He is Afraid of Commitment – Relationship Advice

by david castillo
by david castillo

Stacey writes:

Hello Chauntel,

Me and this guy have been hanging out every single day since we met for the past 3 months. Everyone thinks that were a couple and in a relationship because of our chemistry and that we look good together. I have been embracing our friendship and enjoying our time together he hugs me too and kisses me in public hold me and treats me like his girlfriend his family even thinks we’re together. He did tell me that he had commitment issues but only recently did he say he doesn’t see us as a item meaning he was pulling the friend card on me. What does this mean and what should I do because I am completely confused on how to people can be so good together in one can’t see that.

Hi Stacey,

Well, if you continuously went into this knowing that he has commitment issues, you couldn’t expect anything more.

Now this is not to say, that you shouldn’t want more. Just because it may seem like you are together to other people and it may even feel like it to you sometimes you know the truth, you are not. Don’t torture yourself with pretending that this is not the reality.

You have complete control over this situation. Either you are going to accept this situation just as it is, or you are going to part ways with this guy.

If he doesn’t want to commit you cannot, nor should you force him to. Don’t waste too much time here. Treat it as a casual dating relationship and keep dating other guys. He needs to get his feelings together, then you might have a shot at a real relationship. Until then you may as well just have fun with no strings attached. I know this isn’t what you want, but it is what you have.

If you don’t want it anymore, then let him know. At that point he may or may not choose to continue a relationship with you, the type of relationship that you want.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com
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13-year-old Abby writes:

Hi Chauntel,

My boyfriend wants to kiss me he was going to today, but I got really nervous and chickened out. What are some tips you can give me? How do I start the kiss? Do I just continue kissing till he stops? How do I prepare?

Hope you can help!

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Hi Abby!

You should only kiss him when you are ready. There is no rush in this. I say let him be the initiator. He is the guy, so let him take the lead. Don’t time it or anything just let it happen naturally and go for as long as it seems appropriate.
Just know your limits. Before you go into this “first-kiss” situation know what you are comfortable with and not comfortable with. For example, don’t let his hands roam. They need to stay above the waste and away from your “special” areas. This video that I recorded should also be helpful!
I Hope This Helps!
Chauntel

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My BestFriend Has a Crush On Me…But I Don’t Like Her

15-year-old Matt writes:

Hey there Chauntel,

There is this girl that I have had a crush on for about a year and a half now. So I have been watching a bunch of videos on how to tell if a girl likes you. Well the other day a friend told me that my best friend Ots (also a girl, I am not gay) likes me. I have been friends with her since i was like 7.

And after that i noticed that she shows all the signs in the videos, but I always just thought she was being friendly.
Then on the next Monday was talking to Ots and a friend came and said something about Kaitlin ( the girl I like) when that person left Ots was just like “you like Kaitlin?” So I said yes then she said “I have to go… See you tomorrow” then hugged me and left. I have spoken to her since but she has been weird. Then on Thursday i was talking to Kaitlin and she said Ots hasn’t spoken since Monday, but they were really close. My problem is that I have my first date with Kaitlin this weekend but i don’t want to ruin friendships. I really like Kaitlin but i have been best friends with Ots for years!!!! What do I do?????

Hello Matt,

If you have feelings for Kaitlin then go out with her. If this other girl is really your friend she won’t un-friend you simply because you are interested in someone else. If she does, then she was never your friend to begin with.

You cannot live your life according to someone else’s watch. If she gets upset then that is her problem. You are not in a romantic relationship with her, and you don’t owe her anything. If she is your friend then she needs to start acting like it!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

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My Boyfriend is a Jew, and I am a Christian – Relationship Advice – Ask Chauntel

15-year-old Summer from England writes:

Hello Chauntel!

I have a boyfriend who lives maybe 30 minutes away by train. We meet on a online chat room, and the same week we agreed to meet.
We have meet 3 times since. He’s 16 nearly 17. We have only known each other 5 weeks.
He asked me out on the second time we meet, and i said yes. I can’t tell my parents because they are really strong Christians and he is Jewish, they wont let me have a boyfriend, let alone a Jewish one. I don’t want to tell them just in case they don’t let me see him.
He has told all his friends and family that we are dating, but saying we meet at a party not online because he’s embarrassed of where we meet.
We Skype nearly everyday and i really really like him What should i do?!
Love from
Summer
xxxxxxxx

Mom and Daughter
Hello Summer,
When it comes to religion, it gets really gummy. I understand your dilemma. However, keeping him a secret is not the answer.
If you were of a marrying age my advice would be different(mostly run far away, This won’t work out., I wouldn’t touch this with a ten foot poll!), but since you are  so young this is how I would approach your situation.
Go to you parents and tell them that you are interested in dating someone. Let them meet him. Try to stray away from conversations about religion. Don’t lie to you parents. If they ask then you must be honest, but if they don’t ask then don’t bring it up. Here is the thing, sneaking around, having secret train rides is dishonest and not safe. Also, you will loose their trust, and this for you will be unbearable.
They will trust you much more if you let them know that you met someone. If after you have to told them the truth, they still ban you from talking to him because of your differing religions you must respect their wishes.
As children of God, we must obey our parents. It is written, Ephesians 6:1, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right.”
Also, I wouldn’t make too big a deal out of this. It would be unwise to get into a deeply rooted relationship with him because eventually you will have to part ways.
The Bible informs us that to be together we must be equally yoked. What does that mean?
It means you have to be of the same mind. Meaning amongst other things, same religion, same values. There is a scripture in Amos, that says (Amos 3:3) “How can two walk together unless they touch and agree.” Now it doesn’t mean literraly touch. This verse in symbolic. Meaning on the same level spiritually.
I know that this can be annoying as well as  seem unfair. I have been in your situation. I was a little older, but it was the same type of thing. I was dating a guy who was of a different denomination that me. I am deeply rooted in mine. We couldn’t agree, and fought a lot. I thought to myself, how can I be with a guy who doesn’t believe the same things as I do. What will my children believe? It was then that I decided it would not be a good idea to become too deeply involved with him. I dated him casually until I met the next guy. The end goal was to find a man that I could eventually marry. Which I did, and he is a catch :)!
Now, the religion title itself is not what matters. The belief system is what matters. As long as you go into your relationship with this understanding then I think you will be ok. But I recommend that you let your parents know that you are dating someone. Again, SNEAKING AROUND BEHIND THEIR BACKS IS NO THE ANSWER.
I Hope That Helps!
Chauntel
Email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com
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How to Find Happiness After a Break-up – Relationship Advice – Ask Chauntel

sad girl by ambro

15-year-old Clarissa writes:

Hi Chauntel!

I was hoping for advice on how to get my life on track and be healthy, happy again after being completely depressed and devastated from my ex of one year breaking up with me. Life has just been really hard lately, and I just have no motivation for anything anymore. Thank you so much Chauntel!

Hi Clarissa,

Thanks so much for your question. When relationships don’t work out the way that we would like for them to,it can be very painful. Sometimes when that hurt goes really deep within us we can slowly become more and more depressed.

It is for this reason that some people are afraid to get into committed relationships. They are afraid of getting hurt. However, we cannot allow our emotions to define our actions. We must push through them until we reach a place of acceptance and let go of what once was to feel what is.

You remember the good times, and keep those memories, then you make the decision to create new ones.

Here is the reality. Love is beautiful, and when it leaves we will feel pain. Instead of allowing the pain to overtake us we must take each relationship as a learning experience, and learn from them what we can. Then we should begin focusing time on ourselves and finding what truly makes us happy.

Sometimes we may not feel like being happy. You may not have the appetite to eat, or have the energy to get out of bed, but we have to push through that. Eventually the pain will subside and you will actually begin enjoying the things that you used to, and even appreciate life that much more.

So, you have to push through it girl! You are going to get through this, and you have to believe that. It starts with you believing that you can, and just doing it. Wake up every morning with a smile on your face and eventually you will be happy. Prepare your favorite meal and you will eat it.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

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