Mommy Monday- 4 Week Postpartum and Baby Update

I am so excited to share our small milestones for this week! Enjoy! Subscribe and stay connected!

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Kendra Chooses to Stay With Hank Baskett After He Cheated- Should You Stay Married After Infidelity?

Screen Shot 2014-12-10 at 12.46.09 PMKendra Baskett has been thrust into the spotlight since her time in the Playboy Mansion. The reality star and model starred in the E! reality television series Girls Next Door. This series documented her life as one of Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends. She now headlines her own reality series Kendra on Top. With all of this time in the lime light Kendra has shared intimate moments of her life with a broad audience. Her husband Hank, of six years, allegedly cheated on her with a transexual model, Ava London. Hank was very remorseful and went into a deep depression surrounding the time of his affair, he shares with US Weekly. “For the past two years, I’ve gone through a serious struggle with depression, and during that time I lost the ability to open up toScreen Shot 2014-12-10 at 12.49.50 PM my best friend, Kendra,” Hank told Us Weekly. “I had trouble thinking of the right thing to say the right way, especially in a situation like this, where it’s your word against someone else’s.” When the story about her perfect marriage, looking to be in shambles, broke Kendra found it difficult to deal with all of the pressure of media. However, she handled it gracefully. During, her exclusive interview with Access Hollywood Kendra defended her marriage. Then, in a later interview with Giuliana Rancic, Kendra stated: “I cannot shut this man down. I’m willing to spend the rest of my life trying to figure this out rather than spend one night single.” Whether or not you agree with Kendra’s decision, you must believe that it took a lot of strength for her to stand up against the media’s chastising of her decision to stay with Hank. Do you agree with Kendra’s decision, vote below? My Opinion: I feel that Kendra made this decision based on what was best for her. It’s easy to point fingers and say what she should do, but its her marriage and her life. Unless, you can live it for her, let her make her own decision and don’t ridicule her for it! We can all take time to judge what Hank has done, and most would tell her to leave him. However, we do not have all the facts, and we are not in their relationship. If their love is strong enough to survive, then let it go on! But Kendra, if these patterns with Hank continue get-out-of-dodge!

First French Kiss Advice

Anna writes:

Hi Chauntel,

I have a boyfriend, and we have already kissed.  But now i think we will French Kiss. I really want to but don’t know how. I am really nervous and scared.

Please write me back if you can.
Big fan of yours. Love Anna
Hi Anna,
Thanks so much for your question. You made a very important statement, that you really want to. I want to make sure that, that is absolutely true because you should not be forced or encouraged into doing anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Screen Shot 2014-11-07 at 10.58.53 AMNow, I am not a kissing expert, haha. However, what I can tell you is that this is something that you learn in the moment. Just follow his lead, go with the flow. You will quickly learn.
Most importantly take it slow. There is nothing attractive about a forceful tongue, when force is not wanted or needed. So, don’t rush it just let it happen slowly. You will get the hang of it.
Remember, to protect yourself. His hands should stay around your waist, not above or below. If he tries any funny business. Politely move his hands back to where they should be. He will get the message. If not, there is something wrong with that picture.
Thanks for your support!
I Hope This Helps!
Chauntel
email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com Tweet/Insta @askchauntel

How to Ask a Girl Out – Without Creeping Her Out!

16-year-old Luis from Houston Texas writes:

Hi Chauntel,

I love the show, and you give great advice. Even from both perspectives, but I just kind of need advice.

Every time I talk to girls they seem to be creeped out, like they’ll walk away slowly, give one answer response. When I approach girls I usually give a compliment or talk about the surroundings. For example i was talking to this girl and she was being weird about it. So I asked “why are you walking like I’m creeping you out?” And she said “cause you are” I’ll give them a compliment, and that’s when things go wrong.. Maybe I’m coming off too strong? Any advice to do when I’m this situation again. I want her to feel comfortable. It be amazing if you can help me. Thank you, take care.

by photostock
by photostock

Hi Luis,

Thanks so much for your kind words! I am so glad that you enjoy the show! I decided to go ahead and share your question on my blog here. I also have a few videos that I have created related to this subject. I am not sure if you have seen them, but I will leave them below. Hopefully, you will find them helpful.

So, here is where I think the problem lies. When you approach a girl, small talk is ok, which it seems like you are doing. However, there also seems to be an awkwardness associated with your encounters.

You want to involve her in the conversation, and get her interested in what you are saying. Randomly giving her compliments is making her feel uncomfortable.

So for example the conversation could go something like:

Luis: “Wow isn’t today a beautiful day?”

Girl: “Yea, its really pretty today.”

Luis: “It it is made even more beautiful by your smile. My name is Luis. What is your name?”

(Luis reaches out hand out to shake Sarah’s hand.)

Girl: “Hi Luis, my name is Sarah.”

Luis: “Oh it is so nice to meet you Sarah.”

Sarah: “It’s nice to meet you too Luis.”

Luis: “So what does a beautiful girl like you have planned for this beautiful day?”

Sarah: “Oh thank you. Actually I am here to…….”

Luis: Responds to what Sarah has planning for the day

Screen Shot 2014-11-04 at 10.55.29 AMSo, here you have introduced yourself nicely and given her a compliment. You also have gotten her involved in the conversation without creeping her out. Now this last conversation piece is key.

After you complete your small talk conversation, its time to seal the deal!

Let Sarah know that you have enjoyed your conversation, and you would like to talk to her more later. Then ask her for her phone number so you can “text her later”. If she doesn’t want to give you that ask her for her Facebook or Instagram. If she isn’t interested you will know because she will politely decline.

Not every girl will be interested in you. However, if you keep these things in mind and make her feel apart of the conversation it will help. Don’t drop random compliments it will make her feel uncomfortable.

Also, be careful what you are complimenting her about. Keep it simple, like telling her she is beautiful, or saying something nice about her smile or her eyes. Also, don’t let your eyes wonder all over her body when you are talking to her. Keep it at about eye level. Be calm and relax. If you are nervous, she will probably be able to tell, and it will make her more uncomfortable.

Women like men who are confident within themselves. See yourself as the cool guy. If you want her to believe it, you have to believe it first!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com Tweet/Insta @askchauntel

Ariana Grande Wants Bigger Boobs – Don’t Change Yourself for Anyone

Screen Shot 2014-10-24 at 9.51.46 AMHello Jewels and Gems!

I was hoping that sweet Ariana Grande would stay out of the media for such stories, but Hollywood has a way of making our young stars grow up so fast!

21-year-old singer Ariana has been dating Big Sean, and rumor has it that he has her considering life altering changes that will showcase “a little more of her”.

Oh, Ariana, don’t do it for the guy! He could be here today and gone tomorrow. Plus, why would you want to be with  a man who makes you insecure about your own body? He should love and embrace you for who you are.

Getting breast implants is a lifetime commitment. So Jewels if you ever choose to go get some done. Make sure it is for you, if you do it for a man, you might find yourself resenting him one day. Also look into the risks and maintenance of them.

Share a Story or Ask a Question @askchauntel & askchauntel@gmail.com

Does Size Matter?

Go Eww writes:
Hey Chauntel,
You give great advice and your point of view is different in a good way , at least to me it is. My question is very different I’m sure but w/e.
I’ve been seeing this beautiful girl she’s black and I’m half black myself, and our chemistry is perfect,everyone seems to think I’m really good looking and she tells me all the time.
I know she wants to get in bed with me for a fact the only reason it hasn’t happened yet is because I’m 6.5 inches long and I really wanted your opinion on this.
Like am I enough to leave her pleased, like i said very,but could you please write back to me, and understand I don’t mean to rude or gross at all.
I need to get rid of these nervous butterflies, I appreciate it thanks.

Hi Go Eww,

Thanks for your email, and for your kind words.
Screen Shot 2014-10-24 at 8.38.36 AMHere is my opinion, if you have watched enough of my videos you would know that although, I do my best to take a unbiased stance, my advice is given from my perspective.
With that in mind, you should also know that I am Christian. I believe that sex should be saved for marriage.
Moreover, to answer your question specifically, if you go into a physical relationship with her before there are real feelings there, it will be more of a physical expectation that she will have for you.
Meaning, if she considers your size too small for her it will be more of an issue if you go into a physical relationship too soon. If time passes, and you build feelings for each other your specific physical attributes will be less of a focus. Now, don’t get me wrong they will still have an impact, but it won’t be the only thing she has to base her decision on, on whether or not she wants to continue a relationship together.
Therefore, I recommend you wait to have sex, take it slow. If she really cares for you, she will accept you just the way God made you, just for who you are.
There is no need to be nervous, if its meant to be it will be. If she is not attracted to you it won’t work anyway. So, be confident in what you have and give the best version of yourself. That is all you can do.
If she doesn’t accept, well then on to the next! There will be another woman out there who will love every part of you and not want to change anything! You dig?
I Hope This Helps!
Chauntel
email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Advice to Gabrielle Union – How to Marry a Man with Children – Celebrity Tuesdays

Screen Shot 2014-09-16 at 9.41.26 AMAdding to the tradition of expanding my blog topics. I will be writing love and life advice to celebrities on Tuesdays. Feel free to apply this advice to your life, love and relationships! BTW this was my husbands idea, and I have to hand it to him, he is awesome! Shout out to DavD Beats!

Here was my first post  in this category that I wrote to Kim and Kanye when they were married. The title of this post was: Advice to Kim Kardashian & Kayne West on How to Survive Year 1 of Marriage, CLICK TO READ

So here it goes!

Two beautiful and talented people tied the not last month, actress Gabrielle Union, 41, and Miami Heat player Dwyane Wade, 32. They celebrated their nuptials in Miami, Florida. It was a family affair which they shared with Dwyane’s adorable boys.

When you first get married there is a transition period where you get to know the good, the bad, and the ugly. There are expectations and realities that are not present in a dating relationship that you begin to learn and witness once you get married. The first year of marriage can be considered difficult because it is a transition period. Both parties are learning their new roles, while simultaneously still attempting to keep a sense of self.

Screen Shot 2014-09-16 at 9.32.45 AMThis becomes even more difficult when children are added to the equation because not only are you dealing with the transition into becoming a husband or a wife, but you also have to make a transition to be mommy and daddy. Doing this simultaneously can prove to be difficult. It forces you to take on twice as many responsibilities, and it can put a strain on your relationship. Therefore, it is essential that you handle it with care and stay flexible!

Having children in your life is a true blessing from God! As much of a blessing as they are, it takes hard work to be a parent. If you choose to marry into a family with children, you not only marry your spouse but you also marry their children. You should be prepared to be a parent and treat them fairly. You have to become self-less and learn that you have to show them love. You must also realize that this is going to be a slow growing process. There will be times where you will get along and other times where you will not see eye-to-eye. However, you must note that this is a full time job that you cannot choose to quit. You have to hang in there and build up the relationship.

If you are the spouse who is bringing the children into the new marriage, choose wisely. You should never choose to marry anyone who does not love and respect your children. If you do you will regret it and the marriage will be sour.

Screen Shot 2014-09-16 at 1.23.05 PMWhen considering time together with your spouse you must know that their time will be split between you and their children, and you should be happy with the fact that they love and want to take care of their children. If they don’t take care of their children what makes you think that they will take care of you?

With this in mind it is also important that both spouses set time aside for just the two of you. It is important that you have that bonding time, especially when you first get married. You must consider time with both your spouse and their children, who will now be called YOUR children. Many marriages struggle as a result of a difference of opinions on how to spend money and how to raise children.

As a result having children can add stress to a relationship, so it is absolutely essential that the bride and groom discuss their expectations long before the choose to get married. This way there are not any huge surprises, and with God’s help the rest can be communicated through! Always keep him at the center of your relationship, and the head of your children’s lives, and everything will work out just fine! In fact, you will find yourself to be a happy and healthy family!

Congrats to Gabrielle and Dwayne and all of you other newly married couples with children! We are rooting for ya!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Keeping Your Marriage Happy – Marriage Mondays

by imagerymajestic
by imagerymajestic

Hey Jewels & Gems!

I have decided to expand my horizons a bit! Here is a new series on my blog! It may spill over into my YouTube channel who knows! It is entitled Marriage Mondays! I did write one a while back, to try it out! You guys seemed to like it so lets get it going! Even if you are not married some of these posts may still help with those of you in relationships!

Click: First Marriage Mondays Post

So here it goes!

The little things matter! In love and marriage, it is important to always remember that your spouse may not always outwardly express what they may be feeling, but it is your job to stay in tune with not only their needs but also their wants!

Not only does this make them feel special, but it also makes them feel needed and wanted. Sometimes we find ourselves so wrapped up in our own worlds that we forget to stop and assess what’s going on around us.

small arrowIt is during these times, that the ones closest to us, might find themselves needing us the most. So, we have to, as they say “take time to smell the roses”. Slow down and connect with your spouse, so that you can attend to what they need.

Did you know that 93% of communication happens nonverbally. There was a study done by Dr. Albert Mehrabian, author of Silent Messages. He found that only 7% of communication happens through words and 38% is expressed through vocal elements. More the 55% is communicated through nonverbal elements such as facial expressions, gestures, posture, and related body language.

Next to God, your spouse has to be the second top priority in your life, more than work or other activities. If they are not happy, it will begin to effect each of you individually; then it will begin to effect your marriage.

So pay close attention to both their verbal and nonverbal cues. If you only listen to the words that you hear and ignore what you see, you are truly missing out on 93% of the bigger picture. Give it a try this week, be attentive to your spouses wants as well as their needs and see just how much you make them smile! Attention to nonverbal cues is essential to keeping a happy marriage!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

Have a Marriage Monday Topic Idea?

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Re: Ask E. Jean- WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU’RE NOT EXPECTING

Hello My Beautiful Jewels,

I have decided to begin giving my responses to some popular advice columns that I read. Below is my first entry taken from Ask E. Jean, column writer for Elle magazine.

Here is the link to the original post on elle.com. Link: http://www.elle.com/life-love/ask-e-jean/ask-e-jean-pregnant-friends

Dear E. Jean: I have a wonderful two-year-old, who is the absolute light of my life, and a husband I adore. I love being a mom and desperately wish to expand our family. However, I have suffered three miscarriages in the past 10 months (despite testing and treatment for a blood-clotting disorder linked to miscarriage), in addition to losing my father. At the moment, I am hurting too much from all this loss and need to take a break from trying for another child, and I’m also recognizing that it may not be in Mother Nature’s cards for us to have another. (It took almost two years to conceive my daughter, so fertility has never come naturally for me.)

The problem is, nearly all of my friends are pregnant right now and I’m finding it incredibly hard to be around them. Watching their bodies change is a constant reminder of where I should have been had any of my pregnancies lasted. I don’t want to cut myself off socially, especially in a time of such grief, but I find it very painful to see such abundant fertility around me. What can I do, short of finding an entirely new group of friends? —Heartbroken

by zcool.com.cn
by zcool.com.cn

Dear Heartbroken,

You are dealing with such a very difficult time right now. I can totally relate to what you are going through. I just had a miscarriage myself about 7 weeks ago. I will post my videos below where I share my story.

Did you know that 1 and 3 pregnant women will loose their baby?

It is a reality that many people are not aware of. The pain that comes with a miscarriage is so very difficult both physically and emotionally. Although, the people around you may not quite understand exactly how you are feeling, what matters  most is their love and support for you.

It is natural for you to be sad when you see your friends going along in their pregnancy, while you have continued to loose yours. However, I believe that you have the strength to overcome those negative feelings, but it is going to take some work on your part.

You cannot possibly be happy for them if you are beating yourself up over this. So, here is what you need to do. You  first must stop beating yourself up. As women, we can find ourselves blaming ourselves for the fact that we cannot get pregnant or stay pregnant. We slowly begin tearing ourselves down. Then when we see women who are pregnant we may begin comparing ourselves to them and wondering why our pregnancy did not work out. That is the absolute opposite of what you should do. However, it may seem like the easiest road to take.

So, I want you to walk the unbeaten path. The path of a strong woman, who holds her head up high in-spite of the pain that she is experiences. Have confidence in yourself, and know that just because your pregnancies have not worked out it does not make you any less of a woman. Also, as that strong woman you must know that if these women truly are your friends they mean you no harm and you should embrace them during this hard time. If them talking about their pregnancies saddens you, then just be honest with them and let them know that you are having a hard time with the loss of your babies. Inform them that although you are happy for them, you would rather not talk about pregnancy at all. If they are truly your friends they should be sensitive to that fact, and heed to your request. If they do not, then they are selfish and not a true friend to you.

 by adamr
by adamr

Beyond that, lets thank God for our blessings. He has given you a husband who loves you and a daughter all yours. Those times when you begin beating yourself up just remember how blessed you are to have them in your lives. Some women will not ever get married or have a child, and you have both.

So, if it is really your desire to have another baby, don’t give up. It is going to take some time and it may take more heartache, but you are strong enough to endure it. Do you know how I know? – because God will not put more on you than you can bear, and you are still standing sista.

As a good friend of mines reminded me, an idle mind is the devil’s workshop, and all he wants is for us women to separate ourselves during our time of need. When you see your pregnant friends, instead of focusing on what they have, and what you lack, I want you to focus on what both of you have – love and family. Don’t see yourself as less than, but instead know that God knew you were strong enough to endure. We all have hard times, but this too shall pass.

Also, Don’t keep your feelings inside, discuss how you are feeling with your husband. He is hurting too, and during this time you two need to need to show love and support to each-other.

May God be with you and your family, and if it is in his will, you will have another baby.

Lots of Love,

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

New Video: How to Deal with a Gold Digger – Relationship Advice – Ask Chauntel

When dealing with relationships sometimes we will run across people who will do their best to use and abuse us. How do we deal with these types of situations. How do you guide yourself through a situation where you have been taken advantage of? Watch!

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

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