Balancing Work and Family – Ask Chauntel

21-year-old Mitch  from New Jersey writes:

Hi there Chauntel,

As of now I have been actively been pursuing a career in Investment Banking. I realize that as of now, I think this is what I want to do. It has been a dream of mine for the for the past few years in my life.

After talking with some of my business professors, I realize that the path into IB is not as glorious as it sounds. The pay is obviously very good, but it comes with a price. 100 hour work weeks are the norm, and with that being said there is not much time for anything else. One of my professors told me I can definitely get to where I want to be, but you will be a lone wolf on this endeavor.

After hearing his advice to me this makes me question my efforts. I see everybody around me going to parties and having fun, while most of the time I give priority to my school work. In terms of relationships, I would really love to fall in love with a girl. I thought I had that once, but eventually that ended and I have a hard time believing I will feel those feelings again for another person.

In a nutshell, what do you think I should do? Should I still continue my efforts to achieve my goal and run the risk that I could not even end up liking what I do and I wasted all my time and effort on something I do not like? I fear that one day I will not be happy and realize I wasted my time and effort in something that does not make me happy.

by photostock
by photostock

Hello Mitch,

The path to success does come with some sacrifice and a lot of hard work. However, you cannot allow that to overtake you. After all, you only have one life to live, right?

The key to sorting out your situation is first identifying your values, then assigning priorities to to those values. Decide what your number one priority in life is, then your second, then your third, and so on. Once you know what holds the most value to you, you can decipher where to prioritize. For example, if you value school more than partying, then you might prioritize studying over partying on Friday night, and that’s ok! I did it!

 Also, make friends who also have busy schedules and won’t make you feel bad about yours!

Life is about balance. If you do not aide the social side of you, you will most likely not be as productive at work because you will begin to dread being there. So, what should you do instead? Well, since you are aware that the field you are in is very time consuming, you will have to schedule in your social time. If you don’t you will not be as productive at work, which may eventually lead to burnout. I know I have done it 🙂

So, setting aside your personal time to socialize is just as important as setting aside time to study.

Specifically, when it comes to Investment Banking(IB), is that your passion?  If so, are you willing to put in that 100 hours a week? It really comes down to how important is it to you to be an IB? How much do you value it in your life? If you value being in IB more than you value having more time for social activities and a romantic relationship, then maybe IB is not for you.

However, if the “money” isn’t going to be enough for you, and those extra 60 hours a week are not something that you want to sacrifice in your life, then this is not probably not the career path for you.

Now, as far a romantic relationship goes specifically, it will be very difficult to find a woman who is willing to be with a man who works 100 hours a week. However, there is that woman out there.

So, if you do end up working 100 hours a week. You absolutely must set aside time for her, but keep in mind that you are also going to have to have personal time. These things are important for the relationship to thrive.

If you choose to have kids later on, it will make for a very estranged relationship with them, because you will barely have time for yourself.

So, find out what you value the most, then prioritize from there. I am sure that you can work 100 hours a week, and have a family but I can assure you that your relationship with them will be greatly affected.

I offer private coaching sessions if you would like to chat about his more.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel
Email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Cute Ways to Ask a Guy Out- Ask Chauntel Advice Column

16-year-old Paula from the USA writes:

Hi Chauntel ,

I NEED YOUR HELP!

OK so I’am a Junior in high school, but I really like this guy who is a Sophomore . How do i ask him out ? Should I ask him out ? We are always making eye contact and smiling at each other so should I take the next step and ask him out , or should I talk to him ? That’s the problem we always say hey to each other , but our conversation really doesn’t go past Hello. How do i talk to him.. HELP ME PLEASE

Cute Date Ideas - Bowling
by franky242

Hello Paula,

The fact that you are at hello is a great start. Instead of outright asking him out you should encourage or inspire him to ask you out. That is the beauty of being a young woman, the power of influence.

He will perceive it as him doing the asking, but you will have done the initiating. How does this work? It’s simple.

Invite him to hang out with you and your friends. You can tell him that he can invite his buddies too. It can be a simple mall trip, miniature golf, or maybe  even a trip to the bowling alley, choose a group date along those lines. Once you are out with him, be yourself and flirt with him casually.

If he enjoyed his time with you he will initiate a future hang out. I wish you love!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Space in a Relationship – Ask Chauntel Advice Column

Space in a Relationship Photo - Broken Heart
By Michal Marcol

21-year-old Natalie writes

Hey Chauntel,

I’ve been dating this amazing guy for about 3 months. He’s almost 6 years older than me… he’s 27, and I’m a relationship type girl, and typically like older guys, who seem more ready for something serious. This guy pretty much took the reigns, and made the relationship a “relationship” quickly.

HOWEVER, he told me at the beginning that he was warming up to the relationship thing slowly because he had just gotten out of a long term relationship a year ago. But he kept making sure to reassure me that he was only seeing me and that although he isn’t a huge fan of labels. We had a relationship. He told me he wasn’t seeing anyone else and wasn’t going to. However, over the last month, he’s been different. Distant, not really trying to make plans to see me much, and he’s been overall just really grouchy and unhappy.

He’s now saying he is very depressed (which i’ve picked up on and he’s mentioned) and is asking for space… and I don’t really know how to handle this. “Space” and “time” could mean days, weeks, years? And does he even really want me to stick around, or do you think he’s trying to let me down easy? I wish he would open up and let me be there for him, but he is very out of touch with his feelings and wouldn’t have this conversation on the phone, even. We haven’t been talking too much, but communication hasn’t stopped and has mostly been about our situation. He claims to not want to tell me what to do because he doesn’t exactly know what he wants right now. He’s said that he still likes me and will continue to work on me, but that he needs to get himself happy before he can be happy with anyone else, and that he thinks separating would be best for now. I won’t sit around and wait forever, but I’m really heartbroken. I’m feeling like its a situation where I have to let him go, and if he comes back happy and healthy, it was meant to be?

[(here’s some extra info… maybe help you understand this more than me?)
When he asked for space, he said we’re frequently not on the same page with what we want out of the relationship (I’ve been wanting to meet his friends and have him meet my family), that he needs slow and casual because he cannot emotionally invest what i want out of him right now (i’ve been stupid to sleep with him, I know that now), that he’s never felt this depressed and needs to figure out his life and himself, and that he doesn’t think he’s ready for a relationship when he thought that was what the hole he was feeling inside was. He told me that I haven’t scared him off or done anything to make him feel this way, that I’m an amazing person he loves spending time with, that I make him so happy but he doesn’t make himself happy, and that he’s not going to disappear but he just needs time for himself.]

Screen Shot 2013-09-08 at 9.02.44 PMHello Natalie,

First off, you go girl!

The man you are dating seems very mature and has a lot of introspection. Which means that he knows how to look within himself to see how he is feeling, and is aware of what he needs, which is great. He is also great at communicating his feelings to you, which I cannot say for most guys. I know that you are in a very frustrating situation, and believe it or not, you are both in a very vulnerable position.

You have two options. One you can wait for him until he is ready to be in a committed relationship, or two you can accept that he isn’t ready for commitment and explore other options to find that guy who wants what you want right now. Don’t forget you are 20, live a little 🙂

If this guy really holds value in your life, then be supportive of his space. How do you do that? Let him lead. How much is enough and how much is too much, when it comes to “space”? Well there is not a magic formula to this. You simply let him initiate most of the time: hangouts, phone calls, conversation, and all other contact. You will start to get a fill for what the “space” is that he wants.

You will probably go through this process until you get to the point where you want more. He will either give it to you or he won’t. But whatever you do, don’t force it. You will only turn him off.

Let him lead, or just be friends and go find what you are searching for!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchaunte@gmail.com

Finding Love – Ask Chauntel – Advice Column

21-year-old Leslie from Namibia writes:

Hello Chauntel!

I’m a big fan of your videos. I met this girl on badoo(social site). She stays far from me, we’ve been chatting for 3months and haven’t met. I really like her and want to date her,but she said she doesn’t believe in true love, what can I do to change her mind? Secondly how can get her to come to where I’m staying? Please help!

Hello Thomo!

Here is the answer to your question:

How to Get the Girl I Love to Believe in Love

A Simple Thing to Consider When Choosing a Mate – Ask Chauntel – Advice Column

couple embracing in love
by photostock

Hello Beautiful People,

I just wanted to leave you with a word of encouragement.

When you make the decision that you are ready to look for a mate, always be sure that you put yourself in the equation.

Don’t choose someone just to feel a void. Choose a person that compliments you. In fact, choose a person that completes you! And by the way…be bold and confident while you do it 🙂

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

How to Approach a Girl – Ask Chauntel

Are you nervous to approach girls? Do you know what to say when you meet them? How do you let them know that you are interested? What do you say when you walk up to them? What kinds of questions should you ask? Watch! askchauntel@gmail.com

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AC Videos Mentioned:
How to Approach a Girl: http://youtu.be/IuDMBeyBuTM
How to Flirt: http://youtu.be/cASCmKBpIrQ
How to Talk to Women – Conversation Topics: http://youtu.be/KGXDUeYrGjQ

Why Won’t He Call Me His Girlfriend?

by marin

So the guy you have been dating is a little skeptical about “titles”.

You feel like you are in a relationship with him, yet he doesn’t quite call you his girlfriend. This reality leaves you dazed, confused, and sometimes a little frustrated. So What do you do?

You get upset about it, but he always seems to find a way to make you forget about it when you are around him. He knows just what to say, and when to say it. However, when you’re alone all you can do is dissect the situation and try to understand it.

Why won’t he call you his girlfriend? It’s simple. He doesn’t want to commit to you.

Then you ask, well how can that be and why not? When you begin asking these two questions your frustration will build. Why?

Well, if I give you the honest answer you won’t feel any better about the situation than you did before you asked, but since you want to know I guess I will share.

When it comes to a committed relationship, guys can sometimes be scared off by the idea of being “stuck” with one girl. In many cases they would just rather leave their options open.

So, if you are dating “that guy”, what should you do? Well you can chose to take one of two options. One you can accept him for who he is and not pressure the situation, while also keeping your options open and dating other guys. If you choose this option be sure to add value to his life, you don’t just want to be “another girl”. However, keep in mind this can only go on so long because eventually you will move on, if you do this right. Reason being, you should be dating other guys who are a viable option for you. If this guy really likes you he will shape up in time, right before you move on.

Your second option is friend-zone him, and find a guy who is actually in the mental space to want a committed relationship. They are out there waiting on you.

BUT..whatever you do, don’t just get into a relationship, just to be in one. Settling is so not cute!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com