How to Communicate with your Romantic Partner When You are Upset

couple talking
by stock images

Hello Jewels!

Today I am inspired to share with you the proper way to communicate when you are upset with your romantic partner(boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife). Communication alone is difficult for most of us, but no one said that sustaining a healthy relationship would be easy. However, just like anything else if you want it to be good it takes time and effort.

When we are upset with our partners, there are usually two responses we may give. Our first instinct may be to give them the cold shoulder. Some may begin yelling uncontrollably. However, we well know that neither of these reactions will solve the problem.

If you choose to give them the cold shoulder, which in turn is choosing not communicate, you may find yourself at odds for a painstaking long time. This extended amount of time at odds just forces the situation to become more uncomfortable. Coincidently,  what you were upset about at the beginning becomes distorted develops even more problems.

On the other hand, if you choose to begin yelling at them, not only do both of you raise your blood-pressure, watching  the veins pop out of your necks, but you may also find yourself in a daze of anger. So, what is the best way to deal with this?

You have to talk calmly to one another, and it has to be in the right setting. Meaning the conversation should be held privately. Don’t have these types of conversations in front of children or friends. Sometimes, these conversations make you feel vulnerable, and they can become heated debates. You do not want your children to see this. Friends and family should also not witness this conversation. It can become very personal and it is best to be held privately. Many times, the way you handle this will determine the strength of your relationship.

Watch your words because you don’t want to end up saying something ugly simply because you were caught up in the moment. If you find yourself getting upset take a moment and count to 10. This will give you a moment to gather you thoughts, so that you can proceed forward with the conversation.

Be sure that when you are having the conversation you are honest about your feelings and be sure not to say things simply out of anger, or the desire to make your spouse/bf/gf hurt more. Also, don’t hold your feelings in. You cannot rectify the problem if you do not share with your partner what is wrong.  Your goal here should be to identify the problem and find a solution. Do not ignore it and sweep it under the rug. It will only get worse. This must be a collaborative effort. Both of you have to put time into this, and work to make it better.

Lastly, after the issue has been resolved. Show some physical sign of remorse. Apologize, and figure out how the situation will be handled in the future.

I Hope This Helps!

Have a questions? Click here, tweet me, or email me at askchauntel@gmail.com!

Chauntel

 

Having a hard time trying to figure out what to give your mom for Mother’s Day? Want to make sure that you select or create just what she wants? Where there is a will, there is a way! Watch!

How to Write an Action Plan

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Choosing to take action in your life is such an essential responsibility that we have. Making your dreams into goals makes an idea become a reality. If you are interested in taking action in your life today use the following method that I have created for you to see your action plan through.

To get started lets imagine a specific situation that you want to advance in your life. Once you have decided exactly what that is, we can get started.

Follow the steps below to create your action plan! You absolutely must write it down. I prefer pen and paper myself, but if you would like to type it up on your phone, tablet, or computer you can do that as well!

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1. Brainstorm! Write out a list of goals that you want to accomplish!

Screen Shot 2014-04-21 at 9.14.33 AMThese can be long term or short term goals or both. You may not make an action plan for each of these goals today, but it would be great to jot down a few extras that you will tend to in the future. The sky is the limit! Don’t hold back here 🙂 You should write down at least 3 to 5 goals.

2. Decide on a specific goal that you want to make a plan for today!

by Ambro
by Ambro

Keep your goal list that you created in the first step handy, and map out 1 or 2 of those goals today in your action plan process. Save the other goals for another day. This could be about your personal, romantic, professional, or spiritual life. Be as specific as possible. This will not be effective if you make it broad and general. This process is meant to be very detailed and specific.

3. How will you get there?

by stock images
by stock images

To determine how you will accomplish your goal, you are going to first write an over-arching statement.

For example, if my goal is to become a veterinarian, my overarching statement would be, “I will complete veterinary school and receive the degrees, certifications, and experience necessary to start working as a vet.”

4. Plan it out step by step.

by Ambro
by Ambro

Now that we have our overarching statement we are going to write small and measurable short term goals that are specific to our overarching statement(long-term goal). This should be a very long list of steps. If you have less than 10 you are definitely not writing enough steps. You should have between 10-30 steps here at least.

5. Decide on what parameters you will utilize to determine when and if you have accomplished your goal.

by stock images
by stock images

Here is where you will decide, at what point your goal has been accomplished. As you work toward your goal you should celebrate the small victories that you encounter, but once you reach your long term goal you should be able to recognize it! If not, you were not specific enough and your parameters were not distinct.

6. Map out the amount of time that you want to accomplish it in!

by stock images
by stock images

If you aimlessly make a goal without a time frame, your goal setting process takes on the shape of an elongated process that may or may not have a conclusion. Sound familiar?

Therefore, if you want to make this happen in a timely manner you have to plan it that way.

7. Make your steps work for you!

by stock images
by stock images

It may be helpful to begin this process by writing the day that you plan for your long term goal to be accomplished in a calendar or daily planner.

Then, record the short term goals that you planned out in Step 4  in your planner or calendar. In this step you will map out exactly when your long term and each of your short term goals will be accomplished. This will officially make you an action plan star!

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And that is it! You have created your action plan! Good for you. It is quite a process, but it is well worth it. It gets the job done! Happy Planning! Be sure to let me know how you do with your goals! I want to here about it!

What do Women Want for Valentines Day?

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So, you finally survive through choosing the perfect Christmas gift, then you look up and it’s already time for another thoughtful gift. A Valentines Day gift! What is a guy to do?

I understand your frustration guys, and I hear the pain. So, I thought I would provide you with a guide to selecting the perfect Valentines Day gift!

8 Ways to Avoid Buying the Wrong Valentines Day Gift

by Stoonn
by Stoonn

Selecting a gift for your sweetheart on Valentines Day can be a difficult task for many.

Why? Well there is a  large margin for error on this special day. Whether you have been in a relationship for a while, or if you just started dating, either reality causes for apprehension.

A Valentines Day gift is not like Birthday or Christmas gift, it is a very personal gift. The gift is symbolic of LOVE. It can be given between family, friends, or lovers.

But, the Question is what do you buy? Do you buy it, should you make it? Does it have to have a certain price point? All great questions, and the answer is different for every person.

1. The Gift Should Not Be Something that You Want
You shouldn’t get her your favorite candy, so that the two of you can “share.”

woman working out by marin
by marin

2. The Gift Should Not Hint Towards Something Underlying 
For example, don’t buy your husband/wife a gym membership to hint towards that fact that you want him/her to loose weight.

3. Don’t Be Cheap
The value of a gift is not always monetary. It should be something that you had to spend some time thinking about. You don’t have to empty you wallet, but you must remember the gift value is presenting their love value. It’s not about the money you spend it’s about the meaning behind the gift.

4. Don’t Re-gift  
If you gave the gift to your X, it’s probably not a good idea to give it to your new girl. So, take time to find a gift that is unique to her, or him. It looses it’s value, meaning, and thoughtfulness if it was given before.

5. Don’t Give Cheap Chocolate if You Are Over 16

Cheap chocolate tastes cheap. Ah! Gross! You would be better off buying a candy bar and adding a thoughtful card than buying a cheap box of chocolate and handing if over!

man giving his wife a gift
by Ohmmy3d

6. Don’t Buy A Card and Only Sign the Bottom
Buy a card to go with your gift, is such a great idea. It displays that you want to express in words  how much the person means to you. However, if you sign a blank card that only says “Happy Valentines Day” It makes your card dry and cold. Add a bit of your own handwriting, then sign your name!

7.  Don’t Buy a Birthday or Christmas Gift
Although jackets, shoes, and vacuums may be needed, a more special gift should be considered, like a necklace, earrings or a teddy bear.

8. Don’t Give Only Perishable Items
Flowers, and chocolate are great gifts for Valentines, but don’t forget the card or the teddy bear. Why? You want her to have something to remember you by. Something she can look at and think of you. She may be thinking of you as she bites into that yummy piece of chocolate, but she can keep the card to read and look over and over again.

Happy New Year

ImageHello Beautiful People!

I am so blessed and grateful to you for your support! There are millions of people blogging out there, but you chose to support me, and I want to thank you for it.

2014 is here, and we have an opportunity to make positive choices in  our professional, romantic, and spiritual lives.

Don’t make empty resolutions. Choose to make realistic changes in your life that will make a difference. Feel free to email me with your questions and refer me to your friends!

Be Blessed!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

My Girlfriend Cheated on Me How Do I Get Her Back? – Ask Chauntel

20-year-old Chedda from Nairobi, Kenya writes:

Hi Chauntel,

I just found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me, and I decided to break up with her…but i really love her. How do I get her to come back and say sorry?

ImageHi Chedda,

If your girlfriend cheated on you, then it is probably best that you broke up with her. The only time that I think you should consider going back into this relationship is if she has regained your trust and is obviously ready to make a positive change for the future of your relationship.

Otherwise, she will not respect you and will most likely continue to be unfaithful. So, my friend it is best that you let her do the apologizing. You have nothing to apologize for. She should be the one trying to make things work with you. If she isn’t then that probably means that she is just not that into you, and is not interested in continuing a relationship with you.

So, I would like to see you continuing to stand up for yourself, and wait to see how she handles the situation. If she is not apologetic, and is not pursuing you anymore, it’s best that you let this one go, ok? You deserve to be with someone who loves you and appreciates you for who you are.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

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How to Resist Temptation and Be Strong in God – Ask Chauntel

Have you ever come across a temptation that was so strong that you could not find a way out. How do you overcome these spiritual challenges? What does God tell us about this? Let’s take it straight to the scripture! Watch!

How to Re-establish Trust – Ask Chauntel

20-year-old KD from California writes,

Hi Chauntel,

I messed up a beautiful friendship I had with my producer’s wife by telling him something irrelevant. What I told him obviously crossed a line and I hurt his wife’s feelings. I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings nor betray her trust, but I did and I wanted to know what I could do to get her trust and friendship back? I miss the advice she used to give me. If you were me how would you approach her? Thank you so much 🙂

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by stockimages

Hello KD,

We all make mistakes. Although not impossible, trust can be a difficult thing to build once it has been broken. It takes time to rebuild, but it can be repaired with time and communication.

All you can do is apologize, communicate your feelings and give it time. A relationship, romantic or otherwise is give and take, so for this to work both of you have to work towards it. Meaning, the two of you have to be willing to work together to repair and re-establish your relationship.

Specifically, if I were you I would begin with a conversation with her directly. In person is best. On the phone is second best. Facebook messages and text messages can get a little gummy in these types of situations.

On one hand, words can destroy relationships, but if chosen wisely they can also repair relationships. With this in mind, you may find that it is impossible to repair some relationships. There is only way to know if this one will work out, how you may ask. You have to try.

So my advice is talk to her. If she doesn’t listen then she doesn’t care. If she takes time to listen, then the relationship has a shot at moving forward.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

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How to Choose the Perfect Christmas Gift For Your Sweetheart – Relationship Advice – Ask Chauntel

Chauntel gives you a few tips that will help you select the perfect gift for that special some one! Watch!

 

He is Afraid of Commitment – Relationship Advice

by david castillo
by david castillo

Stacey writes:

Hello Chauntel,

Me and this guy have been hanging out every single day since we met for the past 3 months. Everyone thinks that were a couple and in a relationship because of our chemistry and that we look good together. I have been embracing our friendship and enjoying our time together he hugs me too and kisses me in public hold me and treats me like his girlfriend his family even thinks we’re together. He did tell me that he had commitment issues but only recently did he say he doesn’t see us as a item meaning he was pulling the friend card on me. What does this mean and what should I do because I am completely confused on how to people can be so good together in one can’t see that.

Hi Stacey,

Well, if you continuously went into this knowing that he has commitment issues, you couldn’t expect anything more.

Now this is not to say, that you shouldn’t want more. Just because it may seem like you are together to other people and it may even feel like it to you sometimes you know the truth, you are not. Don’t torture yourself with pretending that this is not the reality.

You have complete control over this situation. Either you are going to accept this situation just as it is, or you are going to part ways with this guy.

If he doesn’t want to commit you cannot, nor should you force him to. Don’t waste too much time here. Treat it as a casual dating relationship and keep dating other guys. He needs to get his feelings together, then you might have a shot at a real relationship. Until then you may as well just have fun with no strings attached. I know this isn’t what you want, but it is what you have.

If you don’t want it anymore, then let him know. At that point he may or may not choose to continue a relationship with you, the type of relationship that you want.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com