My boyfriend wants to kiss me he was going to today, but I got really nervous and chickened out. What are some tips you can give me? How do I start the kiss? Do I just continue kissing till he stops? How do I prepare?
Hope you can help!
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Hi Abby!
You should only kiss him when you are ready. There is no rush in this. I say let him be the initiator. He is the guy, so let him take the lead. Don’t time it or anything just let it happen naturally and go for as long as it seems appropriate.
Just know your limits. Before you go into this “first-kiss” situation know what you are comfortable with and not comfortable with. For example, don’t let his hands roam. They need to stay above the waste and away from your “special” areas. This video that I recorded should also be helpful!
If you have ever wondered if the guy you are with is using this video for sex this video will help. Chauntel answers a question from Mya a who is having a difficult time deciding how to express herself to her guy about how she feels. He doesn’t kiss her anymore. What should she do? Watch!
There is this girl that I have had a crush on for about a year and a half now. So I have been watching a bunch of videos on how to tell if a girl likes you. Well the other day a friend told me that my best friend Ots (also a girl, I am not gay) likes me. I have been friends with her since i was like 7.
And after that i noticed that she shows all the signs in the videos, but I always just thought she was being friendly.
Then on the next Monday was talking to Ots and a friend came and said something about Kaitlin ( the girl I like) when that person left Ots was just like “you like Kaitlin?” So I said yes then she said “I have to go… See you tomorrow” then hugged me and left. I have spoken to her since but she has been weird. Then on Thursday i was talking to Kaitlin and she said Ots hasn’t spoken since Monday, but they were really close. My problem is that I have my first date with Kaitlin this weekend but i don’t want to ruin friendships. I really like Kaitlin but i have been best friends with Ots for years!!!! What do I do?????
Hello Matt,
If you have feelings for Kaitlin then go out with her. If this other girl is really your friend she won’t un-friend you simply because you are interested in someone else. If she does, then she was never your friend to begin with.
You cannot live your life according to someone else’s watch. If she gets upset then that is her problem. You are not in a romantic relationship with her, and you don’t owe her anything. If she is your friend then she needs to start acting like it!
I have a boyfriend who lives maybe 30 minutes away by train. We meet on a online chat room, and the same week we agreed to meet.
We have meet 3 times since. He’s 16 nearly 17. We have only known each other 5 weeks.
He asked me out on the second time we meet, and i said yes. I can’t tell my parents because they are really strong Christians and he is Jewish, they wont let me have a boyfriend, let alone a Jewish one. I don’t want to tell them just in case they don’t let me see him.
He has told all his friends and family that we are dating, but saying we meet at a party not online because he’s embarrassed of where we meet.
We Skype nearly everyday and i really really like him What should i do?!
Love from
Summer
xxxxxxxx
Hello Summer,
When it comes to religion, it gets really gummy. I understand your dilemma. However, keeping him a secret is not the answer.
If you were of a marrying age my advice would be different(mostly run far away, This won’t work out., I wouldn’t touch this with a ten foot poll!), but since you are so young this is how I would approach your situation.
Go to you parents and tell them that you are interested in dating someone. Let them meet him. Try to stray away from conversations about religion. Don’t lie to you parents. If they ask then you must be honest, but if they don’t ask then don’t bring it up. Here is the thing, sneaking around, having secret train rides is dishonest and not safe. Also, you will loose their trust, and this for you will be unbearable.
They will trust you much more if you let them know that you met someone. If after you have to told them the truth, they still ban you from talking to him because of your differing religions you must respect their wishes.
As children of God, we must obey our parents. It is written, Ephesians 6:1, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right.”
Also, I wouldn’t make too big a deal out of this. It would be unwise to get into a deeply rooted relationship with him because eventually you will have to part ways.
The Bible informs us that to be together we must be equally yoked. What does that mean?
It means you have to be of the same mind. Meaning amongst other things, same religion, same values. There is a scripture in Amos, that says (Amos 3:3) “How can two walk together unless they touch and agree.” Now it doesn’t mean literraly touch. This verse in symbolic. Meaning on the same level spiritually.
I know that this can be annoying as well as seem unfair. I have been in your situation. I was a little older, but it was the same type of thing. I was dating a guy who was of a different denomination that me. I am deeply rooted in mine. We couldn’t agree, and fought a lot. I thought to myself, how can I be with a guy who doesn’t believe the same things as I do. What will my children believe? It was then that I decided it would not be a good idea to become too deeply involved with him. I dated him casually until I met the next guy. The end goal was to find a man that I could eventually marry. Which I did, and he is a catch :)!
Now, the religion title itself is not what matters. The belief system is what matters. As long as you go into your relationship with this understanding then I think you will be ok. But I recommend that you let your parents know that you are dating someone. Again, SNEAKING AROUND BEHIND THEIR BACKS IS NO THE ANSWER.
If you have an Instagram is it absolutely necessary to put the photo of your significant other on your profile? Is it necessary? If you don’t post one do you seem unfaithful? Watch!
I was hoping for advice on how to get my life on track and be healthy, happy again after being completely depressed and devastated from my ex of one year breaking up with me. Life has just been really hard lately, and I just have no motivation for anything anymore. Thank you so much Chauntel!
Hi Clarissa,
Thanks so much for your question. When relationships don’t work out the way that we would like for them to,it can be very painful. Sometimes when that hurt goes really deep within us we can slowly become more and more depressed.
It is for this reason that some people are afraid to get into committed relationships. They are afraid of getting hurt. However, we cannot allow our emotions to define our actions. We must push through them until we reach a place of acceptance and let go of what once was to feel what is.
You remember the good times, and keep those memories, then you make the decision to create new ones.
Here is the reality. Love is beautiful, and when it leaves we will feel pain. Instead of allowing the pain to overtake us we must take each relationship as a learning experience, and learn from them what we can. Then we should begin focusing time on ourselves and finding what truly makes us happy.
Sometimes we may not feel like being happy. You may not have the appetite to eat, or have the energy to get out of bed, but we have to push through that. Eventually the pain will subside and you will actually begin enjoying the things that you used to, and even appreciate life that much more.
So, you have to push through it girl! You are going to get through this, and you have to believe that. It starts with you believing that you can, and just doing it. Wake up every morning with a smile on your face and eventually you will be happy. Prepare your favorite meal and you will eat it.
Chauntel answers a question from a view who is struggling with how to communicate within their relationship without it being awkward. What can he do to move paste this stage of the relationship? What actions need to be taken? Watch! http://www.askchauntel.com
Chauntel shares 3 key elements that you should consider when moving into a successful relationship! Have you been having a hard time choosing the right mate? Watch! http://www.askchauntel.com
Chauntel responds to a question from a viewer who gets personal about her struggle with being a young black women in a white world in West Virginia. How should she deal with the racism? Chauntel shares her own story and gives insights into what it must feel like to be a black girl in a white world. Watch! askchauntel@gmail.comhttp://www.askchauntel.com
I just watched your video on YouTube answering someone’s question on how to get over your first love and I just wanted to tell you my story and see if you could give me some advice when you have the time.
When I was 14 I went out with a boy called James. We were only together for 2 months but I was amazed by him I thought I’d found my soul mate.
We broke up because things weren’t working out and when I look back now I feel that was the right decision because I was just too young and dumb to know the ins and outs of a relationship and how to really treat someone you love.
The last time I saw him back then was valentines day 2012 and that broke my heart as that is a special day to anyone in a relationship! A year went by and and James and I started talking on text and we became really close friends however I still hadn’t seen him since the day he broke up with me. I saw him February 2013 at a party and we got along so well. We spoke the whole night and then one thing led to another and we were kissing by the end of the night. A couple of parties later, the same thing would happen and we both started to realise we wanted to give “us” another go.
In March 2013 James asked me to be his girlfriend again. (I’m 16 so I felt the time was right). I said yes of course and the relationship was great for the first few months! I gave him everything as I really wanted him to be the one. He was my first for everything (and sex). I guess we had sex early on in the relationship it was about 3-4 months in to it. We both felt that the time was right and I loved him so so much so I wanted to do it and so did he.
The day before our 6 month anniversary, James broke up with me (this was only a couple of weeks ago). His reason is that he just wants to be a teenager and have fun with his mates and then find a relationship later on in life. He said he thought he could have a serious relationship but he realised he couldn’t. This has broken my heart! Everyday I think about him constantly and I can’t get him out of my mind. I wanted him to be “the one”. I love him to death, I really do and I just can’t cope with how I’m feeling. I just want him back.
It doesn’t help seeing him talking to another girl over twitter and posting pictures of himself with her. It makes me sick because he broke up with me because he doesn’t want a relationship yet he’s getting close to another girl, and so soon!!
All of my friends have gone now because we were in one big group but now they’re all doing their own thing and going with James as well. I have no one but my mum and I’m lucky to have her but I just feel so lonely.
I’ve started to take things out on myself and I’m scratching my wrists with sharp objects and I don’t even know why. It makes me feel better at the time and then I just feel down because I ask myself “why are you doing this?!”
I am still messaging him and I know he doesn’t like it because he’s getting annoyed with me constantly telling him i cant cope and how much i miss him but he never contacts me now and it makes me feel horrible because for 6 months we were so close and now its like i don’t even exist to him anymore.
I can’t cope. I just want him back but I don’t know what to do. If I could go back in time a couple of months everything would be perfect. It’s crazy how I can be so happy one minute and now all my dreams have just crashed down. I’ve never felt so low.
I hope you can help.
Hi Ella,
Getting over your first love is a very difficult situation to overcome. However, the majority of us have to face this reality. Why? Well, although young love can be quite fun and exciting. It is usually short lived. Now, don’t get me wrong it doesn’t always work out this way, but this is usually the reality.
The video that you watched, told the story of a girl who had a story almost identical to yours.
This is what you need to do. You need to find the strength deep within yourself to let him go. I know that, that seems nearly impossible. I also understand that you cannot imagine a reality where you are not head over heels in love with this guy, but it is time to begin imagining this is a possibility. From there you will grow into acceptance, where you can begin accepting that this romantic relationship is truly over. Once you do, you will be able to move forward.
Why must you accept it? Well, you are in a state of denial. You are reminiscing on what was and comparing that to what it could have been instead of focusing on what is. What is is, he cared about you enough to let you go. Now that may seem confusing, but it is not. He was honest and straightforward about how he felt about you. What more can you ask for?
Don’t take it personal, he didn’t want a commitment. I know that that is disheartening. I know you are probably thinking, “How could he? Why would he. We had something wonderful”, and you did. So, instead, of beating yourself up about it appreciate the relationship for what it was, take what you learned from it and continue moving forward.
This whole situation is completely under your control. Now, you cannot control his current and future relationships. BUT what you can do is take ahold of your own life and relationships. Hurting yourself absolutely will not bring him back. Twitter stalking will also not bring him back. If I were you I would stop following him on Twitter entirely. This way you won’t have to see his post. Also, note that, being clingy will drive him further away.
Honestly, do you even want him back? Considering that he doesn’t want a commitment, and you cannot stand to see him with someone else, I think not.
You will find a guy who wants the same things as you do, and when you do you will remember this relationship as a distant past-time that had an effect on you when you were 14.
Harming yourself as a result of your feelings for him, is just not fair to you. You have to change your state of mind, and I want you to get help for you NSSI (Non Suicidal Self-Injury). Although, It is how you have chosen to deal with the pain its time to make a change in your life. Harming yourself physically will only result in more pain.
So here is what I need for you to do, if you are comfortable with it, let your parents know that you need to see a therapist . That way you can be treated for NSSI. If that is too bold a move, and you are not comfortable talking to your parents about this, please go see your school psychologist.
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