I Don’t Know How to Be Friends With My Ex

24-year-old John from Dallas writes:

Hi  Chauntel,

I broke up with my ex in February because i wanted to finish my associate degree (which i did) and work full time to save for a car (in which i dont have yet). We’ve been great friends since. We still talk great. No sex involved. Some days I want it back. Some days i only want general sex with women i DONT care for. How do I know if we should try it again? Or if I need to be single?

Follow-up Question from Chauntel to John:

Hi John,

Those days that you “want it back” what is it that you are missing or wanting?
Those days that you “don’t care for her,” why is that?
Reply from John:

I want back the fact that I only need to worry about her and not making a handful of women happy.

On single days I like to flirt and know that if I had sex with a girl, another wouldn’t get offended. There would be no commitment.

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by by artur84

Chauntel’s Response:

Hi John,

I think it is great that you and your ex have remained friends, that is so important. However, I am not convinced that you are ready to be in a relationship.

I think it is comfortable for you to be with her, and that is why “some days” you like it. You are not that into her. It is nice that you are worried about her, but you cannot feel guilted into a relationship with her. That is not fair to either of you. She will end up being hurt in the long run if you continue to walk the line. Don’t send her mixed signals. If you guys are friends, then don’t make her feel like it is more. That is torture.

I also think you are just fearful of moving on.

Don’t mess up your friendship with her, unless you are sure that you actually want to pursue a relationship with her. If you do, both of you will end up hurt.

You are in the mood to play the field, and that’s ok. The only time that becomes a problem is if you put yourself in a committed relationship. Don’t do it.

I know that you enjoy the comfort of a girl to come home to, but you cannot have that and play the field. You have to choose one or the other. I would not advise you to jump back into a relationship with her. Give yourself sometime. You are obviously searching for something that you did not find in that relationship. Continue to respect her.

Don’t “accidently” have sex with her one-night and say it just happened, because guess what it will mean much more to her than it just being an accident. You seem like a nice guy so don’t force this.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

Email questions to: askchauntel@gmail.com

http://www.askchauntel.com

9 Things a Girl Should Never Say to Her Boyfriend!

10 is laugh at him! Chauntel gives women advice on 9 things they should never say to their boyfriend. Funny! Watch! askchauntel@gmail.com http://www.askchauntel.com

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How Can I Change Myself to Get a Boyfriend

14-year-old Mila from Germany writes:

Hey Chauntel!

I have a big problem.

I’m in love in this one guy, but I don’t know how get him to like me.

I’ve seen lots of your videos but i’ve tried to do your advice but it won’t help.

I’m 14 , asian, and i have glasses.

Sometimes, I feel really ugly because i think that i have a very big nose and small eyes && when i’m smiling my nose looks even bigger, i’m always wearing glasses because i look gross without them because i have small eyes. I really need your help. I want know how i can change myself or do something to get a boyfriend.

Hi Mila,

I have never been to Germany, but I assume that there aren’t many Asians where you go to school. With that being said, it is a constant battle for you to gain a sense of self identity.

I can relate to that. Many times throughout elementary, middle school, high school, and college I was the only black chic in the class. In college I had Asian roommates. Many of the times they were foreign exchange students from Korea and Japan. What I learned from my international roommates and friends is that Asian women like all other women, are constantly comparing themselves to other women.

Please, stop doing that. So what you have small eyes? I have small eyes too, and they get even smaller when I smile. Putting glasses on as a shield is not going to make your eyes look any bigger or make your nose appear any smaller.

What you have to do is embrace what God has given you. You can use light make up to make your eyes appear bigger, using eyeshadow and eye liner. You can also choose hairstyles that are flattering to your face.

And no, I do not want to see you change your face. I know we live in the days of plastic surgery and photoshop. So you are comparing yourself to what appears to be beautiful, but it’s just not real.

You are real and more than anything to attract a guy you need to build confidence within yourself. No guy wants to be with a girl who doesn’t have confidence. It is unattractive. So what do you do, stop hiding and embrace who you are. Know that we all have flaws. Nobody is perfect. God made you just the way you are for a reason, and please don’t compare yourself to others. I take the quote from a movie “Why try so hard to fit in, when you were born to stand out.”

I Hope This Help!

Chauntel
Askchauntel@gmail.com
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How to Talk to Women When You are Nervous or Shy

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How to Tell Her You’re Better Then Her Boyfriend

Lemon Head from Louisiana writes:

There’s this girl I like at my school. She has a boyfriend but they broke up and got back together again. He did something bad that almost made her break up with him. I have information that could make her break up with him what should I do. I really like her and I’ve come to a conclusion that she may also like me, I know this because of her body language. I’ve written her secret admirer notes. I saw her read one, the next day she was really happy. She dyed her hair frome red to black, I asked her why and she said she needed change in her life. Should I give her the information.

Screen Shot 2013-06-24 at 2.46.18 AMHello Lemon Head,
If the information you have to share with her deals with her physical health then yes you should share it with her. Otherwise, you should not share this information with her. She will most likely become defensive of him. Thus, you will end up in the dog house with her.
The best way to approach this situation, is express to her that you don’t think he is the best for her. Then be there for her and when the time is right, express interest in her. Use this opportunity to let her know that you respect her relationship, but that you think she should know how you feel.
The key here is making sure that you choose the right time.  Then, you have to wait it out from there, but keep your options open.
BUT DON’T….and I repeat DON’T be clingy. It is unattractive. Just be sweet and then be somewhat unavailable. That will make you seem more interesting to her, and she will be more intrigued to get to know you better, you dig?
One More thing>>> This video should be helpful:
 
I Hope This Helps!
askchauntel@gmail.com

How do you tell your parents that you are dating someone?

Dalia writes:

How do you tell your parents that you are dating someone?

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courtesy of David Castillo Dominici

Hi Dalia,

Whenever you chose to express important information to someone that  you love you have to choose the appropriate time to do so. That means, you should not share this type of information when your parents are occupied with other things.

You should choose a time that you and your parents have together without any distractions. Choosing to do so in the middle of their favorite television show or while they are on the phone is not a good idea.

The best time to have a serious conversation with your parents is when they are relaxing and don’t already have a lot on their mind. For example, if you know that they had a bad day at work, or they are stressed about something going on that day, it’s probably not a good time to give them this type of news.

It is important to remember not to choose a time that is great for you, but terrible for them. This is a selfish choice, and you will probably not get the type of support that you are looking for.

However, choosing the appropriate time to share this type of information is only half of the battle. You have to prepare yourself for their reaction. You have to keep in mind that they may or may not support your decision. You are their baby, and they still see you as such. They may not be ready for you to be in a relationship. It is important for you to be respectful of their wishes.

Choosing the appropriate time, will afford you the opportunity for them to have the best reaction possible. Sharing this information is important, and doing so is good and very mature of you. Also, don’t give this information when you have guests with you. This should be done at a time when you are alone with your parents. You should choose to share this information when you all have leisure time, this will make the process less stressful. Always, remember your parents love you, and they want the best for you. Therefore, it is important to share and be honest with them.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

http://www.askchauntel.com

askchauntel@gmail.com

How to Tell if a Guy Likes You

15-year-old Apple writes:

Hi Chauntel,

I am in high school and I think a guy likes me but in not sure. My friends asked him before if he likes anyone and he said no but then his sister Asked him and he said he didn’t know. Does that mean he’s still trying to figure it out? Or does it mean he Doesn’t. Also me and my friend both like the same guy and I think he knows that. He mentioned something about going on a date with me, in front of me but idk if he was joking or not. I love your videos and I hope u reply!

Hi Jessica,

Hi Apple,
If he mentioned going out on a date with you infront of you then that means that he is interested in you. If he says that he doesn’t know, then it means just that. He probably doesn’t know you well enough to know if he likes you yet. The best thing to do is get to know him better by building a friendship with him. Flirt with him and see if he asks you to go out.
Here are a few videos that I think you might find helpful.
How to Date a Quiet Boy
 
Does He Like You

Interracial Dating Help Please!

19-year-old CJ writes:

Hi there Chauntel!

I just wanted to ask you about my situation. Well here’s the situation. This girl that works at the same place I work at (Walmart) is whom I really like. Shes black. Now I’m Filipino and shes Jamaican. Just saying lol

Someone in my department had told her that I like her and I heard that she smiled about it. So what does that mean? Is that a sign that she likes me as well? Or just so that shes flattered and plus she’s 22 and I’m 19 turning 20.

Hi CJ,

Well, a smile is universal for happy. Beyond that, there is not much else we can know for sure.
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What I recommend is you approach her, and ask her out for ice cream. See if she is interested. Schedule the time a little after lunch, but before dinner. If Ice cream goes well you can take a walk in the park right after, or schedule time to meet up again. The next meet up time will be for a more formal date like dinner, and an activity like: bowling, miniature golf, hiking, or something else that is interactive and will give you all the opportunity to talk. Save the movie for the second or third date, you cannot talk much at a movie.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

askchauntel@gmail.com

http://www.askchauntel