldn’t want more. Just because it may seem like you are together to other people and it may even feel like it to you sometimes you know the truth, you are not. Don’t torture yourself with pretending that this is not the reality.

You have complete control over this situation. Either you are going to accept this situation just as it is, or you are going to part ways with this guy.

If he doesn’t want to commit you cannot, nor should you force him to. Don’t waste too much time here. Treat it as a casual dating relationship and keep dating other guys. He needs to get his feelings together, then you might have a shot at a real relationship. Until then you may as well just have fun with no strings attached. I know this isn’t what you want, but it is what you have.

If you don’t want it anymore, then let him know. At that point he may or may not choose to continue a relationship with you, the type of relationship that you want.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

How to Get Past the Awkward Stage in Your First Relationship – Relationship Advice – Ask Chauntel

Chauntel answers a question from a view who is struggling with how to communicate within their relationship without it being awkward. What can he do to move paste this stage of the relationship? What actions need to be taken? Watch! http://www.askchauntel.com

Vote in This Week’s Poll: https://askchauntel.com/2013/10/30/vote-ask-chauntel-viewer-poll/
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Videos Mentioned:
Fun & Cheap Date Ideas – Chauntel’s Fun Fridays http://youtu.be/82_0_u8fez4
How to Talk to Women

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New Video: 3 Keys to Preparing for a Healthy Relationship

Chauntel shares 3 key elements that you should consider when moving into a successful relationship! Have you been having a hard time choosing the right mate? Watch! http://www.askchauntel.com

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Natural Ways to Cure Bad Breath

Are you embarrassed to approach someone because you are afraid that they might get a whiff of what’s in your mouth? What causes bad breath? What can be done about it? Watch! askchauntel@gmail.com http://www.askchauntel.com

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Cute Ways to Ask a Guy Out- Ask Chauntel Advice Column

16-year-old Paula from the USA writes:

Hi Chauntel ,

I NEED YOUR HELP!

OK so I’am a Junior in high school, but I really like this guy who is a Sophomore . How do i ask him out ? Should I ask him out ? We are always making eye contact and smiling at each other so should I take the next step and ask him out , or should I talk to him ? That’s the problem we always say hey to each other , but our conversation really doesn’t go past Hello. How do i talk to him.. HELP ME PLEASE

Cute Date Ideas - Bowling
by franky242

Hello Paula,

The fact that you are at hello is a great start. Instead of outright asking him out you should encourage or inspire him to ask you out. That is the beauty of being a young woman, the power of influence.

He will perceive it as him doing the asking, but you will have done the initiating. How does this work? It’s simple.

Invite him to hang out with you and your friends. You can tell him that he can invite his buddies too. It can be a simple mall trip, miniature golf, or maybe  even a trip to the bowling alley, choose a group date along those lines. Once you are out with him, be yourself and flirt with him casually.

If he enjoyed his time with you he will initiate a future hang out. I wish you love!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Finding Love – Ask Chauntel – Advice Column

21-year-old Leslie from Namibia writes:

Hello Chauntel!

I’m a big fan of your videos. I met this girl on badoo(social site). She stays far from me, we’ve been chatting for 3months and haven’t met. I really like her and want to date her,but she said she doesn’t believe in true love, what can I do to change her mind? Secondly how can get her to come to where I’m staying? Please help!

Hello Thomo!

Here is the answer to your question:

How to Get the Girl I Love to Believe in Love