Relationship trust can be particularly challenging when you’ve made questionable relationship choices in the past.
Sometimes the hardest part is not simply trusting the person you’re with.
It’s trusting yourself to make a healthy choice.
That’s why I believe prayer, supplication, and wise counsel matter so much when you’re trying to determine whether a relationship is right for you.
For me, that means praying about the relationship and talking with people I trust who have discernment, wisdom, and a genuine relationship with God.
At some point, though, after you’ve prayed, sought counsel, paid attention, and done your due diligence, you also have to give yourself permission to breathe.
You have to trust God through the process.
Trust Begins With Your Relationship With God
For me, the foundation of healthy romantic trust is your relationship with God.
Before I can feel confident about the person I’m building with, I want to know that I have brought that relationship before God.
I want to know that the person I’m choosing is someone whose character, values, direction, and relationship with me are compatible with the life God is calling me to build.
That doesn’t mean you’ll have every answer immediately.
It means you are willing to consult God before you allow fear, attraction, loneliness, or outside pressure to make the decision for you.
And when you are unsure, keep consulting Him.
Pray.
Pay attention.
Seek wisdom.
Trust God to guide you as you learn.
Trust Is Built, Not Simply Given
Trust also has to grow inside the relationship itself.
You and the person you are with have to participate in building it.
Trust is earned through consistency.
Through showing up.
Through keeping your word.
Through honesty.
Through communication.
Through the way you handle disappointment, conflict, responsibility, and difficult conversations.
You have a responsibility to become trustworthy in the relationship.
And the person you are with has a responsibility to demonstrate that they can be trusted too.
Healthy relationships require both people to participate.
Pay Attention to Reciprocity
Relationships involve giving and receiving.
You may not contribute in exactly the same way or at exactly the same level every single day, but there should be evidence that both people are invested.
If you are constantly giving, initiating, fixing, forgiving, planning, communicating, and carrying the relationship while the other person consistently gives very little back, that matters.
But if your partner is showing up, making an effort, contributing, communicating, and working with you, that gives trust something to grow from.
You do not have to pretend everything is perfect.
You simply need to be willing to look at the relationship clearly.
Ask yourself:
- Is this person consistent?
- Do their actions match their words?
- Do I feel respected?
- Can we work through difficult things together?
- Am I the only person trying to make this relationship work?
- Is trust growing over time?
Those answers give you information.
You Can Work on Trust Every Day
You do not need to have every part of your relationship figured out today.
Trust can be strengthened through small, intentional choices.
Have the conversation.
Keep your commitment.
Tell the truth.
Apologize when necessary.
Listen.
Pray together.
Show appreciation.
Address problems instead of pretending they do not exist.
Allow the other person the opportunity to show you who they are over time.
And as you build trust with your partner, continue building trust with yourself.
Trust yourself to pay attention.
Trust yourself to ask questions.
Trust yourself to recognize when something is not right.
And trust yourself enough to receive something good when it is.
Most importantly, keep trusting God through the process.
You may still be learning.
You may still be building.
And that is okay.
You’re not behind. You’re becoming.
XOXO,
Chauntel
P.S. I have new faith-based relationship products coming soon, including tools for communication, trust, dating, and building healthier relationships. Stay tuned. 🌹💛