I Don’t Know How to Be Friends With My Ex

24-year-old John from Dallas writes:

Hi  Chauntel,

I broke up with my ex in February because i wanted to finish my associate degree (which i did) and work full time to save for a car (in which i dont have yet). We’ve been great friends since. We still talk great. No sex involved. Some days I want it back. Some days i only want general sex with women i DONT care for. How do I know if we should try it again? Or if I need to be single?

Follow-up Question from Chauntel to John:

Hi John,

Those days that you “want it back” what is it that you are missing or wanting?
Those days that you “don’t care for her,” why is that?
Reply from John:

I want back the fact that I only need to worry about her and not making a handful of women happy.

On single days I like to flirt and know that if I had sex with a girl, another wouldn’t get offended. There would be no commitment.

Image
by by artur84

Chauntel’s Response:

Hi John,

I think it is great that you and your ex have remained friends, that is so important. However, I am not convinced that you are ready to be in a relationship.

I think it is comfortable for you to be with her, and that is why “some days” you like it. You are not that into her. It is nice that you are worried about her, but you cannot feel guilted into a relationship with her. That is not fair to either of you. She will end up being hurt in the long run if you continue to walk the line. Don’t send her mixed signals. If you guys are friends, then don’t make her feel like it is more. That is torture.

I also think you are just fearful of moving on.

Don’t mess up your friendship with her, unless you are sure that you actually want to pursue a relationship with her. If you do, both of you will end up hurt.

You are in the mood to play the field, and that’s ok. The only time that becomes a problem is if you put yourself in a committed relationship. Don’t do it.

I know that you enjoy the comfort of a girl to come home to, but you cannot have that and play the field. You have to choose one or the other. I would not advise you to jump back into a relationship with her. Give yourself sometime. You are obviously searching for something that you did not find in that relationship. Continue to respect her.

Don’t “accidently” have sex with her one-night and say it just happened, because guess what it will mean much more to her than it just being an accident. You seem like a nice guy so don’t force this.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

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My Crush is Ignoring Me…What Should I Do?

Carmen writes,

Dear Chauntel,

I have a huge problem and I decided to ask you for help. So I went out with my crush and everything was great he told me that he likes me, I told him that I like him too. Then he was begging me to kiss him so I kissed him. We talked and he told me that he wants us to go slow I said ok. He told me that he had a wonderful time with me. I saw him 5 days after out date, he was with his friends and he didn’t even say hi to me! Then I texted him, and he didn’t answer. What should I do??? please help!
Hi Carmen,
Lets not jump to conclusions. It is possible that he did not see you. If you texted him while he was out with his friends he might have overlooked it.
Now, if a few days go by and you still get no communication from him, he is not into you. It is possible that he is not ready to introduce you to his friends. That could mean many different things.
1. He may not know you well enough yet.
2. He is embarrassed of you for some reason or another.
Here is what I would do in your situation. I would wait it out a couple of days. Don’t call him, text him, facebook him, nothing. If he hasn’t hit you up in a few days text him:
“Hey, how are you?”
See if he replies. If he does follow-up with:
“I really enjoyed hangin’ out the other day.”
If he replies, follow up with:
“I was out (wherever it was) the other day, and I saw you out with your friends. I was (explain what you were doing)”
Then see what he responds with. He may play it off like he didn’t see you. Or he may be honest and tell you that he did see you and explain himself. You don’t even have to ask, but I would  NOT accuse him of ignoring you. It is too soon for all of that.
Then, invite him out to do something. See if he is into it. That should give you and idea of where his head is. If he is responsive, then great don’t worry about that little drama. However, if you are still concerned about it just keep an eye on him.
If he takes too long to introduce you to his friends, then something is up. However, it is too soon for you to be concerned. Cool?
I Hope This Helps!
Chauntel
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What to do if a guy doesn’t like you?

13-year-old Claire writes:

Hi Chauntel,

There is this boy i have liked since second grade and i can not even explain how much i want to just hug him. i have asked him many times if he would ever go out with me and my friends have asked him also, but he always says no……. I cry every time 😦 i just want to know how to get him to go out with me and there is a big dance next year and my only dream is to go with him to the dance.. but i am trying to gain self confidence but i think i am still ugly…  i am the kinda girl who plays softball and volleyball and where my hair up almost everyday… i kinda think he likes me but would be embarrassed to go out with me because of his friends but he also texts me and talks to me on the phone and we tell each other almost everything so please help me………… you can just answer by emailing me back…. p.s. i am the one in the white shirt…

Hi Claire,

You cannot force this guy to like you. In fact, if he was honest and let you know that he was not interested you should have let it go. I know it is not an easy thing to do, but if you don’t you will just be annoying him and making yourself more upset. So, just let this one go. You will find another crush who will like you back!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

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How to Approach a Guy

Ana from New York writes:

Hey Chauntel,

I really like this guy, but, I’m very nervous to talk to him. Even on facebook. lol. In person it’s easier, but Facebook, forget it. lol.

 What should I do?
ImageHi Ana,
Men, are pretty simple. They don’t get hints. However, they have big egos and like to take charge.
The problem that most men have when approaching a women is they fear rejection. So…all you have to do is open the door for him. Make it easier for him to converse with you. Don’t take his role, just encourage him along. How do you do that? You achieve this by outwardly flirting with him. You would be surprised what you can do without saying a word. Men aren’t always the best with communicating verbally, but most are pretty clear with physical communication. So, you need to improve on  expressing your emotions through communicating through body language.
First make eye contact. Make sure that he gets it. You should confirm 3 sure glances. Each time smile, with her chin down and your eyes up. If he is away from you wave at him.
Once he approaches you smile, and flick your hair back. Make some small talk, but do it in a hurry. You want to talk to him just long enough for him to be intrigued to get to know more about you. Then, you find a reason for why you have to leave, this creates a sense of urgency.
Follow this up with giving him your number. Let him know that you are looking forward to his call as you enjoyed your conversation. Then, leave. Get out of dodge.
As far as you being scared, or nervous oh well, you have to work through it. You cannot get what you want by hanging in the stands. You have to get in the game and play. That is just the way it is. Be confident and go get yo’ man girl!
I Hope This Helps!
Chauntel
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