http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jd2VQZDfCgs
Chauntel gives advice on where your hands should go during your first kiss. Where should his/hers go? What do you do afterwards! Watch! askchauntel@gmail.com
Tag: Advice Columns
Interracial Dating Help Please!
19-year-old CJ writes:
Hi there Chauntel!
I just wanted to ask you about my situation. Well here’s the situation. This girl that works at the same place I work at (Walmart) is whom I really like. Shes black. Now I’m Filipino and shes Jamaican. Just saying lol
Someone in my department had told her that I like her and I heard that she smiled about it. So what does that mean? Is that a sign that she likes me as well? Or just so that shes flattered and plus she’s 22 and I’m 19 turning 20.
Hi CJ,
Well, a smile is universal for happy. Beyond that, there is not much else we can know for sure.
What I recommend is you approach her, and ask her out for ice cream. See if she is interested. Schedule the time a little after lunch, but before dinner. If Ice cream goes well you can take a walk in the park right after, or schedule time to meet up again. The next meet up time will be for a more formal date like dinner, and an activity like: bowling, miniatureĀ golf, hiking, or something else that is interactive and will give you all the opportunity to talk. Save the movie for the second or third date, you cannot talk much at a movie.
I Hope This Helps!
askchauntel@gmail.com
Should I Date My Friend? – Ask Chauntel
Ginny writes:
Hey Chauntel,
I asked u a question a few months ago and you gave me a great answer.Ā I was wondering if you could give me advice on another issue?
I use to have a crush on one of my friends ( haha but all the girls did at the time). We really got close this year and I really opened up to him. He really help me sort things out with my life and he’s always there ready to help with what ever. I started to except that we would just be best friends cause he never gave any indication to wanting more. While we were texting yesterday I asked who he liked and he said “guess”. I didn’t want to guess me cause I was afraid of rejection. so I kinda acted like I didn’t know what he was talking about. He said “the friend ” he liked that he thought God was pointing him to her and he thought that God made them get so close so he could see the similarities.
Me and him are soo similar. I’ve never had that kind of connection with ANYONE. Im just so confused bc we’ve been so close and I don’t want to try and lose my best friend but at the same time I’ve never been so compatible with anyone like I have with him. In a way I think of think its the right thing to do and I feel like god made our paths cross for a reason.Ā Can you give me any advice?Ā I’d really appreciate it. I don’t know what to do.
Hi Ginny,
God truly has a way of working in our lives. I truly believe the scripture that says, “All things work together for them that love the Lord,” found in Romans 8:28. If you continue to let God guide you he will take you exactly where you want to go in life. So continue to live in his will.
As for the guy, I think it is great that the two of you have built a friendship. In order for your relationship to grow you need a solid foundation in friendship. Since you have that you are already at a great start.
Here is my two sense. If you like him and he likes you, love is worth the risk. Please keep in mind that if you date your friend the dynamics of your relationship will change. The good news is, if it doesn’t work out Ā you two will still have a good chance at being friends because you have built a solid foundation in your friendship!
I Hope This Helps!
Chauntel
askchauntel@gmail.com
How To Attract a Guy When You are an Athlete
15-year-old Brooklyn from Canada writes:
Hey Chauntel,
I play numerous sports, get good grades, and am outgoing! But yet I still can’t attract a guy, my bestfriend has guys all over her and yet I can’t even interest one. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, help!
Hi Brook!
I am so glad that you are in sports! That is awesome both for your health and for your future. It is helpful for your health because you are getting great exercise! It is helpful for your future because if you keep working hard you may eventually get a scholarship. Also, it is good to involve yourself with an extracurricular activity as it keeps you busy and away from trouble.
As far as the guys go, they love athletic girls, but that should not be your reason for being an athlete. You should be an athlete because you love it, not because you hope to attract a guy. However, being an athelete will put you in the “cool” category in school most of the time, and it will make you more appealing to guys.
Ā Here is one thing that I want you to keep in mind, you should not be comparing yourself to your bestfriend. Sure it is easy to do that because she is your age, and you are around her all the time. But…you have to consider that fact that you are your own person. The fact that you are bestfriends must mean that you compliment eachother and are probably different in many ways. With that said, you should not worry about the guys that she is attracting. If you want a guy, they you have to create the opportunities for you to meet and be around them.
Now, granted being an athelete is attractive, but it is also time consuming. The time that you might be spending hanging out at the mall, or movies, or other places will be spent in practice. This limits the time that you have for boys. The fact that you play an all girls sport limits the amount of time that you are going to have for guys. I am not saying that you cannot have both sports and boys, but what I am saying is give yourself a break your time is limited. You are a busy girl between school and sports. Relationships take time to initiate and to grow.
Most of the time, the best relationships come when you least expect it. So….if you want a guy, you are probably going to have to meet him at lunch, or in class. I wouldn’t rush this. You have plenty of time for guys. Stop driving yourself crazy. Be patient, when you have the time you will attract the guy.
I Hope This Helps!
Ā Chauntel
How do I Focus on One Woman- Dating Advice- Ask Chauntel
Chauntel gives advice on how to focus your attention to one lady! Watch! askchauntel@gmail.com. This is part 1…… Part 2 Here is your response Korsa it is on my blog! http://askchauntel.blogspot.com/2012
Why am I still single?
Chauntel explains 7 reasons why you have not found your mate. What are you doing wrong? Watch! askchauntel@gmail.com
My Bestfriend and I Like the Same Guy…I Think???
Confused writes:
Dear Chauntel,
I have a crush on a guy but i think the guy likes my best friend. I was too shy to talk to him and I\’m afraid that if I just randomly come up to him and start talking he will just feel really awkward and try to walk away. I\’m the type of girl who is fun to be around if i know someone really well but if i don\’t know someone, i just start to panic and become really quiet. My crush and my best friend are in the same class and somehow they always get paired up with each other. My crush keeps trying to talk with my best friend. Even though my best friend is not interested in him I somehow feel that she is afraid to tell me that she likes him. My best friend sometimes tries to avoid him and at other times tries to be friends with him. Although i didnt see the both of them talking but i know that they talk. I have heard it from several of my other friends and also my best friend who keep complaining to me (sometimes) about how annoying my crush is.I told everyone that i\’m not i nterested in that guy and i\’m trying to move on but it sometimes hurts me to see … Am I doing the right thing? Plz answer as fast as you can and tell me where i can find your answer. Thanks a lot for taking the time to read this and sorry for the grammatical mistakes.
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Hi Confused,
I encourage you to be honest with your best-friend. Don’t pretend not to like the guy. Why lie about it?
However, if she does like him then the two of you should leave this guy alone because this could really effect your friendship. Don’t be afraid to talk to him. How else can you get to know him better?
Start with a smile and hello. It doesn’t have to be a long conversation.
Ā The main thing here is you do not want this guy to end up affecting the relationship that you have with your bestfriend. Bestfriends don’t come along often, and when they do you should cherish them!
I Hope This Helps!
Chauntel
askchauntel@gmail.com
10 WAYS TO BUILD A NEW SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP – RELATIONSHIP ADVICE – ASK CHAUNTEL
29-year-old James writes:
Hello Chauntel,So, a female friend of mine who frequents your youtube videos suggested i look you up on youtube. Ā After some convincing I did just that, and i must say, you have some pretty good advice and you give a sound perspective from a reasonable woman (at least you seem reasonable on your videos, lol)….
…a little about me – Somewhat recently there has been some changes in my life, I ended up getting a divorce and basically starting over with a lot of things in my life. In my mind this is one of the worst things that could have happened because I don’t like divorce but it turned out being for the better especially after the truth reared it’s ugly head about my ex-wife. I wasn’t expecting things to pan out that way but they did and I dealt with it and it made me a better man….
…I took some personal time for a while (about a year and a half), I kinda stayed off the “scene” and i have only dated 2 women since I’ve been single. these were both very, very, VERY short lived relationships as i kinda knew right off the back that I wasn’t feelin it too much. Recently I met this VERY nice woman who’s relationship back ground is extremely similar to mine. Ā She has a lot of qualities that are rare these days and what I’ve been looking for for a long time She is divorced also, and dealt with some unfortunate treatment from her ex as well that she had to overcome. I am really liking what i’m seeing from her so far and we have MANY similar interests and we have a really good vibe together….I don’t want to make something work if it’s just not meant to be BUT from what I can see so far that isn’t going to be an issue. …..for lack of better words, Help me keep this woman… lol
i look forward to your response
Hello James,
I am so glad that things are going well between the two of you. Although, I am not aware of why your past relationship did not work out.Ā I can give you a few general things to consider when looking to make a new relationship last.
I have written 10- Ways to Build a New Successful Relationship. These are forĀ serious relationships.
1. Build a Solid Foundation in Trust
If you take time to build trust inĀ each-other,Ā your relationship will not break or waiver. You should be able to have faith in one another. So that you won’t have to stockĀ each other’sĀ phones, emails, andĀ FacebookĀ accounts.
2. Learn the Value of Compromise
It’s not about you, and it is not about her, it about the “us.” What can “we” do to make both of “us” happy. Sometimes, it is best to let her have her way. I know you are not married to her yet, but think of the saying “Happy Wife, Happy Life.” For you it may be letting her choose where the vacation might be or what color we should paint the bathroom.
It goes both ways for women too. Most of the time, it deals with different topics, though, such as letting you drive theĀ motorcycleĀ even-thoughĀ it scares her to death. She might choose to let you do it, because she knows you love it, and it will make you happy.
3. Pay Close Attention to Detail and be Compassionate
If she doesn’t want to have sex you should be able to read her body language, and you should not pressure her to do anything to make her feel uncomfortable. Also, you should know when she might need a massage, or when you need to take the spoon from her while she is cooking on the stove, and tell her to have a seat. Maybe slip her a cute little coupon made by you with some cash that says, “Pamper Yourself” Hair, Nails, Be Beautiful!
4. Exercise Active Listening Skills
If she is talking, listen. Don’t just stare at her lips, but actually take time to pay attention to what she is saying. AndĀ paraphraseĀ it back to her when she is done so that she knows that she was heard and understood. This provides her with assurance that the two of you are on the same page. Women need a lot of reassurance, it is the emotional part of our being.
Ā
5. Learn to Communicate Effectively
Even if you don’t want to talk about it, please do. If you don’t it gets worse. However, it is important to know when it is appropriate to have a particular conversation.
Ā
6. Set Boundaries from the Beginning
The two of you should know your roles. Are you a modern couple or are you traditional. Do you guys go dutch or do you always pick up the tab? Or do the two of you switch off? Do you plan Ā to have children or are you done with having them? If you do have children where will you live? How will they be raised? Who is the bread winner of the family? Will she want to work or be a stay at home mom? Are you ok with her staying atĀ home? Are you ok with her working?
Can the two of you have friends of the opposite sex? If so what is appropriate with keeping those relationships alive? What are both of your feelings about this?
Ā
7. Take it Slow but Know Your Limits
In every relationship, at least one person wants to make a serious commitment. Is there a timeframe? Do either of you care? Is it even time to go in this direction, maybe its too soon to think so serious?
The two of you need to know each others limits to some degree. It may be something that is expressed and discussed from the beginning, and it may not, but some type of understanding must be established.
Ā
8. Be Sure That Both of You are Aware ofĀ Each-othersĀ Expectations
What are yourĀ expectationsĀ of her, and what are her expectations of you. Most of these you learn as you go, but some need to be discussed in more detail.
Ā
9. Talk About the Non-negotiables and Find a Consensus
As you are beginning to get more serious within your relationships, you must talk about your 5 non-negotiables. For example: children, religion, education, career and location…….etc.
Ā
10. Be a Great Active ListenerĀ
Listen closely to what she is saying and identify the challenges that she is expressing, and do your best to counteract those challenges.
I Hope This Helps!
Chauntel
askchauntel@gmail.com
How to Not be a Rebound – Ask Chauntel
Terrance writes:
Dear Chauntel,
Ok so I started dating this girl right after she broke up with ger BF of two years, we’ve been going together for a month and I fell in love with her, I dont want to get hurt, what to do…
Hi Terrance,
Coming into a new relationship with someone when they have just come out of one can be difficult.
It takes a lot of patience on your part because you have to be understanding of what she is feeling. Beyond that you must also be aware that she may or may not be in the best emotional state to be receiving a relationship.
With all that in mind how can you ensure that you don’t get hurt and don’t end up a rebound? You cannot. However, you can take these precautions.
If you feel that the person that you are in the relationship is not ready for commitment, don’t try to pressure them into it. Guard your heart as much as you can while you wait it out. It will be easy for them to throw themselves into their new relationship and ignore what they are feeling from their past relationship.Ā It is up to you to be aware of that, and take things slow.
Don’t rush into anything serious until you are confident that they have left their last relationship in the past. If you build a friendship with your lover slowly you will be in tune with what they are feeling. When you feel that you
are both on the same level of thinking and feeling then the two of you can slowly start moving into a more committed relationship, but not before.
I Hope This Helps!
Chauntel
Send your questions to askchauntel@gmail.com
Is He Too Busy For Me? – Relationship Advice – Ask Chauntel
Hi Chauntel,
We talked everyday over Facebook for like 2 in a half months. For a few weeks he’s now too busy. He has work, school, boxing. I’m understanding about it to a certain extent. I’m a Scorpio so I told him I demand attention before we got involved. Which is true! That’s my nature, I told him how I felt and he feels strongly about me too so he says. He just said that everything else comes first. So in my head this is how I perceive our situation.
3 months ago.Him: Hey, your really pretty. So I’m going to give you all my time, I’m going to have long conversations. I’m going to compliment you and give you millions of you cute nicknames without coming across as an ***. You’ll like me cause I’ll reply back multiple times in a day and we’ll have fun conversations.
Me: AwwwHim: I’m mainly doing this cause nothing’s going on in my life. When something happens I’ll slowly stop telling you things. And because we were never official and this is a long distance thing we can just be friends. But I still like you! It’s just something grabbed my attention more than you’re doing now. So just be happy that we’re talking there’s no rush.Me: Okay, so I was just the latest toy on the shelf. You have new ones that you like better but don’t want to throw me away due to sentimental value, however you’re going to leave me on here to rot?This is how I perceive everything. He’s an amazing guy, the best I’ve ever encountered but he doesn’t even reply back in the same day, sometimes 2 days. He says I’m being obsessive which I can be and was being lately do to the fact I feel like he’s ignoring me. He says he’s not, that he’s just busy.
Me: AwwwHim: I’m mainly doing this cause nothing’s going on in my life. When something happens I’ll slowly stop telling you things. And because we were never official and this is a long distance thing we can just be friends. But I still like you! It’s just something grabbed my attention more than you’re doing now. So just be happy that we’re talking there’s no rush.Me: Okay, so I was just the latest toy on the shelf. You have new ones that you like better but don’t want to throw me away due to sentimental value, however you’re going to leave me on here to rot?This is how I perceive everything. He’s an amazing guy, the best I’ve ever encountered but he doesn’t even reply back in the same day, sometimes 2 days. He says I’m being obsessive which I can be and was being lately do to the fact I feel like he’s ignoring me. He says he’s not, that he’s just busy.
I don’t know what to do. I feel like we’re in a relationship without being in a relationship. I want to end it but then I don’t because he is so amazing. I just feel like if your life was so busy and you knew how I felt/was (I was very straight forward in the beginning) why would you even continue to speak to me. I know he has a life, I don’t want all his time. I just want to know his life because there is still so much we don’t know about each other. Also I don’t want to just give up when things don’t work, life isn’t about taking the easy route. But I’m considering moving on, without telling him. Like keeping my options open, talking to other guys, finding myself. Just having fun, cause he’s obviously too busy with his life. What should I do?
Hey Love,
Well….The guy is busy and that is a good thing.Ā That means he has a passion about something. Give him time. Don’t pressure him too much. The point is that he is including you and that matters.
It may not be all you want, but as long as he is giving you time and making you feel appreciated that is all you can ask Ā for.
I Hope This Helps!
Chauntel
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