I wanted to share my response to Ask E. Jean Caroll’s advice column. Here is the question:
Dear E. Jean: I have a wonderful two-year-old who is the absolute light of my life, and a husband I adore. I love being a mom and desperately wish to expand our family. However, I have suffered three miscarriages in the past 10 months (despite testing and treatment for a blood-clotting disorder linked to miscarriage), in addition to losing my father. At the moment, I am hurting too much from all this loss and need to take a break from trying for another child, and I’m also recognizing that it may not be in Mother Nature’s cards for us to have another. (It took almost two years to conceive my daughter, so fertility has never come naturally for me.)
The problem is, nearly all my friends are pregnant right now and I’m finding it incredibly hard to be around them. Watching their bodies change is a constant reminder of where I should have been had any of my pregnancies lasted. I don’t want to cut myself off socially, especially in a time of such grief, but I find it very painful to see such abundant fertility around me. What can I do, short of finding an entirely new group of friends? —Heartbroken
Ask Chauntel Response:
Dear Heartbroken,
Big Picture Idea: Wow, how how much loss you have experienced in such a short amount of time. I cannot even imagine losing a baby at 10 months. What joy you must of had in your heart for this little one to loose them so quickly. I too had a miscarriage, but mines was at 6 weeks. That feeling of pain when you loose your unborn child is nothing that can be described in words.
I also cannot imagine the pain that you must have felt with that experience toppled with the loss of your father. You are a strong woman, and you will overcome this. Take it one day at a time and reflect on the great memories you have with your father. Be comforted that this life is only temporary, and you can see him again. In this season of your life, much prayer and ceasing after God that is going to help you overcome the daily weight that you carry on your shoulders.
Practical Application: To answer your question specifically, no you absolutely do not get a set of new friends. Instead, you call on the Holy Spirit, your comforter, and ask him to make you whole again. If you need to take some time away from your friends that is understandable, but do not take too much time because we need each other for love and strength. Pain becomes even more painful alone.
All you need to do is give yourself time, time to mourn, and time to feel. Whatever you do, do not bottle this pain up inside. Find away to express yourself. Know that your two-year-old daughter is full of life and needs you so much. She will give you the strength to get through it. Not only that, when the time is right God will bless you with another baby for her to play with.
Don’t rush anything take this in stride, and know that to everything there is a season. You will slowly overcome your pain enough to be around those friends again. What God has for you, it is for you so you do not have to envy your friends, even with slow inferility you have so many blessings in your life. Be content with what he has given you and you will receive all the more.
I Hope This helps!
If you would like to read E Jean’s response click here.
Here is the story on my miscarriage:
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Hey Jewels please leave your advice and comments below on Hearbroken’s question.
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