How to Communicate with your Romantic Partner When You are Upset

couple talking
by stock images

Hello Jewels!

Today I am inspired to share with you the proper way to communicate when you are upset with your romantic partner(boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife). Communication alone is difficult for most of us, but no one said that sustaining a healthy relationship would be easy. However, just like anything else if you want it to be good it takes time and effort.

When we are upset with our partners, there are usually two responses we may give. Our first instinct may be to give them the cold shoulder. Some may begin yelling uncontrollably. However, we well know that neither of these reactions will solve the problem.

If you choose to give them the cold shoulder, which in turn is choosing not communicate, you may find yourself at odds for a painstaking long time. This extended amount of time at odds just forces the situation to become more uncomfortable. Coincidently,  what you were upset about at the beginning becomes distorted develops even more problems.

On the other hand, if you choose to begin yelling at them, not only do both of you raise your blood-pressure, watching  the veins pop out of your necks, but you may also find yourself in a daze of anger. So, what is the best way to deal with this?

You have to talk calmly to one another, and it has to be in the right setting. Meaning the conversation should be held privately. Don’t have these types of conversations in front of children or friends. Sometimes, these conversations make you feel vulnerable, and they can become heated debates. You do not want your children to see this. Friends and family should also not witness this conversation. It can become very personal and it is best to be held privately. Many times, the way you handle this will determine the strength of your relationship.

Watch your words because you don’t want to end up saying something ugly simply because you were caught up in the moment. If you find yourself getting upset take a moment and count to 10. This will give you a moment to gather you thoughts, so that you can proceed forward with the conversation.

Be sure that when you are having the conversation you are honest about your feelings and be sure not to say things simply out of anger, or the desire to make your spouse/bf/gf hurt more. Also, don’t hold your feelings in. You cannot rectify the problem if you do not share with your partner what is wrong.  Your goal here should be to identify the problem and find a solution. Do not ignore it and sweep it under the rug. It will only get worse. This must be a collaborative effort. Both of you have to put time into this, and work to make it better.

Lastly, after the issue has been resolved. Show some physical sign of remorse. Apologize, and figure out how the situation will be handled in the future.

I Hope This Helps!

Have a questions? Click here, tweet me, or email me at askchauntel@gmail.com!

Chauntel

 

Having a hard time trying to figure out what to give your mom for Mother’s Day? Want to make sure that you select or create just what she wants? Where there is a will, there is a way! Watch!

Strict Parents? Teen Long Distance Relationship Tips – Ask Chauntel

Chauntel explains how you can convince your parents that having a boyfriend or girlfriend is not such a bad thing in high school! She also gives some fun and cheap date ideas for teens or anyone else on a budget. What can you do to appease your strict parents and get them on your side effortlessly?! Watch?

This video expresses what I have had going on lately and gives you a preview into changes that you are going to see on my channel. It is the first episode of Heart to Heart where I share things on my heart with you all!

Fun and Cheap Date Ideas Video: http://youtu.be/82_0_u8fez4

So if you want to learn more about me and see what’s coming up on the show you don’t want to miss this!

My Website: http://www.askchauntel.com
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/askchauntel
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/askchauntel
Like My Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ask-Ch…
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/chaunteldelgado

What do Women Want for Valentines Day?

facebook  googleplus pinterest twitter youtube

So, you finally survive through choosing the perfect Christmas gift, then you look up and it’s already time for another thoughtful gift. A Valentines Day gift! What is a guy to do?

I understand your frustration guys, and I hear the pain. So, I thought I would provide you with a guide to selecting the perfect Valentines Day gift!

8 Ways to Avoid Buying the Wrong Valentines Day Gift

by Stoonn
by Stoonn

Selecting a gift for your sweetheart on Valentines Day can be a difficult task for many.

Why? Well there is a  large margin for error on this special day. Whether you have been in a relationship for a while, or if you just started dating, either reality causes for apprehension.

A Valentines Day gift is not like Birthday or Christmas gift, it is a very personal gift. The gift is symbolic of LOVE. It can be given between family, friends, or lovers.

But, the Question is what do you buy? Do you buy it, should you make it? Does it have to have a certain price point? All great questions, and the answer is different for every person.

1. The Gift Should Not Be Something that You Want
You shouldn’t get her your favorite candy, so that the two of you can “share.”

woman working out by marin
by marin

2. The Gift Should Not Hint Towards Something Underlying 
For example, don’t buy your husband/wife a gym membership to hint towards that fact that you want him/her to loose weight.

3. Don’t Be Cheap
The value of a gift is not always monetary. It should be something that you had to spend some time thinking about. You don’t have to empty you wallet, but you must remember the gift value is presenting their love value. It’s not about the money you spend it’s about the meaning behind the gift.

4. Don’t Re-gift  
If you gave the gift to your X, it’s probably not a good idea to give it to your new girl. So, take time to find a gift that is unique to her, or him. It looses it’s value, meaning, and thoughtfulness if it was given before.

5. Don’t Give Cheap Chocolate if You Are Over 16

Cheap chocolate tastes cheap. Ah! Gross! You would be better off buying a candy bar and adding a thoughtful card than buying a cheap box of chocolate and handing if over!

man giving his wife a gift
by Ohmmy3d

6. Don’t Buy A Card and Only Sign the Bottom
Buy a card to go with your gift, is such a great idea. It displays that you want to express in words  how much the person means to you. However, if you sign a blank card that only says “Happy Valentines Day” It makes your card dry and cold. Add a bit of your own handwriting, then sign your name!

7.  Don’t Buy a Birthday or Christmas Gift
Although jackets, shoes, and vacuums may be needed, a more special gift should be considered, like a necklace, earrings or a teddy bear.

8. Don’t Give Only Perishable Items
Flowers, and chocolate are great gifts for Valentines, but don’t forget the card or the teddy bear. Why? You want her to have something to remember you by. Something she can look at and think of you. She may be thinking of you as she bites into that yummy piece of chocolate, but she can keep the card to read and look over and over again.

This Guy is No Good for Me…But I am in Love – Help! – Ask Chauntel

facebook  googleplus pinterest twitter youtube

16-year-old Alisha writes:

I have been talking to and dating this boy on and off for about a year. Throughout the relationship we’ve had arguments, and he has done me very wrong. However, I was always quick to forgive him just to get back to our happiness. I hope you can get back to me, there is so much more to this story. I know he is not good for me, and he did me wrong. I love him tho, i truely do. We have fun and alot of goodtimes and memories together.

by Stuart Miles
by Stuart Miles

Hi Alisha,

This is very simple. You have said it all. This guy is no good for you. Why drag this out? I understand that your feelings for him are strong, but that does not excuse his behavior. You should walk away before you get deeper into this and get to a place where it is hard to recover your feelings. Be strong, you will get through this.

Thanks,

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

I Don’t Like My Bestfriend Anymore as a Boyfriend- Help

16-year-old Cecie writes:

Hey Chauntel,

I just had my first relationship with my best friend, and I like him. He is very good, but I kinda feel weird to act romantic and stuff. So most of the time, I avoid it. I feel like I’d rather be more of his best friend than a girlfriend. So I really don’t know what to do plz help. I am kinda having second thoughts about it.

Hi Cecie!

Yikes! This is a tough situation to be in. I would say, once you overstep that friendship boundary it can be difficult to go back.

When I read your question, it immediately made me think of a rubber-band as a metaphor.

I have three possible scenarios for you. Let’s say that your relationship is the rubber-band.

ImageThe first scenario is you  pull  the rubber-band so far apart that it immediately breaks. O’Boy does that hurt! If he is “falling” for you it will be very difficult for your relationship to spring back from “romantic” to “friend-zone”. He may be so hurt by it that he walks away completely, because of a broken heart.

The second scenario is you have pulled the rubber-band so far apart and although it did not quite break,  it stretched. Meaning, the original fibers no longer go back into place as they once were. At that point there is nothing you can quite do about it, but try to build from where you are.

Occasionally, when you stretch a rubber-band it may spring back into its original shape. Therefore,  depending on how strong your friendship is, it could go back to how it was before, but only time will tell. And it is very unlikely that your relationship will not suffer any damages from these changes. Once you decide to to transition your relationship from “friend” to “romance” going back the other way again is nearly impossible without any change occurring within the relationship. I am very doubtful that it will.

Image
by Ambro

In these situations, there is usually one person whose feelings are stronger than the other.

He might find it difficult to ignore the fact that the dynamics of the relationship have changed. It may be that his feelings may have grown too strong for you at this point, or there is also the possibility that he feels exactly the same way and also doesn’t see the sparks flying. In this case he will be open to walking back into a friendship. He is the only one who can tell you how he feels, and only time will tell how he will react.

So, what should you do? Give it some time until you really know how you feel. At this point, you don’t sound too sure about how you feel. Speaking against the relationship before you truly know how you feel could be detrimental. I would wait it out for a little while. Once your feelings are more clear you have to verbalize them to him.

You have to first be honest with yourself, then you have to be honest with him. If he really values your friendship he will work through it. He might need some time to adjust, and you need to give him that time.

I Hope This Helps!

http://www.youtube.com/askchauntel

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/chaunteldelgado
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/askchauntel
Like Our Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ask-Ch…
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/chaunteldelgado

How to Get a Girl to Stop Texting Your Boyfriend – Ask Chauntel – Relationship Advice

Ever been in a situation where someone else is interested in your boyfriend or girlfriend? How do you handle the situation?

 

Why Do Women Date Older Men? – Ask Chauntel – Dating Advice

When it comes to age and dating, it seems that many times younger women are attracted to older men. Why is that? What causes this fascination? Watch and comment below!

My Girlfriend Cheated on Me How Do I Get Her Back? – Ask Chauntel

20-year-old Chedda from Nairobi, Kenya writes:

Hi Chauntel,

I just found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me, and I decided to break up with her…but i really love her. How do I get her to come back and say sorry?

ImageHi Chedda,

If your girlfriend cheated on you, then it is probably best that you broke up with her. The only time that I think you should consider going back into this relationship is if she has regained your trust and is obviously ready to make a positive change for the future of your relationship.

Otherwise, she will not respect you and will most likely continue to be unfaithful. So, my friend it is best that you let her do the apologizing. You have nothing to apologize for. She should be the one trying to make things work with you. If she isn’t then that probably means that she is just not that into you, and is not interested in continuing a relationship with you.

So, I would like to see you continuing to stand up for yourself, and wait to see how she handles the situation. If she is not apologetic, and is not pursuing you anymore, it’s best that you let this one go, ok? You deserve to be with someone who loves you and appreciates you for who you are.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/chaunteldelgado
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/askchauntel
Like Our Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ask-Ch…
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/chaunteldelgado 

Is He Using Me For Sex? – Relationship Advice – Ask Chauntel

If you have ever wondered if the guy you are with is using this video for sex this video will help. Chauntel answers a question from Mya a who is having a difficult time deciding how to express herself to her guy about how she feels. He doesn’t kiss her anymore. What should she do? Watch!

Ask a Question by Clicking Contact: http://www.askchauntel.com

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/askchauntel
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/askchauntel
Like Our Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ask-Ch…
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/askchauntel