Tag: Dating & Relationships

This Guy is No Good for Me…But I am in Love – Help! – Ask Chauntel

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16-year-old Alisha writes:

I have been talking to and dating this boy on and off for about a year. Throughout the relationship we’ve had arguments, and he has done me very wrong. However, I was always quick to forgive him just to get back to our happiness. I hope you can get back to me, there is so much more to this story. I know he is not good for me, and he did me wrong. I love him tho, i truely do. We have fun and alot of goodtimes and memories together.

by Stuart Miles
by Stuart Miles

Hi Alisha,

This is very simple. You have said it all. This guy is no good for you. Why drag this out? I understand that your feelings for him are strong, but that does not excuse his behavior. You should walk away before you get deeper into this and get to a place where it is hard to recover your feelings. Be strong, you will get through this.

Thanks,

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

I Don’t Like My Bestfriend Anymore as a Boyfriend- Help

Published on by Chauntel Delgado1 Comment

16-year-old Cecie writes:

Hey Chauntel,

I just had my first relationship with my best friend, and I like him. He is very good, but I kinda feel weird to act romantic and stuff. So most of the time, I avoid it. I feel like I’d rather be more of his best friend than a girlfriend. So I really don’t know what to do plz help. I am kinda having second thoughts about it.

Hi Cecie!

Yikes! This is a tough situation to be in. I would say, once you overstep that friendship boundary it can be difficult to go back.

When I read your question, it immediately made me think of a rubber-band as a metaphor.

I have three possible scenarios for you. Let’s say that your relationship is the rubber-band.

ImageThe first scenario is you  pull  the rubber-band so far apart that it immediately breaks. O’Boy does that hurt! If he is “falling” for you it will be very difficult for your relationship to spring back from “romantic” to “friend-zone”. He may be so hurt by it that he walks away completely, because of a broken heart.

The second scenario is you have pulled the rubber-band so far apart and although it did not quite break,  it stretched. Meaning, the original fibers no longer go back into place as they once were. At that point there is nothing you can quite do about it, but try to build from where you are.

Occasionally, when you stretch a rubber-band it may spring back into its original shape. Therefore,  depending on how strong your friendship is, it could go back to how it was before, but only time will tell. And it is very unlikely that your relationship will not suffer any damages from these changes. Once you decide to to transition your relationship from “friend” to “romance” going back the other way again is nearly impossible without any change occurring within the relationship. I am very doubtful that it will.

Image
by Ambro

In these situations, there is usually one person whose feelings are stronger than the other.

He might find it difficult to ignore the fact that the dynamics of the relationship have changed. It may be that his feelings may have grown too strong for you at this point, or there is also the possibility that he feels exactly the same way and also doesn’t see the sparks flying. In this case he will be open to walking back into a friendship. He is the only one who can tell you how he feels, and only time will tell how he will react.

So, what should you do? Give it some time until you really know how you feel. At this point, you don’t sound too sure about how you feel. Speaking against the relationship before you truly know how you feel could be detrimental. I would wait it out for a little while. Once your feelings are more clear you have to verbalize them to him.

You have to first be honest with yourself, then you have to be honest with him. If he really values your friendship he will work through it. He might need some time to adjust, and you need to give him that time.

I Hope This Helps!

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How to Get a Girl to Stop Texting Your Boyfriend – Ask Chauntel – Relationship Advice

Published on by Chauntel Delgado1 Comment

Ever been in a situation where someone else is interested in your boyfriend or girlfriend? How do you handle the situation?

 

Why Do Women Date Older Men? – Ask Chauntel – Dating Advice

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When it comes to age and dating, it seems that many times younger women are attracted to older men. Why is that? What causes this fascination? Watch and comment below!

He is Afraid of Commitment – Relationship Advice

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by david castillo
by david castillo

Stacey writes:

Hello Chauntel,

Me and this guy have been hanging out every single day since we met for the past 3 months. Everyone thinks that were a couple and in a relationship because of our chemistry and that we look good together. I have been embracing our friendship and enjoying our time together he hugs me too and kisses me in public hold me and treats me like his girlfriend his family even thinks we’re together. He did tell me that he had commitment issues but only recently did he say he doesn’t see us as a item meaning he was pulling the friend card on me. What does this mean and what should I do because I am completely confused on how to people can be so good together in one can’t see that.

Hi Stacey,

Well, if you continuously went into this knowing that he has commitment issues, you couldn’t expect anything more.

Now this is not to say, that you shouldn’t want more. Just because it may seem like you are together to other people and it may even feel like it to you sometimes you know the truth, you are not. Don’t torture yourself with pretending that this is not the reality.

You have complete control over this situation. Either you are going to accept this situation just as it is, or you are going to part ways with this guy.

If he doesn’t want to commit you cannot, nor should you force him to. Don’t waste too much time here. Treat it as a casual dating relationship and keep dating other guys. He needs to get his feelings together, then you might have a shot at a real relationship. Until then you may as well just have fun with no strings attached. I know this isn’t what you want, but it is what you have.

If you don’t want it anymore, then let him know. At that point he may or may not choose to continue a relationship with you, the type of relationship that you want.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Embarrassed of My Parents – Teen Bullying – Ask Chauntel

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http://youtu.be/9J8IgTGLpfg

A very heartfelt response to an emotional story. She doesn’t remember the last time that she went shopping, and she is being bullied for it. Can you relate? Rate, comment and subscribe!

First Kiss Kissing Tips for Girls – Ask Chauntel

Published on by Chauntel Delgado1 Comment

13-year-old Abby writes:

Hi Chauntel,

My boyfriend wants to kiss me he was going to today, but I got really nervous and chickened out. What are some tips you can give me? How do I start the kiss? Do I just continue kissing till he stops? How do I prepare?

Hope you can help!

kiss photostock
by photostock

Hi Abby!

You should only kiss him when you are ready. There is no rush in this. I say let him be the initiator. He is the guy, so let him take the lead. Don’t time it or anything just let it happen naturally and go for as long as it seems appropriate.
Just know your limits. Before you go into this “first-kiss” situation know what you are comfortable with and not comfortable with. For example, don’t let his hands roam. They need to stay above the waste and away from your “special” areas. This video that I recorded should also be helpful!
I Hope This Helps!
Chauntel

Is He Using Me For Sex? – Relationship Advice – Ask Chauntel

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If you have ever wondered if the guy you are with is using this video for sex this video will help. Chauntel answers a question from Mya a who is having a difficult time deciding how to express herself to her guy about how she feels. He doesn’t kiss her anymore. What should she do? Watch!

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My BestFriend Has a Crush On Me…But I Don’t Like Her

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15-year-old Matt writes:

Hey there Chauntel,

There is this girl that I have had a crush on for about a year and a half now. So I have been watching a bunch of videos on how to tell if a girl likes you. Well the other day a friend told me that my best friend Ots (also a girl, I am not gay) likes me. I have been friends with her since i was like 7.

And after that i noticed that she shows all the signs in the videos, but I always just thought she was being friendly.
Then on the next Monday was talking to Ots and a friend came and said something about Kaitlin ( the girl I like) when that person left Ots was just like “you like Kaitlin?” So I said yes then she said “I have to go… See you tomorrow” then hugged me and left. I have spoken to her since but she has been weird. Then on Thursday i was talking to Kaitlin and she said Ots hasn’t spoken since Monday, but they were really close. My problem is that I have my first date with Kaitlin this weekend but i don’t want to ruin friendships. I really like Kaitlin but i have been best friends with Ots for years!!!! What do I do?????

Hello Matt,

If you have feelings for Kaitlin then go out with her. If this other girl is really your friend she won’t un-friend you simply because you are interested in someone else. If she does, then she was never your friend to begin with.

You cannot live your life according to someone else’s watch. If she gets upset then that is her problem. You are not in a romantic relationship with her, and you don’t owe her anything. If she is your friend then she needs to start acting like it!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

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My Boyfriend is a Jew, and I am a Christian – Relationship Advice – Ask Chauntel

Published on by Chauntel Delgado3 Comments

15-year-old Summer from England writes:

Hello Chauntel!

I have a boyfriend who lives maybe 30 minutes away by train. We meet on a online chat room, and the same week we agreed to meet.
We have meet 3 times since. He’s 16 nearly 17. We have only known each other 5 weeks.
He asked me out on the second time we meet, and i said yes. I can’t tell my parents because they are really strong Christians and he is Jewish, they wont let me have a boyfriend, let alone a Jewish one. I don’t want to tell them just in case they don’t let me see him.
He has told all his friends and family that we are dating, but saying we meet at a party not online because he’s embarrassed of where we meet.
We Skype nearly everyday and i really really like him What should i do?!
Love from
Summer
xxxxxxxx

Mom and DaughterHello Summer,
When it comes to religion, it gets really gummy. I understand your dilemma. However, keeping him a secret is not the answer.
If you were of a marrying age my advice would be different(mostly run far away, This won’t work out., I wouldn’t touch this with a ten foot poll!), but since you are  so young this is how I would approach your situation.
Go to you parents and tell them that you are interested in dating someone. Let them meet him. Try to stray away from conversations about religion. Don’t lie to you parents. If they ask then you must be honest, but if they don’t ask then don’t bring it up. Here is the thing, sneaking around, having secret train rides is dishonest and not safe. Also, you will loose their trust, and this for you will be unbearable.
They will trust you much more if you let them know that you met someone. If after you have to told them the truth, they still ban you from talking to him because of your differing religions you must respect their wishes.
As children of God, we must obey our parents. It is written, Ephesians 6:1, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right.”
Also, I wouldn’t make too big a deal out of this. It would be unwise to get into a deeply rooted relationship with him because eventually you will have to part ways.
The Bible informs us that to be together we must be equally yoked. What does that mean?
It means you have to be of the same mind. Meaning amongst other things, same religion, same values. There is a scripture in Amos, that says (Amos 3:3) “How can two walk together unless they touch and agree.” Now it doesn’t mean literraly touch. This verse in symbolic. Meaning on the same level spiritually.
I know that this can be annoying as well as  seem unfair. I have been in your situation. I was a little older, but it was the same type of thing. I was dating a guy who was of a different denomination that me. I am deeply rooted in mine. We couldn’t agree, and fought a lot. I thought to myself, how can I be with a guy who doesn’t believe the same things as I do. What will my children believe? It was then that I decided it would not be a good idea to become too deeply involved with him. I dated him casually until I met the next guy. The end goal was to find a man that I could eventually marry. Which I did, and he is a catch :)!
Now, the religion title itself is not what matters. The belief system is what matters. As long as you go into your relationship with this understanding then I think you will be ok. But I recommend that you let your parents know that you are dating someone. Again, SNEAKING AROUND BEHIND THEIR BACKS IS NO THE ANSWER.
I Hope That Helps!
Chauntel
Email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com
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