Dealing with a break-up or know someone who is? Chauntel has some great tips on dealing with and overcoming your break-up. You don’t have to go through this alone, there are people around you who care about you and want to help! These basic tips will get you out of your depression and on track to moving on and growing within yourself! Watch!
Videos Mentioned at End:
How to Deal with Depression
http://youtu.be/seAU1subOFw
How to Set a Goal and Plan for Success
Hello Jewels!
Today I am inspired to share with you the proper way to communicate when you are upset with your romantic partner(boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife). Communication alone is difficult for most of us, but no one said that sustaining a healthy relationship would be easy. However, just like anything else if you want it to be good it takes time and effort.
When we are upset with our partners, there are usually two responses we may give. Our first instinct may be to give them the cold shoulder. Some may begin yelling uncontrollably. However, we well know that neither of these reactions will solve the problem.
If you choose to give them the cold shoulder, which in turn is choosing not communicate, you may find yourself at odds for a painstaking long time. This extended amount of time at odds just forces the situation to become more uncomfortable. Coincidently, Â what you were upset about at the beginning becomes distorted develops even more problems.
On the other hand, if you choose to begin yelling at them, not only do both of you raise your blood-pressure, watching  the veins pop out of your necks, but you may also find yourself in a daze of anger. So, what is the best way to deal with this?
You have to talk calmly to one another, and it has to be in the right setting. Meaning the conversation should be held privately. Don’t have these types of conversations in front of children or friends. Sometimes, these conversations make you feel vulnerable, and they can become heated debates. You do not want your children to see this. Friends and family should also not witness this conversation. It can become very personal and it is best to be held privately. Many times, the way you handle this will determine the strength of your relationship.
Watch your words because you don’t want to end up saying something ugly simply because you were caught up in the moment. If you find yourself getting upset take a moment and count to 10. This will give you a moment to gather you thoughts, so that you can proceed forward with the conversation.
Be sure that when you are having the conversation you are honest about your feelings and be sure not to say things simply out of anger, or the desire to make your spouse/bf/gf hurt more. Also, don’t hold your feelings in. You cannot rectify the problem if you do not share with your partner what is wrong.  Your goal here should be to identify the problem and find a solution. Do not ignore it and sweep it under the rug. It will only get worse. This must be a collaborative effort. Both of you have to put time into this, and work to make it better.
Lastly, after the issue has been resolved. Show some physical sign of remorse. Apologize, and figure out how the situation will be handled in the future.
I Hope This Helps!
Have a questions? Click here, tweet me, or email me at askchauntel@gmail.com!
Chauntel
Hey Guys!
So, I am going to spice this blog up a bit. Hopefully you all will like and be accepting of the changes. The content that I post will continue to include dating and relationship advice. However, I will also be sharing business and professional advice too! You will also see fashion and lifestyle blogs as well. This will be the first of many. I am really excited about it, and I hope that you are too!
My sister and I were hanging out yesterday, and she gave me a little make-over. By changing up my hair and giving me bright purple lips she gave me a look that boosted my confidence and gave me a new vibe. If you take the time to add a little something special to your look it will boost your confidence and make you feel great about yourself. It is also simply a lot of fun! So give it a try and tweet me photos @askchauntel
Also be sure to watch my new video featuring my amazing little sister!
Love you lots!
Hugs and Kisses!
Chauntel
Ever been in a situation where someone else is interested in your boyfriend or girlfriend? How do you handle the situation?
If you have an Instagram is it absolutely necessary to put the photo of your significant other on your profile? Is it necessary? If you don’t post one do you seem unfaithful? Watch!
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16-year-old Ella from London, England writes,
Hey Chauntel,
I just watched your video on YouTube answering someone’s question on how to get over your first love and I just wanted to tell you my story and see if you could give me some advice when you have the time.
When I was 14 I went out with a boy called James. We were only together for 2 months but I was amazed by him I thought I’d found my soul mate.
We broke up because things weren’t working out and when I look back now I feel that was the right decision because I was just too young and dumb to know the ins and outs of a relationship and how to really treat someone you love.
The last time I saw him back then was valentines day 2012 and that broke my heart as that is a special day to anyone in a relationship! A year went by and and James and I started talking on text and we became really close friends however I still hadn’t seen him since the day he broke up with me. I saw him February 2013 at a party and we got along so well. We spoke the whole night and then one thing led to another and we were kissing by the end of the night. A couple of parties later, the same thing would happen and we both started to realise we wanted to give “us” another go.
In March 2013 James asked me to be his girlfriend again. (I’m 16 so I felt the time was right). I said yes of course and the relationship was great for the first few months! I gave him everything as I really wanted him to be the one. He was my first for everything (and sex). I guess we had sex early on in the relationship it was about 3-4 months in to it. We both felt that the time was right and I loved him so so much so I wanted to do it and so did he.
The day before our 6 month anniversary, James broke up with me (this was only a couple of weeks ago). His reason is that he just wants to be a teenager and have fun with his mates and then find a relationship later on in life. He said he thought he could have a serious relationship but he realised he couldn’t. This has broken my heart! Everyday I think about him constantly and I can’t get him out of my mind. I wanted him to be “the one”. I love him to death, I really do and I just can’t cope with how I’m feeling. I just want him back.
It doesn’t help seeing him talking to another girl over twitter and posting pictures of himself with her. It makes me sick because he broke up with me because he doesn’t want a relationship yet he’s getting close to another girl, and so soon!!
All of my friends have gone now because we were in one big group but now they’re all doing their own thing and going with James as well. I have no one but my mum and I’m lucky to have her but I just feel so lonely.
I’ve started to take things out on myself and I’m scratching my wrists with sharp objects and I don’t even know why. It makes me feel better at the time and then I just feel down because I ask myself “why are you doing this?!”
I am still messaging him and I know he doesn’t like it because he’s getting annoyed with me constantly telling him i cant cope and how much i miss him but  he never contacts me now and it makes me feel horrible because for 6 months we were so close and now its like i don’t even exist to him anymore.
I can’t cope. I just want him back but I don’t know what to do. If I could go back in time a couple of months everything would be perfect. It’s crazy how I can be so happy one minute and now all my dreams have just crashed down. I’ve never felt so low.
I hope you can help.
Hi Ella,
Getting over your first love is a very difficult situation to overcome. However, the majority of us have to face this reality. Why? Well, although young love can be quite fun and exciting. It is usually short lived. Now, don’t get me wrong it doesn’t always work out this way, but this is usually the reality.
The video that you watched, told the story of a girl who had a story almost identical to yours.
This is what you need to do. You need to find the strength deep within yourself to let him go. I know that, that seems nearly impossible. I also understand that you cannot imagine a reality where you are not head over heels in love with this guy, but it is time to begin imagining this is a possibility. From there you will grow into  acceptance, where you can  begin accepting that this romantic relationship is truly over. Once you do, you will be able to move forward.
Why must you accept it? Well, you are in a state of denial. You are reminiscing on what was and comparing that to what it could have been instead of focusing on what is. What is is, he cared about you enough to let you go. Now that may seem confusing, but it is not. He was honest and straightforward about how he felt about you. What more can you ask for?
Don’t take it personal, he didn’t want a commitment. I know that that is disheartening. I know you are probably thinking, “How could he? Why would he. We had something wonderful”, and you did. So, instead, of beating yourself up about it appreciate the relationship for what it was, take what you learned from it and continue moving forward.
This whole situation is completely under your control. Now, you cannot control his current and future relationships. BUT what you can do is take ahold of your own life and relationships. Hurting yourself absolutely will not bring him back. Twitter stalking will also not bring him back. If I were you I would stop following him on Twitter entirely. This way you won’t have to see his post. Also, note that, being clingy will drive him further away.
Honestly, do you even want him back? Considering that he doesn’t want a commitment, and  you cannot stand to see him with someone else, I think not.
You will find a guy who wants the same things as you do, and when you do you will remember this relationship as a distant past-time that had an effect on you when you were 14.
Harming yourself as a result of your feelings for him, is just not fair to you. You have to change your state of mind, and I  want you to get help for you NSSI (Non Suicidal Self-Injury). Although, It is how you have chosen to deal with the pain its time to make a change in your life. Harming yourself physically will only result in more pain.
So here is what I need for you to do, if you are comfortable with it, let your parents know that you need to see a therapist . That way you can be treated for NSSI. If that is too bold a move, and you are not comfortable talking to your parents about this, please go see your school psychologist.
I Hope This Helps!
Chauntel
email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com
Ps. The Video She Was Referring to:
Hello Beautiful People,
I just wanted to leave you with a word of encouragement.
When you make the decision that you are ready to look for a mate, always be sure that you put yourself in the equation.
Don’t choose someone just to feel a void. Choose a person that compliments you. In fact, choose a person that completes you! And by the way…be bold and confident while you do it 🙂
I Hope This Helps!
Chauntel
email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com
Are you nervous to approach girls? Do you know what to say when you meet them? How do you let them know that you are interested? What do you say when you walk up to them? What kinds of questions should you ask? Watch! askchauntel@gmail.com
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AC Videos Mentioned:
How to Approach a Girl: http://youtu.be/IuDMBeyBuTM
How to Flirt: http://youtu.be/cASCmKBpIrQ
How to Talk to Women – Conversation Topics: http://youtu.be/KGXDUeYrGjQ
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