Pressured to Have My First Kiss

16-year-old Victoria writes:

Hi Chauntel,

I haven’t had my first kiss. I’m just the type of person who over thinks and I’m not quite sure how to kiss someone. I know first kisses might be over rated but I just want my to be something I won’t be embarrassed about. Thanks for everything hope you can answer soon.
Xoxo Victoria

by Ambro
by Ambro

Hi Victoria!

I know that everyone makes you feel like you have to have your first kiss by a certain time in order for you to be cool or accepted. However, don’t let the peer pressure get to you. You are not defined by your age when it comes to something as special as your first kiss. When it is time for it to happen it will. However, I do think you are putting a little too much pressure on it. It shouldn’t be treated as a chore! It should be fun and spontaneous. You learn most of it in the moment.

I Hope This Helps!

Here is a video that should help:

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First French Kiss Advice

Anna writes:

Hi Chauntel,

I have a boyfriend, and we have already kissed. ¬†But now i think we will French Kiss. I really want to but don’t know how. I am really nervous and scared.

Please write me back if you can.
Big fan of yours. Love Anna
Hi Anna,
Thanks so much for your question. You made a very important statement, that you really want to. I want to make sure that, that is absolutely true because you should not be forced or encouraged into doing anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Screen Shot 2014-11-07 at 10.58.53 AMNow, I am not a kissing expert, haha. However, what I can tell you is that this is something that you learn in the moment. Just follow his lead, go with the flow. You will quickly learn.
Most importantly take it slow. There is nothing attractive about a forceful tongue, when force is not wanted or needed. So, don’t rush it just let it happen slowly. You will get the hang of it.
Remember, to protect yourself. His hands should stay around your waist, not above or below. If he tries any funny business. Politely move his hands back to where they should be. He will get the message. If not, there is something wrong with that picture.
Thanks for your support!
I Hope This Helps!
Chauntel
email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com Tweet/Insta @askchauntel

Should I Stay in My Long Distance Relationship

7th Grade Alyson writes:

Hey Chauntel,

I watch your videos and you give great advice. I was wondering if you could give me some advice right here. My boyfriend is moving away, and he is my best friend. It’s really hard to focus knowing that he’s leaving. I need some advice about what I should do, and if we should make it work or something. Then, we’ve talked about kissing. Well sort of… Our friends have talked about it, and agrees he should. But I really don’t know what to do. When should we do it, where? I really need to know what to do. I’m going Into 7th grade, and that’s pretty much the age everybody else has. So yeah if you could email me back, and please give me advice. That would mean the world for you to respond. Thanks ūüôā

couples holding hands
by stock images

Hi Alyson,

First of all, thanks so much for your kind words, they really mean a lot. So I know this is a very hard time for you. There’s no getting around the fact that it will be very difficult.

However, I want you to know that you can absolutely get through this. It will be hard, but you have the strength within you to overcome the pain. It will hurt, and you will miss him because he has had a significant impact on your life. Even though it may seem like your world is crashing down in time it will get better.

If you want to kiss him, then by all means kiss him. However, don’t do it because you feel pressed to meet a quota. Just because “everyone else has done it or will do it by 7th grade” that is no reason for you to do it. Here is a quote I love to live by: “Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out!”

You have nothing to prove to anyone else. I want you to be happy with yourself. So, if you want to kiss him, on your own terms then great, do it, but whatever you do, don’t use this moment to meet a quota to please “everybody else”. When it comes down to it, this is your big moment. Your real experience. I didn’t have mines until I was ready and you shouldn’t either. Your first kiss should be special.

Here was my response to another viewer a while back about where to have a first kiss. It also applies here:

“The best place, is more about the best time. Where you are is not as important as how you feel.
However, any outdoor setting or couch setting would be nice. Steer clear from bedrooms though because they could lead to unwanted occurrences.

Romantic settings are of course the beach or anywhere near water. A drive in movie in the car is always cute. Holding hands in the park on a starry night is another great idea. Exotic places, near a fireplace, or even under the doorstep could also work.”

And – your last question was should you try to stay together and work it out. Here is my advice about that, ultimately you two have to make that decision. However, what I will tell you is that you are very young it long distance relationships are hard. They are not impossible, but they only work if you live close enough where you will be able to see each other at somewhat often.

They can also be very risky in the long run. You don’t have to cut ties with him, but at this point choosing to be friends who hang out from time to time may be an option you might want to consider. Unless you are in a very serious relationship I think it would be easier for you to¬†take a break at this point. You can always revisit the relationship later. If it is meant to be it will be. I know this isn’t really the news you wanted, but just know that everything will be ok in time. I have two videos that I will leave you with.

Love You Lots!

Chauntel

Is He Interested – Dating Advice – Ask Chauntel

He has been sending her mixed signals and she is having a hard time figuring out what it all means. Is this guy interested or not? Give your opinion and watch what Chauntel thinks about it! Chauntel gives advice to Samantha on what she should do to get her situation moving forward! Watch! email me askchauntel@gmail.com!

Vote: Is he Interested? – Watch the video first before you vote please ūüôā

Videos Mentioned at End:

How to Flirt: http://youtu.be/cASCmKBpIrQ

How to Talk to Women Conversation Topics:

How to Get Past the Awkward Stage in Your First Relationship – Relationship Advice – Ask Chauntel

Chauntel answers a question from a view who is struggling with how to communicate within their relationship without it being awkward. What can he do to move paste this stage of the relationship? What actions need to be taken? Watch! http://www.askchauntel.com

Vote in This Week’s Poll: https://askchauntel.com/2013/10/30/vote-ask-chauntel-viewer-poll/
Ask a Question by Clicking Contact: http://www.askchauntel.com

Videos Mentioned:
Fun & Cheap Date Ideas – Chauntel’s Fun Fridays http://youtu.be/82_0_u8fez4
How to Talk to Women

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New Video: 3 Keys to Preparing for a Healthy Relationship

Chauntel shares 3 key elements that you should consider when moving into a successful relationship! Have you been having a hard time choosing the right mate? Watch! http://www.askchauntel.com

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Natural Ways to Cure Bad Breath

Are you embarrassed to approach someone because you are afraid that they might get a whiff of what’s in your mouth? What causes bad breath? What can be done about it? Watch! askchauntel@gmail.com http://www.askchauntel.com

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Why Did God Make Me Black? – Ask Chauntel

Chauntel responds to a question from a viewer who gets personal about her struggle with being a young black women in a white world in West Virginia. How should she deal with the racism? Chauntel shares her own story and gives insights into what it must feel like to be a black girl in a white world. Watch! askchauntel@gmail.com http://www.askchauntel.com

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Cute Ways to Ask a Guy Out- Ask Chauntel Advice Column

16-year-old Paula from the USA writes:

Hi Chauntel ,

I NEED YOUR HELP!

OK so I’am a Junior in high school, but I really like this guy who is a Sophomore . How do i ask him out ? Should I ask him out ? We are always making eye contact and smiling at each other so should I take the next step and ask him out , or should I talk to him ? That’s the problem we always say hey to each other , but our conversation really doesn’t go past Hello. How do i talk to him.. HELP ME PLEASE

Cute Date Ideas - Bowling
by franky242

Hello Paula,

The fact that you are at hello is a great start. Instead of outright asking him out you should encourage or inspire him to ask you out. That is the beauty of being a young woman, the power of influence.

He will perceive it as him doing the asking, but you will have done the initiating. How does this work? It’s simple.

Invite him to hang out with you and your friends. You can tell him that he can invite his buddies too. It can be a simple mall trip, miniature golf, or maybe  even a trip to the bowling alley, choose a group date along those lines. Once you are out with him, be yourself and flirt with him casually.

If he enjoyed his time with you he will initiate a future hang out. I wish you love!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Finding Love – Ask Chauntel – Advice Column

21-year-old Leslie from Namibia writes:

Hello Chauntel!

I’m a big fan of your videos.¬†I met this girl on badoo(social site). She stays far from me, we’ve been chatting for 3months and haven’t met. I really like her and want to date her,but she said she doesn’t believe in true love, what can I do to change her mind? Secondly how can get her to come to where I’m staying? Please help!

Hello Thomo!

Here is the answer to your question:

How to Get the Girl I Love to Believe in Love