Throw Back Thursday – How to Become More Popular

I thought I would mix it up and post an old video! I received this question today, so it’s obviously needed!

Enjoy!

Help My Husband Is Addicted to Drugs

Lily Ann writes:

Dear Chauntel,

I d0n’t kn0w what do. I need advice. My husband is a drug abuser, and our relationship is not working. However, I love him and so do our children.

We have tried to come to an agreement, but it is useless. How long will I wait for him to be a good man and not always lie? I want to leave him, but its really hurtful. I don’t want to regret anything. I feel like it would be ruining my own family. I am also dealing with verbal abuse from him.

Please help me Chauntel!

Hi Lily Ann,

You are in a very difficult situation, and I am sorry that you have to endure such pain. However, I applaud you for admitting that this is a challenge in your lifScreen Shot 2014-10-30 at 1.20.16 PMe and seeking for a way to face it.

It is essential that your husband receives professional help. However, he has to be ready and willing to seek out this help. Neither you nor anyone else can make him change, it has to be a conscious decision that he wants to make in his life.

It reminds me of the metaphor, you can bring a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink.

So here is my advice to you, seek some spiritual counseling for yourself and for your children. If you are not involved in a church I think now is a great time to introduce yourself and your children to the comfort and support that God brings.

Then, I want you to utilize the resources around you to get your husband the help that he needs and deserves. If he is willing to receive help great, you guys can work towards a positive future. If you are not able to find resources around you. I have a list of Crisis Help Resources here on my website that should be of use to you. Here is the link.

In addition, if he is causing harm to you and your children and is not in the mindset to receive help or make a change you will have to part ways with him. I know that this is a very difficult situation to be in, and no wife wants to leave her husband. However, you have to consider you and your children’s safety and well being.

I hope that he is willing to receive help to break this bad habit and find spiritual peace within himself as well, but it is truly his decision to make.

You can bring him to the water of life, but he has to choose to follow you and take the steps necessary to try to make a better life for you and your children.

If he does not, he will leave you with no choice but to part ways.

I will be praying for you and your family. I hope it works out, and I wish you all the best!

Peace and Love!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com send questions to Insta/Twitter @askchauntel

Should I Stay in My Long Distance Relationship

7th Grade Alyson writes:

Hey Chauntel,

I watch your videos and you give great advice. I was wondering if you could give me some advice right here. My boyfriend is moving away, and he is my best friend. It’s really hard to focus knowing that he’s leaving. I need some advice about what I should do, and if we should make it work or something. Then, we’ve talked about kissing. Well sort of… Our friends have talked about it, and agrees he should. But I really don’t know what to do. When should we do it, where? I really need to know what to do. I’m going Into 7th grade, and that’s pretty much the age everybody else has. So yeah if you could email me back, and please give me advice. That would mean the world for you to respond. Thanks 🙂

couples holding hands
by stock images

Hi Alyson,

First of all, thanks so much for your kind words, they really mean a lot. So I know this is a very hard time for you. There’s no getting around the fact that it will be very difficult.

However, I want you to know that you can absolutely get through this. It will be hard, but you have the strength within you to overcome the pain. It will hurt, and you will miss him because he has had a significant impact on your life. Even though it may seem like your world is crashing down in time it will get better.

If you want to kiss him, then by all means kiss him. However, don’t do it because you feel pressed to meet a quota. Just because “everyone else has done it or will do it by 7th grade” that is no reason for you to do it. Here is a quote I love to live by: “Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out!”

You have nothing to prove to anyone else. I want you to be happy with yourself. So, if you want to kiss him, on your own terms then great, do it, but whatever you do, don’t use this moment to meet a quota to please “everybody else”. When it comes down to it, this is your big moment. Your real experience. I didn’t have mines until I was ready and you shouldn’t either. Your first kiss should be special.

Here was my response to another viewer a while back about where to have a first kiss. It also applies here:

“The best place, is more about the best time. Where you are is not as important as how you feel.
However, any outdoor setting or couch setting would be nice. Steer clear from bedrooms though because they could lead to unwanted occurrences.

Romantic settings are of course the beach or anywhere near water. A drive in movie in the car is always cute. Holding hands in the park on a starry night is another great idea. Exotic places, near a fireplace, or even under the doorstep could also work.”

And – your last question was should you try to stay together and work it out. Here is my advice about that, ultimately you two have to make that decision. However, what I will tell you is that you are very young it long distance relationships are hard. They are not impossible, but they only work if you live close enough where you will be able to see each other at somewhat often.

They can also be very risky in the long run. You don’t have to cut ties with him, but at this point choosing to be friends who hang out from time to time may be an option you might want to consider. Unless you are in a very serious relationship I think it would be easier for you to take a break at this point. You can always revisit the relationship later. If it is meant to be it will be. I know this isn’t really the news you wanted, but just know that everything will be ok in time. I have two videos that I will leave you with.

Love You Lots!

Chauntel

Father’s Day Gift Ides

If you are having a hard time finding your dad a gift this video will be helpful for you! So many times we forget about our fathers and they don’t ask for much! We can we do to show our love? Watch!

Ps. Yes, I know it’s Wednesday and you are getting a video! I had to make a special exception for Father’s Day! Share it with your friends!

How to Get Over a Break-up – Ask Chauntel

Dealing with a break-up or know someone who is? Chauntel has some great tips on dealing with and overcoming your break-up. You don’t have to go through this alone, there are people around you who care about you and want to help! These basic tips will get you out of your depression and on track to moving on and growing within yourself! Watch!

Videos Mentioned at End:

How to Deal with Depression

How to Set a Goal and Plan for Success

How to Deal With Depression & Teen Bullying

Have you been depressed and looking for a way out? This video will help with that along with other issues that may be getting your spirit down. Even bullying can be overcome! Watch!

Videos Mentioned at end:

How to let go of Depression – Ask Chauntel with Reporter Elizabeth Espinosa

How to stop cutting yourself? – Life Advice for Girls – Ask Chauntel

 

 

Is He Interested – Dating Advice – Ask Chauntel

He has been sending her mixed signals and she is having a hard time figuring out what it all means. Is this guy interested or not? Give your opinion and watch what Chauntel thinks about it! Chauntel gives advice to Samantha on what she should do to get her situation moving forward! Watch! email me askchauntel@gmail.com!

Vote: Is he Interested? – Watch the video first before you vote please 🙂

Videos Mentioned at End:

How to Flirt: http://youtu.be/cASCmKBpIrQ

How to Talk to Women Conversation Topics:

How to Communicate with your Romantic Partner When You are Upset

couple talking
by stock images

Hello Jewels!

Today I am inspired to share with you the proper way to communicate when you are upset with your romantic partner(boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife). Communication alone is difficult for most of us, but no one said that sustaining a healthy relationship would be easy. However, just like anything else if you want it to be good it takes time and effort.

When we are upset with our partners, there are usually two responses we may give. Our first instinct may be to give them the cold shoulder. Some may begin yelling uncontrollably. However, we well know that neither of these reactions will solve the problem.

If you choose to give them the cold shoulder, which in turn is choosing not communicate, you may find yourself at odds for a painstaking long time. This extended amount of time at odds just forces the situation to become more uncomfortable. Coincidently,  what you were upset about at the beginning becomes distorted develops even more problems.

On the other hand, if you choose to begin yelling at them, not only do both of you raise your blood-pressure, watching  the veins pop out of your necks, but you may also find yourself in a daze of anger. So, what is the best way to deal with this?

You have to talk calmly to one another, and it has to be in the right setting. Meaning the conversation should be held privately. Don’t have these types of conversations in front of children or friends. Sometimes, these conversations make you feel vulnerable, and they can become heated debates. You do not want your children to see this. Friends and family should also not witness this conversation. It can become very personal and it is best to be held privately. Many times, the way you handle this will determine the strength of your relationship.

Watch your words because you don’t want to end up saying something ugly simply because you were caught up in the moment. If you find yourself getting upset take a moment and count to 10. This will give you a moment to gather you thoughts, so that you can proceed forward with the conversation.

Be sure that when you are having the conversation you are honest about your feelings and be sure not to say things simply out of anger, or the desire to make your spouse/bf/gf hurt more. Also, don’t hold your feelings in. You cannot rectify the problem if you do not share with your partner what is wrong.  Your goal here should be to identify the problem and find a solution. Do not ignore it and sweep it under the rug. It will only get worse. This must be a collaborative effort. Both of you have to put time into this, and work to make it better.

Lastly, after the issue has been resolved. Show some physical sign of remorse. Apologize, and figure out how the situation will be handled in the future.

I Hope This Helps!

Have a questions? Click here, tweet me, or email me at askchauntel@gmail.com!

Chauntel

 

Having a hard time trying to figure out what to give your mom for Mother’s Day? Want to make sure that you select or create just what she wants? Where there is a will, there is a way! Watch!