Tag: Ask Chauntel

Balancing Work and Family – Ask Chauntel

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21-year-old Mitch  from New Jersey writes:

Hi there Chauntel,

As of now I have been actively been pursuing a career in Investment Banking. I realize that as of now, I think this is what I want to do. It has been a dream of mine for the for the past few years in my life.

After talking with some of my business professors, I realize that the path into IB is not as glorious as it sounds. The pay is obviously very good, but it comes with a price. 100 hour work weeks are the norm, and with that being said there is not much time for anything else. One of my professors told me I can definitely get to where I want to be, but you will be a lone wolf on this endeavor.

After hearing his advice to me this makes me question my efforts. I see everybody around me going to parties and having fun, while most of the time I give priority to my school work. In terms of relationships, I would really love to fall in love with a girl. I thought I had that once, but eventually that ended and I have a hard time believing I will feel those feelings again for another person.

In a nutshell, what do you think I should do? Should I still continue my efforts to achieve my goal and run the risk that I could not even end up liking what I do and I wasted all my time and effort on something I do not like? I fear that one day I will not be happy and realize I wasted my time and effort in something that does not make me happy.

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by photostock

Hello Mitch,

The path to success does come with some sacrifice and a lot of hard work. However, you cannot allow that to overtake you. After all, you only have one life to live, right?

The key to sorting out your situation is first identifying your values, then assigning priorities to to those values. Decide what your number one priority in life is, then your second, then your third, and so on. Once you know what holds the most value to you, you can decipher where to prioritize. For example, if you value school more than partying, then you might prioritize studying over partying on Friday night, and that’s ok! I did it!

 Also, make friends who also have busy schedules and won’t make you feel bad about yours!

Life is about balance. If you do not aide the social side of you, you will most likely not be as productive at work because you will begin to dread being there. So, what should you do instead? Well, since you are aware that the field you are in is very time consuming, you will have to schedule in your social time. If you don’t you will not be as productive at work, which may eventually lead to burnout. I know I have done it 🙂

So, setting aside your personal time to socialize is just as important as setting aside time to study.

Specifically, when it comes to Investment Banking(IB), is that your passion?  If so, are you willing to put in that 100 hours a week? It really comes down to how important is it to you to be an IB? How much do you value it in your life? If you value being in IB more than you value having more time for social activities and a romantic relationship, then maybe IB is not for you.

However, if the “money” isn’t going to be enough for you, and those extra 60 hours a week are not something that you want to sacrifice in your life, then this is not probably not the career path for you.

Now, as far a romantic relationship goes specifically, it will be very difficult to find a woman who is willing to be with a man who works 100 hours a week. However, there is that woman out there.

So, if you do end up working 100 hours a week. You absolutely must set aside time for her, but keep in mind that you are also going to have to have personal time. These things are important for the relationship to thrive.

If you choose to have kids later on, it will make for a very estranged relationship with them, because you will barely have time for yourself.

So, find out what you value the most, then prioritize from there. I am sure that you can work 100 hours a week, and have a family but I can assure you that your relationship with them will be greatly affected.

I offer private coaching sessions if you would like to chat about his more.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel
Email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Video: Does Religion Matter in Dating? – Ask Chauntel – Advice Column

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Have you ever dated someone who does not uphold the same values and beliefs as you? Can this type of relationship work? Should you consider dating this individual? Watch!
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Cute Ways to Ask a Guy Out- Ask Chauntel Advice Column

Published on by Chauntel Delgado2 Comments

16-year-old Paula from the USA writes:

Hi Chauntel ,

I NEED YOUR HELP!

OK so I’am a Junior in high school, but I really like this guy who is a Sophomore . How do i ask him out ? Should I ask him out ? We are always making eye contact and smiling at each other so should I take the next step and ask him out , or should I talk to him ? That’s the problem we always say hey to each other , but our conversation really doesn’t go past Hello. How do i talk to him.. HELP ME PLEASE

Cute Date Ideas - Bowling
by franky242

Hello Paula,

The fact that you are at hello is a great start. Instead of outright asking him out you should encourage or inspire him to ask you out. That is the beauty of being a young woman, the power of influence.

He will perceive it as him doing the asking, but you will have done the initiating. How does this work? It’s simple.

Invite him to hang out with you and your friends. You can tell him that he can invite his buddies too. It can be a simple mall trip, miniature golf, or maybe  even a trip to the bowling alley, choose a group date along those lines. Once you are out with him, be yourself and flirt with him casually.

If he enjoyed his time with you he will initiate a future hang out. I wish you love!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

A Simple Thing to Consider When Choosing a Mate – Ask Chauntel – Advice Column

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couple embracing in love
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Hello Beautiful People,

I just wanted to leave you with a word of encouragement.

When you make the decision that you are ready to look for a mate, always be sure that you put yourself in the equation.

Don’t choose someone just to feel a void. Choose a person that compliments you. In fact, choose a person that completes you! And by the way…be bold and confident while you do it 🙂

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Vote: Should You Risk Your Friendship for a Relationship?

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How to Approach a Girl – Ask Chauntel

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Are you nervous to approach girls? Do you know what to say when you meet them? How do you let them know that you are interested? What do you say when you walk up to them? What kinds of questions should you ask? Watch! askchauntel@gmail.com

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Be on the Show!

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Hello Beautiful People! We am excited to announce that you can pitch yourself to be on “Ask Chauntel”.

be on the showWe are expanding the Ask Chauntel  brand to include interviews with individuals doing amazing things! I would love to know more about what you do so that we can have you on the show! If you live in the Southern California area we maybe able to set up a face-to-face meeting! Otherwise we may set-up a Skype or Google Hangouts session with you!

Spread the Word! Also, if you are promoting a noteworthy event we would also like to hear from you!

Contact Us at askchauntel@gmail.com

Or simply fill out the brief form below! Thanks!

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Thank you for your response. ✨

 

Why Won’t He Call Me His Girlfriend?

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by marin

So the guy you have been dating is a little skeptical about “titles”.

You feel like you are in a relationship with him, yet he doesn’t quite call you his girlfriend. This reality leaves you dazed, confused, and sometimes a little frustrated. So What do you do?

You get upset about it, but he always seems to find a way to make you forget about it when you are around him. He knows just what to say, and when to say it. However, when you’re alone all you can do is dissect the situation and try to understand it.

Why won’t he call you his girlfriend? It’s simple. He doesn’t want to commit to you.

Then you ask, well how can that be and why not? When you begin asking these two questions your frustration will build. Why?

Well, if I give you the honest answer you won’t feel any better about the situation than you did before you asked, but since you want to know I guess I will share.

When it comes to a committed relationship, guys can sometimes be scared off by the idea of being “stuck” with one girl. In many cases they would just rather leave their options open.

So, if you are dating “that guy”, what should you do? Well you can chose to take one of two options. One you can accept him for who he is and not pressure the situation, while also keeping your options open and dating other guys. If you choose this option be sure to add value to his life, you don’t just want to be “another girl”. However, keep in mind this can only go on so long because eventually you will move on, if you do this right. Reason being, you should be dating other guys who are a viable option for you. If this guy really likes you he will shape up in time, right before you move on.

Your second option is friend-zone him, and find a guy who is actually in the mental space to want a committed relationship. They are out there waiting on you.

BUT..whatever you do, don’t just get into a relationship, just to be in one. Settling is so not cute!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Should I Break-up With My Boyfriend?

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B writes:
Hi Chauntel,
I’ve noticed more and more lately that my bf is not the man I thought he was.
I was initially attracted to him when we began dating a year ago because he seemed so adult: gentleman, home owner, good job, responsible, etc. Then I feel in love because he’s sweet, caring, affectionate etc.
Lately though, I’m kinds “getting over it.” He doesn’t have money to take me on a date, but he has money to buy weed! Among other things…

I think the real kicker was a talk we had a month ago. We have different time frames when we want to marry each other (at least we want to marry each other lol). I think in 3 years is appropriate and he thinks in about 7-9++ who  His logic? He wants to grow up more, go to school, make more money. I respect that, BUT I see no initiative! I’ve gone with him to look at schools, for example, and he like…doesn’t follow through. So he says he wants to become a better person before he gets married, and I appreciate that…but I don’t see him doing anything about it. It’s like all talk.

Now I know better than to try to change his mind. I guess my question is, is it time to move on? I’m young and have no intention of wasting my precious 20s on someone who is all talk no walk with his drive/motivation, and who has money for drugs but not for dates etc.
Like I said, I was attracted because I thought he was grown up and I fell in love because of his heart. His heart is still golden, and I still love him. I guess my attraction is fading though because of this. Maybe the realization that we’re on not different paths but different paces left a bad taste in my mouth. Maybe his drug use it starting to get to me (I knew it from the first date though so I can’t pretend to be shocked). Maybe our differences are becoming more evident as we pass the one year mark.
Any perspective will give me a clearer head. Thanks Chauntel!
Screen Shot 2013-09-08 at 9.06.07 PMHello B!
I am going to take your question and answer it piece by piece. 
In response to your statement: 
“I’ve noticed more and more lately that my bf is not the man I thought he was.”
When this becomes a reality, we sometimes ignore it because we are so attached emotionally that we don’t want to let go. However, to be completely transparent with yourself and admit that he isn’t who you would wish for him to be, is monumental. With this knowledge, you also have to recognize the fact that you cannot change him, and you cannot romanticize over who you thought he was. In fact, in order to stay in a healthy relationship with someone you have to love the person that they are. 
 
He is a druggy. I understand that “weed” may not be considered as a serious drug to most. BUT… It is still a drug, and it is still illegal. Also,  weed is usually a gateway into other drugs. Unfortunately, this problem will probably not only persist, but get worse. Not only that, but fact that he is not meeting your needs, and is instead spending all of his resources on drugs, is a window for you to see into the bad choices that he is making in his life.
With this information, as much as you might try to settle it in your mind, and justify his actions(we as women do this often) you cannot turn the other cheek.
You deserve better, much better.
As far as talks of marriage, you shouldn’t marry someone who is making you feel this way. First off, you shouldn’t marry him because, you don’t like who he is as a person. (personal choices, career choices, choices concerning you…etc..) Second, you shouldn’t marry him because, he doesn’t appreciate who you are. Lastly, you shouldn’t marry him because, he isn’t serious about your relationship or your feelings because if he was, he would not be telling you that he will marry you in distant years like 7 to 9 years. Those numbers tell me that you two value different things in life.
When you choose to marry someone, all of your values and beliefs may not match completely, but they should be really, really close. Otherwise you will run into even more problems.
I would say, that your women’s intuition is speaking to you, and letting you know that although it feels good to have a relationship, and you like the idea of who you thought he was, this is not going well. It cannot be ignored. If you continue in this relationship, you will be settling. And my oh my, is that bad!
You deserve to have a man who will sweep you off of your feet, and this guy isn’t even trying. So, to you I say, yep it’s time to walk away. 
Being friends probably won’t work because your feelings run too deep. It’s already going to be hard enough to walk away, but you will be a stronger women for it. I wish you all the blessing and all the love in the world.
I Hope This Helps!
Chauntel
email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com
 

Vote on The Poll: Is There a Double Standard Between Men and Women in the Workplace?

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When men and women are going for the same position, it seems that men are getting ahead or making more then women. Is this a myth or is it reality?