Cute Ways to Ask a Guy Out- Ask Chauntel Advice Column

16-year-old Paula from the USA writes:

Hi Chauntel ,

I NEED YOUR HELP!

OK so I’am a Junior in high school, but I really like this guy who is a Sophomore . How do i ask him out ? Should I ask him out ? We are always making eye contact and smiling at each other so should I take the next step and ask him out , or should I talk to him ? That’s the problem we always say hey to each other , but our conversation really doesn’t go past Hello. How do i talk to him.. HELP ME PLEASE

Cute Date Ideas - Bowling
by franky242

Hello Paula,

The fact that you are at hello is a great start. Instead of outright asking him out you should encourage or inspire him to ask you out. That is the beauty of being a young woman, the power of influence.

He will perceive it as him doing the asking, but you will have done the initiating. How does this work? It’s simple.

Invite him to hang out with you and your friends. You can tell him that he can invite his buddies too. It can be a simple mall trip, miniature golf, or maybe  even a trip to the bowling alley, choose a group date along those lines. Once you are out with him, be yourself and flirt with him casually.

If he enjoyed his time with you he will initiate a future hang out. I wish you love!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

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Radio Archive: Should You Risk Your Friendship for a Relationship?

radio micAs promised in last night’s Radio Show here is the information for Beauty Blogger

Bernadette Ortega from <a href=”http://beautydette.com/”>http://beautydette.com/</a&gt;

and Wellness Coach Marlene Perez <a href=”http://wellnesswithmarlene.wordpress.com/”>http://wellnesswithmarlene.wordpress.com/ </a&gt;

We had so much fun on the radio show last night. The topic was:

The ladies and I really got into the topic at times sharing our personal experiences and giving introspective into the topic. Listen and call next week with questions and comments at (646) 715-3900 ext 10988. The link to the radio show is http://www.blogtalkradio.com/askchauntel

Here is the show:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/askchauntel/2013/09/20/dating-and-relationship-advice-from-ask-chauntel

A Simple Thing to Consider When Choosing a Mate – Ask Chauntel – Advice Column

couple embracing in love
by photostock

Hello Beautiful People,

I just wanted to leave you with a word of encouragement.

When you make the decision that you are ready to look for a mate, always be sure that you put yourself in the equation.

Don’t choose someone just to feel a void. Choose a person that compliments you. In fact, choose a person that completes you! And by the way…be bold and confident while you do it 🙂

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

He Says He Doesn’t Want to Be in a Relationship

24-year-old Ebony writes:

I recently ran into an old friend from High School, we exchanged numbers and I text him like a week later. He expressed to me how he always like me but I was only into school, that I was his high school sweetheart. I had no idea he felt this way about me and it sent me into shock.

He asked me out the next day and my response was “um.” Honestly I was still taking in everything he expressed to me the day before and how much love he had. He asked me if it was too soon and indecisively I responded “yeeeeea.”

a few days later after I processed his feelings and I processed my own, I expressed to him how I wish I would of said yes the first time, that I wanted to be with him and I knew he’d be good for me.

this is the exact text he responded with:
“truth is ‘im not ready for a relationship and can be friends. my job takes so much time and plus i’m gonna start school ebony and its not that i’m trying to avoid you its that I get no time for me AND its frustrating!! so i’m sorry ok”

my heart broke and I couldn’t understand what was happening and what I should do. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted , if I go down the list he’s the PERFECT guy for me (yes I said perfect)

I don’t want to loose him … what do I do now?

Hi Ebony!

Look at this as a blessing in disguise. He obviously doesn’t know what he wants, and you my friend can do nothing with a guy who doesn’t know what he wants. You dig?

So, don’t sweat it. If he doesn’t want a relationship then he doesn’t. At least he is being honest with you. He could have gotten with you, then cheated on you.

Cut your losses, there is a guy out there for you. He is wishy washy it seems. Don’t get your heart wrapped up in this. If and when he is ready, he will let you know. Until then, don’t fret just be cool, and see what happens. Stop putting so much pressure on this and just try to have fun. Ok?

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Should I Break-up With My Boyfriend?

B writes:
Hi Chauntel,
I’ve noticed more and more lately that my bf is not the man I thought he was.
I was initially attracted to him when we began dating a year ago because he seemed so adult: gentleman, home owner, good job, responsible, etc. Then I feel in love because he’s sweet, caring, affectionate etc.
Lately though, I’m kinds “getting over it.” He doesn’t have money to take me on a date, but he has money to buy weed! Among other things…

I think the real kicker was a talk we had a month ago. We have different time frames when we want to marry each other (at least we want to marry each other lol). I think in 3 years is appropriate and he thinks in about 7-9++ who  His logic? He wants to grow up more, go to school, make more money. I respect that, BUT I see no initiative! I’ve gone with him to look at schools, for example, and he like…doesn’t follow through. So he says he wants to become a better person before he gets married, and I appreciate that…but I don’t see him doing anything about it. It’s like all talk.

Now I know better than to try to change his mind. I guess my question is, is it time to move on? I’m young and have no intention of wasting my precious 20s on someone who is all talk no walk with his drive/motivation, and who has money for drugs but not for dates etc.
Like I said, I was attracted because I thought he was grown up and I fell in love because of his heart. His heart is still golden, and I still love him. I guess my attraction is fading though because of this. Maybe the realization that we’re on not different paths but different paces left a bad taste in my mouth. Maybe his drug use it starting to get to me (I knew it from the first date though so I can’t pretend to be shocked). Maybe our differences are becoming more evident as we pass the one year mark.
Any perspective will give me a clearer head. Thanks Chauntel!
Screen Shot 2013-09-08 at 9.06.07 PMHello B!
I am going to take your question and answer it piece by piece. 
In response to your statement: 
“I’ve noticed more and more lately that my bf is not the man I thought he was.”
When this becomes a reality, we sometimes ignore it because we are so attached emotionally that we don’t want to let go. However, to be completely transparent with yourself and admit that he isn’t who you would wish for him to be, is monumental. With this knowledge, you also have to recognize the fact that you cannot change him, and you cannot romanticize over who you thought he was. In fact, in order to stay in a healthy relationship with someone you have to love the person that they are. 
 
He is a druggy. I understand that “weed” may not be considered as a serious drug to most. BUT… It is still a drug, and it is still illegal. Also,  weed is usually a gateway into other drugs. Unfortunately, this problem will probably not only persist, but get worse. Not only that, but fact that he is not meeting your needs, and is instead spending all of his resources on drugs, is a window for you to see into the bad choices that he is making in his life.
With this information, as much as you might try to settle it in your mind, and justify his actions(we as women do this often) you cannot turn the other cheek.
You deserve better, much better.
As far as talks of marriage, you shouldn’t marry someone who is making you feel this way. First off, you shouldn’t marry him because, you don’t like who he is as a person. (personal choices, career choices, choices concerning you…etc..) Second, you shouldn’t marry him because, he doesn’t appreciate who you are. Lastly, you shouldn’t marry him because, he isn’t serious about your relationship or your feelings because if he was, he would not be telling you that he will marry you in distant years like 7 to 9 years. Those numbers tell me that you two value different things in life.
When you choose to marry someone, all of your values and beliefs may not match completely, but they should be really, really close. Otherwise you will run into even more problems.
I would say, that your women’s intuition is speaking to you, and letting you know that although it feels good to have a relationship, and you like the idea of who you thought he was, this is not going well. It cannot be ignored. If you continue in this relationship, you will be settling. And my oh my, is that bad!
You deserve to have a man who will sweep you off of your feet, and this guy isn’t even trying. So, to you I say, yep it’s time to walk away. 
Being friends probably won’t work because your feelings run too deep. It’s already going to be hard enough to walk away, but you will be a stronger women for it. I wish you all the blessing and all the love in the world.
I Hope This Helps!
Chauntel
email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com
 

Dating Advice – Love After College

Chauntel answers a viewer’s dating question about how he can find his magic woman in college who he could potentially marry! Listen!
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I Want Out of My Relationship

Darrah writes,
Hi Chauntel!
I’ve had dreams about me kissing my friend,  but I’ve got a boyfriend. I do feel for my friend, but not in a love way. It’s happened a couple of times and maybe its because I’ve been unsure.
If I want to break up with him because I never see him, and he’s not good at the long distance thing. I live in Aberdare in Wales, and he lives in Newport about and hour and 45 minute drive so can you give me any help.
Hi Darrah,
When you dream it’s your unconscious coming to light. However, conscious or not you have already made it clear that you are ready to let go of your boyfriend.
The distance doesn’t make this any easier. There is no need to drag this out, whether or not you have feelings for your friend, if you want to let go of the realtionship you are in then you have to be brave and do it.
It is not fair to either you or your boyfriend to stay in this relationship if you do not have true feelings for him. So you have to be honest with him, and let him know how you feel, honestly and truly. You can do it. Just pick the appropriate place and time. I hope that you can do this in person. Try to wait until you see him before you break the news.
I Hope This Helps!
Chauntel
Email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

New Poll: Who Should Pay on a Date?

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This is a new topic that has brought confusion to the dating world? How should this go? Who should pay?

New Poll every Saturday!

Cheap Date Ideas – Chauntel’s Fun Fridays

Have a Hot Date coming up and working on a budget? Chauntel gives you some creative date options that will work for your wallet! Watch! askchauntel@gmail.com

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I’m a Big Dude…How Do I Attract a Good Woman?

25-year-old Donald from Mississippi writes:

Hi Chauntel,

I’m a big dude, and I wanted to know how to attract a good woman? I’m so tired of being alone I’m ready 4 a family. I want to be a provider.

Hi Donald,

If you are ready for a family then, it is time for you to begin to take hold of your life. Pursuing a relationship in your frame of mind is unhealthy.

Before, you begin courting a woman and looking to build a family with her, you are going to have to find confidence in yourself.

So, you need to be confident in who you are before I would recommend that you begin pursuing a relationship.

What does this mean?

Your weight is not the problem, it’s your criticalness of yourself that is going to hold you back. If you don’t like the size that you are, and it is effecting your ability to be confident in who you are, then you need to begin making wiser decisions when it comes to eating right and exercising. This doesn’t mean starve yourself, or be at the gym non-stop.

In fact, in means just the opposite. You need to make a plan for your physical health. For your life, and the life of your future family. Get with a nutritionist who can help map this out for you.

When you begin feeling comfortable with yourself, then we can begin to think about what you need to pursue a long lasting relationship, but it seems to me that you aren’t quite ready.

Going into a long term committed relationship when you are so down on yourself will not be a healthy situation for you or your future spouse. I am glad that you want to begin making positive changes in your life, that is great, but we need to prepare you for those changes.

Be encouraged, it is not all about how you look. The woman is going to eventually look past that once she begins to see who you are. But in this case, you don’t feel comfortable with yourself, and I am not ready to advise you into a relationship until that changes.

Feel free to take advantage of my free 15-minute-coaching session by using the coaching coupon. 

When we get you mentally ready for a relationship after first establishing a love for yourself then we address the second part of your question. You dig?

Be Blessed

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

http://www.askchauntel.com