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How to Ask a Girl Out – Without Creeping Her Out!

Published on November 4, 2014April 23, 2016 by Chauntel DelgadoLeave a comment

16-year-old Luis from Houston Texas writes:

Hi Chauntel,

I love the show, and you give great advice. Even from both perspectives, but I just kind of need advice.

Every time I talk to girls they seem to be creeped out, like they’ll walk away slowly, give one answer response. When I approach girls I usually give a compliment or talk about the surroundings. For example i was talking to this girl and she was being weird about it. So I asked “why are you walking like I’m creeping you out?” And she said “cause you are” I’ll give them a compliment, and that’s when things go wrong.. Maybe I’m coming off too strong? Any advice to do when I’m this situation again. I want her to feel comfortable. It be amazing if you can help me. Thank you, take care.

Hi Luis,

Thanks so much for your kind words! I am so glad that you enjoy the show! I decided to go ahead and share your question on my blog here. I also have a few videos that I have created related to this subject. I am not sure if you have seen them, but I will leave them below. Hopefully, you will find them helpful.

So, here is where I think the problem lies. When you approach a girl, small talk is ok, which it seems like you are doing. However, there also seems to be an awkwardness associated with your encounters.

You want to involve her in the conversation, and get her interested in what you are saying. Randomly giving her compliments is making her feel uncomfortable.

So for example the conversation could go something like:

Luis: “Wow isn’t today a beautiful day?”

Girl: “Yea, its really pretty today.”

Luis: “It it is made even more beautiful by your smile. My name is Luis. What is your name?”

(Luis reaches out hand out to shake Sarah’s hand.)

Girl: “Hi Luis, my name is Sarah.”

Luis: “Oh it is so nice to meet you Sarah.”

Sarah: “It’s nice to meet you too Luis.”

Luis: “So what does a beautiful girl like you have planned for this beautiful day?”

Sarah: “Oh thank you. Actually I am here to…….”

Luis: Responds to what Sarah has planning for the day

So, here you have introduced yourself nicely and given her a compliment. You also have gotten her involved in the conversation without creeping her out. Now this last conversation piece is key.

After you complete your small talk conversation, its time to seal the deal!

Let Sarah know that you have enjoyed your conversation, and you would like to talk to her more later. Then ask her for her phone number so you can “text her later”. If she doesn’t want to give you that ask her for her Facebook or Instagram. If she isn’t interested you will know because she will politely decline.

Not every girl will be interested in you. However, if you keep these things in mind and make her feel apart of the conversation it will help. Don’t drop random compliments it will make her feel uncomfortable.

Also, be careful what you are complimenting her about. Keep it simple, like telling her she is beautiful, or saying something nice about her smile or her eyes. Also, don’t let your eyes wonder all over her body when you are talking to her. Keep it at about eye level. Be calm and relax. If you are nervous, she will probably be able to tell, and it will make her more uncomfortable.

Women like men who are confident within themselves. See yourself as the cool guy. If you want her to believe it, you have to believe it first!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com Tweet/Insta @askchauntel

Ariana Grande Wants Bigger Boobs – Don’t Change Yourself for Anyone

Published on October 24, 2014March 2, 2020 by Chauntel DelgadoLeave a comment

Screen Shot 2014-10-24 at 9.51.46 AM Hello Jewels and Gems!

I was hoping that sweet Ariana Grande would stay out of the media for such stories, but Hollywood has a way of making our young stars grow up so fast!

21-year-old singer Ariana has been dating Big Sean, and rumor has it that he has her considering life altering changes that will showcase “a little more of her”.

Oh, Ariana, don’t do it for the guy! He could be here today and gone tomorrow. Plus, why would you want to be with a man who makes you insecure about your own body? He should love and embrace you for who you are.

Getting breast implants is a lifetime commitment. So Jewels if you ever choose to go get some done. Make sure it is for you, if you do it for a man, you might find yourself resenting him one day. Also look into the risks and maintenance of them.

Share a Story or Ask a Question @askchauntel & askchauntel@gmail.com

Does Size Matter?

Published on October 24, 2014April 23, 2016 by Chauntel DelgadoLeave a comment

Go Eww writes:

Hey Chauntel,

You give great advice and your point of view is different in a good way , at least to me it is. My question is very different I’m sure but w/e.

I’ve been seeing this beautiful girl she’s black and I’m half black myself, and our chemistry is perfect,everyone seems to think I’m really good looking and she tells me all the time.

I know she wants to get in bed with me for a fact the only reason it hasn’t happened yet is because I’m 6.5 inches long and I really wanted your opinion on this.

Like am I enough to leave her pleased, like i said very,but could you please write back to me, and understand I don’t mean to rude or gross at all.

I need to get rid of these nervous butterflies, I appreciate it thanks.

Hi Go Eww,

Thanks for your email, and for your kind words.

Here is my opinion, if you have watched enough of my videos you would know that although, I do my best to take a unbiased stance, my advice is given from my perspective.

With that in mind, you should also know that I am Christian. I believe that sex should be saved for marriage.

Moreover, to answer your question specifically, if you go into a physical relationship with her before there are real feelings there, it will be more of a physical expectation that she will have for you.

Meaning, if she considers your size too small for her it will be more of an issue if you go into a physical relationship too soon. If time passes, and you build feelings for each other your specific physical attributes will be less of a focus. Now, don’t get me wrong they will still have an impact, but it won’t be the only thing she has to base her decision on, on whether or not she wants to continue a relationship together.

Therefore, I recommend you wait to have sex, take it slow. If she really cares for you, she will accept you just the way God made you, just for who you are.

There is no need to be nervous, if its meant to be it will be. If she is not attracted to you it won’t work anyway. So, be confident in what you have and give the best version of yourself. That is all you can do.

If she doesn’t accept, well then on to the next! There will be another woman out there who will love every part of you and not want to change anything! You dig?

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Advice to Gabrielle Union – How to Marry a Man with Children – Celebrity Tuesdays

Published on September 16, 2014March 2, 2020 by Chauntel DelgadoLeave a comment

Adding to the tradition of expanding my blog topics. I will be writing love and life advice to celebrities on Tuesdays. Feel free to apply this advice to your life, love and relationships! BTW this was my husbands idea, and I have to hand it to him, he is awesome! Shout out to DavD Beats!

Here was my first post in this category that I wrote to Kim and Kanye when they were married. The title of this post was: Advice to Kim Kardashian & Kayne West on How to Survive Year 1 of Marriage, CLICK TO READ

So here it goes!

Two beautiful and talented people tied the not last month, actress Gabrielle Union, 41, and Miami Heat player Dwyane Wade, 32. They celebrated their nuptials in Miami, Florida. It was a family affair which they shared with Dwyane’s adorable boys.

When you first get married there is a transition period where you get to know the good, the bad, and the ugly. There are expectations and realities that are not present in a dating relationship that you begin to learn and witness once you get married. The first year of marriage can be considered difficult because it is a transition period. Both parties are learning their new roles, while simultaneously still attempting to keep a sense of self.

This becomes even more difficult when children are added to the equation because not only are you dealing with the transition into becoming a husband or a wife, but you also have to make a transition to be mommy and daddy. Doing this simultaneously can prove to be difficult. It forces you to take on twice as many responsibilities, and it can put a strain on your relationship. Therefore, it is essential that you handle it with care and stay flexible!

Having children in your life is a true blessing from God! As much of a blessing as they are, it takes hard work to be a parent. If you choose to marry into a family with children, you not only marry your spouse but you also marry their children. You should be prepared to be a parent and treat them fairly. You have to become self-less and learn that you have to show them love. You must also realize that this is going to be a slow growing process. There will be times where you will get along and other times where you will not see eye-to-eye. However, you must note that this is a full time job that you cannot choose to quit. You have to hang in there and build up the relationship.

If you are the spouse who is bringing the children into the new marriage, choose wisely. You should never choose to marry anyone who does not love and respect your children. If you do you will regret it and the marriage will be sour.

When considering time together with your spouse you must know that their time will be split between you and their children, and you should be happy with the fact that they love and want to take care of their children. If they don’t take care of their children what makes you think that they will take care of you?

With this in mind it is also important that both spouses set time aside for just the two of you. It is important that you have that bonding time, especially when you first get married. You must consider time with both your spouse and their children, who will now be called YOUR children. Many marriages struggle as a result of a difference of opinions on how to spend money and how to raise children.

As a result having children can add stress to a relationship, so it is absolutely essential that the bride and groom discuss their expectations long before the choose to get married. This way there are not any huge surprises, and with God’s help the rest can be communicated through! Always keep him at the center of your relationship, and the head of your children’s lives, and everything will work out just fine! In fact, you will find yourself to be a happy and healthy family!

Congrats to Gabrielle and Dwayne and all of you other newly married couples with children! We are rooting for ya!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Keeping Your Marriage Happy – Marriage Mondays

Published on September 15, 2014April 23, 2016 by Chauntel DelgadoLeave a comment

Hey Jewels & Gems!

I have decided to expand my horizons a bit! Here is a new series on my blog! It may spill over into my YouTube channel who knows! It is entitled Marriage Mondays! I did write one a while back, to try it out! You guys seemed to like it so lets get it going! Even if you are not married some of these posts may still help with those of you in relationships!

Click: First Marriage Mondays Post

So here it goes!

The little things matter! In love and marriage, it is important to always remember that your spouse may not always outwardly express what they may be feeling, but it is your job to stay in tune with not only their needs but also their wants!

Not only does this make them feel special, but it also makes them feel needed and wanted. Sometimes we find ourselves so wrapped up in our own worlds that we forget to stop and assess what’s going on around us.

It is during these times, that the ones closest to us, might find themselves needing us the most. So, we have to, as they say “take time to smell the roses”. Slow down and connect with your spouse, so that you can attend to what they need.

Did you know that 93% of communication happens nonverbally. There was a study done by Dr. Albert Mehrabian, author of Silent Messages. He found that only 7% of communication happens through words and 38% is expressed through vocal elements. More the 55% is communicated through nonverbal elements such as facial expressions, gestures, posture, and related body language.

Next to God, your spouse has to be the second top priority in your life, more than work or other activities. If they are not happy, it will begin to effect each of you individually; then it will begin to effect your marriage.

So pay close attention to both their verbal and nonverbal cues. If you only listen to the words that you hear and ignore what you see, you are truly missing out on 93% of the bigger picture. Give it a try this week, be attentive to your spouses wants as well as their needs and see just how much you make them smile! Attention to nonverbal cues is essential to keeping a happy marriage!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

Have a Marriage Monday Topic Idea?

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Re: Ask E. Jean- WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU’RE NOT EXPECTING

Published on August 8, 2014August 8, 2014 by Chauntel DelgadoLeave a comment

Hello My Beautiful Jewels,

I have decided to begin giving my responses to some popular advice columns that I read. Below is my first entry taken from Ask E. Jean, column writer for Elle magazine.

Here is the link to the original post on elle.com. Link: http://www.elle.com/life-love/ask-e-jean/ask-e-jean-pregnant-friends

Dear E. Jean: I have a wonderful two-year-old, who is the absolute light of my life, and a husband I adore. I love being a mom and desperately wish to expand our family. However, I have suffered three miscarriages in the past 10 months (despite testing and treatment for a blood-clotting disorder linked to miscarriage), in addition to losing my father. At the moment, I am hurting too much from all this loss and need to take a break from trying for another child, and I’m also recognizing that it may not be in Mother Nature’s cards for us to have another. (It took almost two years to conceive my daughter, so fertility has never come naturally for me.)

The problem is, nearly all of my friends are pregnant right now and I’m finding it incredibly hard to be around them. Watching their bodies change is a constant reminder of where I should have been had any of my pregnancies lasted. I don’t want to cut myself off socially, especially in a time of such grief, but I find it very painful to see such abundant fertility around me. What can I do, short of finding an entirely new group of friends? —Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken,

You are dealing with such a very difficult time right now. I can totally relate to what you are going through. I just had a miscarriage myself about 7 weeks ago. I will post my videos below where I share my story.

Did you know that 1 and 3 pregnant women will loose their baby?

It is a reality that many people are not aware of. The pain that comes with a miscarriage is so very difficult both physically and emotionally. Although, the people around you may not quite understand exactly how you are feeling, what matters most is their love and support for you.

It is natural for you to be sad when you see your friends going along in their pregnancy, while you have continued to loose yours. However, I believe that you have the strength to overcome those negative feelings, but it is going to take some work on your part.

You cannot possibly be happy for them if you are beating yourself up over this. So, here is what you need to do. You first must stop beating yourself up. As women, we can find ourselves blaming ourselves for the fact that we cannot get pregnant or stay pregnant. We slowly begin tearing ourselves down. Then when we see women who are pregnant we may begin comparing ourselves to them and wondering why our pregnancy did not work out. That is the absolute opposite of what you should do. However, it may seem like the easiest road to take.

So, I want you to walk the unbeaten path. The path of a strong woman, who holds her head up high in-spite of the pain that she is experiences. Have confidence in yourself, and know that just because your pregnancies have not worked out it does not make you any less of a woman. Also, as that strong woman you must know that if these women truly are your friends they mean you no harm and you should embrace them during this hard time. If them talking about their pregnancies saddens you, then just be honest with them and let them know that you are having a hard time with the loss of your babies. Inform them that although you are happy for them, you would rather not talk about pregnancy at all. If they are truly your friends they should be sensitive to that fact, and heed to your request. If they do not, then they are selfish and not a true friend to you.

Beyond that, lets thank God for our blessings. He has given you a husband who loves you and a daughter all yours. Those times when you begin beating yourself up just remember how blessed you are to have them in your lives. Some women will not ever get married or have a child, and you have both.

So, if it is really your desire to have another baby, don’t give up. It is going to take some time and it may take more heartache, but you are strong enough to endure it. Do you know how I know? – because God will not put more on you than you can bear, and you are still standing sista.

As a good friend of mines reminded me, an idle mind is the devil’s workshop, and all he wants is for us women to separate ourselves during our time of need. When you see your pregnant friends, instead of focusing on what they have, and what you lack, I want you to focus on what both of you have – love and family. Don’t see yourself as less than, but instead know that God knew you were strong enough to endure. We all have hard times, but this too shall pass.

Also, Don’t keep your feelings inside, discuss how you are feeling with your husband. He is hurting too, and during this time you two need to need to show love and support to each-other.

May God be with you and your family, and if it is in his will, you will have another baby.

Lots of Love,

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

New Video: How to Deal with a Gold Digger – Relationship Advice – Ask Chauntel

Published on August 7, 2014 by Chauntel DelgadoLeave a comment

When dealing with relationships sometimes we will run across people who will do their best to use and abuse us. How do we deal with these types of situations. How do you guide yourself through a situation where you have been taken advantage of? Watch!

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

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How to Become More Confident in Your Body and Love It!

Published on July 27, 2014September 3, 2017 by Chauntel DelgadoLeave a comment

21-year-old Kaylee writes:

Hey Chauntel!

I love your videos I wish I was as confident as you are!

I recently have a boyfriend of 4 months who’s 26 and who I deeply love and care about.

We have never been too intimate, we never had our clothes off or touched each other let alone have sex. We’ve been only kissing and hugging.

The reason we never did this is because I’m a very insecure girl when it comes to my body. I’m natural skinny, have small boobs and a small a**. On top of that my boobs are asymmetric uneven which makes me more insecure.

My insecurity came from my ex verbally abusive boyfriend who would always say something negative about my body.

He would say things like “you have some chicken arms and legs” – “you have no booty” – “you should eat more”. He always say that he’s just joking and that I should know that he’s only ‘joking’.

But it’s not just my ex boyfriend who used to say that, my family too.

They always used to tease me like “you’re skinny cause you don’t eat a lot” – “you’re like a walking stick” – “people can break you in 2”.

It really really hurts my feelings say those things to me. I can’t do anything about how God made me 😦 If I could I would. Whatever I eat I just don’t gain weight. So that really damaged my self esteem and made me more self conscious.

I became so self conscious to the point where I used to put, hip and breast pads to create some curves so I can feel better and look more ‘attractive’.

I met my current boyfriend while I was wearing those pads. I always remove his hands when he gets near those places cause in afraid he might feel something strange. I’m afraid to get intimate with him and put my pads off he will see that I don’t have those curves and might like me less or even worse leave me.

I created something that I’m not, and now it’s getting in between me and the guy that I love.
So far he’s been really patient and he’s a very understanding guy but at some point he’ll lose his patience cause he got needs as well and would want to get intimate with me. Always talk about it, but I always try to avoid that subject he asks me why I won’t be intimate.

My question for you is:
How can I get pass this? Do I tell him about the pads or not?
And How do I become more confident about my body?

If you would help I would really appreciate that!!!!

Love you girl!

Hi Kaylee!

Wow there is so much to address here! I want to start off by saying thanks so much for your kind words. I am so glad that you have been enjoying my videos! It means so much!

So let’s take your question piece by piece, ok?

I am so glad that you have been able to find a guy that you are into that is also into you! That is so fun, right? I would just like to point out that, although the physical part is important to address, intimacy goes beyond just the physical. However, I do understand that you are in a situation where you feel that he is looking to get more physical. This is just as much your decision as it is his, so be sure that you are not rushing into or forcing it before it is time.

In my eyes its not such a bad thing that you have only been hugging and kissing! From my videos, I am sure that you know that I am Christian and believe in abstinence. So, my hope is that you will save yourself for marriage. Ultimately, this is your decision, but I want point out that based on your beliefs, values, and emotions, you must decide if and when you’re ready to go all the way with him.

Now, let’s talk about you being insecure about your body. We all have something about our body that we dislike and wish to mask. Some people even go as far as to change themselves through surgeries, but I am with you sista, God made us just as we are and we should embrace ourselves as such.

The only reason that we feel insecure about ourselves is because we find ourselves comparing ourselves to others. No good can come from that because we were all made completely differently.

As far as this ex-boyfriend of yours. He is scum. I am glad you were able to recognize the fact that he left you emotionally scarred. Knowing that alone will help you begin the healing process. Many times when people begin to tear us down, its because of their own insecurities. However, words hurt, but what you have to do is release those negative thoughts that he put into your head about yourself so that you can move forward with your life. Don’t give him this kind of power over you and allow it to effect your self worth. You have to let him and everything that came with him go. There is no need for you to carry around that emotional baggage that he has given you. Leave it for him to pick up.

No matter what he or your family has said about you. God made you to be just who you are and no one should dare try to challenge that. Who are they to question God’s creation. Sometimes, the people closest to us can be the most critical. The crucial part about it is their words can have the most impact. Why? Because they are close to our hearts and their words are just that much closer to tugging and tearing down our heart strings.

However, you have the power to overcome their horrible words and the pain that they have given you.

I would like to share a verse with you: Psalms 139:14

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

There is also a song that I will leave in the end of this post, called “Overcomer” it is powerful and uplifting! Once you let go of everyone’s horrible words and stop carrying around their pain with you, you will begin to breathe better. Then, I need you to stop comparing yourself to everyone else. Once you accept the fact that you were wonderfully made by God, and he loves you just the way you are you will begin to build confidence in your body. Do not compare yourself to other people because you will always be disappointed. Why? Because we are not the same and there is a true beauty in that right?

Yes, you should absolutely share the truth with your guy. If he really cares about you, although he may be shocked that will not run him away. However, if he is only with you for your body then he may not respond so well, but guess what if that is the case you don’t want him anyway.

You are absolutely going to be ok. Just prepare yourself mentally for the conversation because you do not know how he is going to react. Give him some time though, be patient with him. He may be upset with you initially, because essentially you have been lying to him non-verbally.

So be patient with him, and share this information because until you do your relationship cannot move forward!

I Hope This Helps, and I love you to girl! I also want to share with you a radio podcast that I recorded last summer. The title of the show is “Is Body Image Mental or Physical?”

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/askchauntel/2013/08/23/dating-and-relationship-advice-from-ask-chauntel

Here is the song I told you about:

Love You Lots!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Experiencing a Miscariage Story -Physically

Published on July 26, 2014July 26, 2014 by Chauntel DelgadoLeave a comment

I want to send a special thank you to everyone for you love and support through this difficult process. This video is for those who have been following my journey as well as those will or have experienced this!

In this video I explain the physical pain that a miscarriage can cause. It can be very difficult to do normal day-to-day things, and you must give your body time to heal. I share my story of how I endured it, and I must say I could not have done it without my family.

I also forgot to mention that to soothe the cramps naturally, I drank fresh ginger tea and used a massager on my tense muscles.

Here is the video I was referring to towards the end of the video:

Advice to Kim Kardashian & Kayne West on How to Survive Year 1 of Marriage

Published on May 27, 2014April 23, 2016 by Chauntel Delgado1 Comment

Screen Shot 2014-05-27 at 10.30.23 AM

Screen Shot 2014-05-27 at 10.30.36 AM

Hello My Jewels,

So, I am sure that you have heard of the “royal” wedding that united Kim Kardashian and Kayne West in holy matrimony over the weekend. And my ohhhh my did she look stunning to say the least! This dress was a much better option compared to the former dress she wore when she was wedded with Chris Humphries. It fits her shape like a glove, more on than the latter…In this post I will be sharing my advice to Kim and Kayne and other newly-wedded couples!

It is commonly shared that the first year of marriage is the most difficult. You may wonder why? Well there are many things to consider when starting your marriage off.

So here is my advice to Kim and Kanye as well as anyone else who is newly married or will be:

Keep you private conversations private. It is good to have a good friend/or family member as a relief system to talk to outside of your spouse, but don’t share incriminating information because it may cause resentment, unless you are being abused of course.

In lieu of the fact that you have busy schedules, be sure that you are spending quality time together. You may have busy schedules, but the last thing that you want is to be lacking in time spent together. It is just as important as the other things that you wish to do with your time.

Take time to show your appreciation to each-other by doing small little thoughtful things for each-other as a reminder that you care.

During the first year of marriage you learn each-other’s habits and expectations. Some of these are good and some bad. You may or may not agree with many of them, but you must communicate and establish a common ground. Here is where you learn to compromise.

To have a successful first year of marriage you must pay close attention to detail. What is it that your husband/wife wants and needs. You must identify that. Many times we speak with our eyes. So learn to read their non-verbal cues.

Screen Shot 2014-05-27 at 10.31.53 AM Also, don’t let the small hick-ups go unresolved. Communicate through every bump in the rode. If you allow bad feelings to grow you will eventually grow resentment towards your spouse. It is essential that you share your feelings often. Also, be sure that you spend quality time together. Time with your spouse needs to be included in your schedule just like everything else. Relationships take work and they occupy your time.

Be sure to praise your spouse for the things that they are doing well. If you only focus on what they are doing wrong you will find it difficult to make them feel good. They will also feel as though they are not making you happy which will in turn cause them to feel self-conscious. Even though you may not realize it, you two have expectations of each-other. These expectations are usually based off of what you have witnessed as a child as you watched your parents or “parent-like” figures interact. Be sure to communicate what you expect from each-other in the beginning.

Spend time doing things that you enjoy together, but also sacrifice and do things that each of you separately enjoy even if you personally don’t like those things. You do this because you love each-other.

Spend time with both of your families and friends. Keep it fair!

Share your life with your spouse. You want to make them feel like they are the center of your world.

I Hope This Helps!

Email Questions to askchauntel@gmail.com, and comment below with your advice!

-Chauntel

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“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

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