Me and this guy have been hanging out every single day since we met for the past 3 months. Everyone thinks that were a couple and in a relationship because of our chemistry and that we look good together. I have been embracing our friendship and enjoying our time together he hugs me too and kisses me in public hold me and treats me like his girlfriend his family even thinks we’re together. He did tell me that he had commitment issues but only recently did he say he doesn’t see us as a item meaning he was pulling the friend card on me. What does this mean and what should I do because I am completely confused on how to people can be so good together in one can’t see that.
Hi Stacey,
Well, if you continuously went into this knowing that he has commitment issues, you couldn’t expect anything more.
Now this is not to say, that you shouldn’t want more. Just because it may seem like you are together to other people and it may even feel like it to you sometimes you know the truth, you are not. Don’t torture yourself with pretending that this is not the reality.
You have complete control over this situation. Either you are going to accept this situation just as it is, or you are going to part ways with this guy.
If he doesn’t want to commit you cannot, nor should you force him to. Don’t waste too much time here. Treat it as a casual dating relationship and keep dating other guys. He needs to get his feelings together, then you might have a shot at a real relationship. Until then you may as well just have fun with no strings attached. I know this isn’t what you want, but it is what you have.
If you don’t want it anymore, then let him know. At that point he may or may not choose to continue a relationship with you, the type of relationship that you want.
I just watched your video on YouTube answering someone’s question on how to get over your first love and I just wanted to tell you my story and see if you could give me some advice when you have the time.
When I was 14 I went out with a boy called James. We were only together for 2 months but I was amazed by him I thought I’d found my soul mate.
We broke up because things weren’t working out and when I look back now I feel that was the right decision because I was just too young and dumb to know the ins and outs of a relationship and how to really treat someone you love.
The last time I saw him back then was valentines day 2012 and that broke my heart as that is a special day to anyone in a relationship! A year went by and and James and I started talking on text and we became really close friends however I still hadn’t seen him since the day he broke up with me. I saw him February 2013 at a party and we got along so well. We spoke the whole night and then one thing led to another and we were kissing by the end of the night. A couple of parties later, the same thing would happen and we both started to realise we wanted to give “us” another go.
In March 2013 James asked me to be his girlfriend again. (I’m 16 so I felt the time was right). I said yes of course and the relationship was great for the first few months! I gave him everything as I really wanted him to be the one. He was my first for everything (and sex). I guess we had sex early on in the relationship it was about 3-4 months in to it. We both felt that the time was right and I loved him so so much so I wanted to do it and so did he.
The day before our 6 month anniversary, James broke up with me (this was only a couple of weeks ago). His reason is that he just wants to be a teenager and have fun with his mates and then find a relationship later on in life. He said he thought he could have a serious relationship but he realised he couldn’t. This has broken my heart! Everyday I think about him constantly and I can’t get him out of my mind. I wanted him to be “the one”. I love him to death, I really do and I just can’t cope with how I’m feeling. I just want him back.
It doesn’t help seeing him talking to another girl over twitter and posting pictures of himself with her. It makes me sick because he broke up with me because he doesn’t want a relationship yet he’s getting close to another girl, and so soon!!
All of my friends have gone now because we were in one big group but now they’re all doing their own thing and going with James as well. I have no one but my mum and I’m lucky to have her but I just feel so lonely.
I’ve started to take things out on myself and I’m scratching my wrists with sharp objects and I don’t even know why. It makes me feel better at the time and then I just feel down because I ask myself “why are you doing this?!”
I am still messaging him and I know he doesn’t like it because he’s getting annoyed with me constantly telling him i cant cope and how much i miss him but he never contacts me now and it makes me feel horrible because for 6 months we were so close and now its like i don’t even exist to him anymore.
I can’t cope. I just want him back but I don’t know what to do. If I could go back in time a couple of months everything would be perfect. It’s crazy how I can be so happy one minute and now all my dreams have just crashed down. I’ve never felt so low.
I hope you can help.
Hi Ella,
Getting over your first love is a very difficult situation to overcome. However, the majority of us have to face this reality. Why? Well, although young love can be quite fun and exciting. It is usually short lived. Now, don’t get me wrong it doesn’t always work out this way, but this is usually the reality.
The video that you watched, told the story of a girl who had a story almost identical to yours.
This is what you need to do. You need to find the strength deep within yourself to let him go. I know that, that seems nearly impossible. I also understand that you cannot imagine a reality where you are not head over heels in love with this guy, but it is time to begin imagining this is a possibility. From there you will grow into acceptance, where you can begin accepting that this romantic relationship is truly over. Once you do, you will be able to move forward.
Why must you accept it? Well, you are in a state of denial. You are reminiscing on what was and comparing that to what it could have been instead of focusing on what is. What is is, he cared about you enough to let you go. Now that may seem confusing, but it is not. He was honest and straightforward about how he felt about you. What more can you ask for?
Don’t take it personal, he didn’t want a commitment. I know that that is disheartening. I know you are probably thinking, “How could he? Why would he. We had something wonderful”, and you did. So, instead, of beating yourself up about it appreciate the relationship for what it was, take what you learned from it and continue moving forward.
This whole situation is completely under your control. Now, you cannot control his current and future relationships. BUT what you can do is take ahold of your own life and relationships. Hurting yourself absolutely will not bring him back. Twitter stalking will also not bring him back. If I were you I would stop following him on Twitter entirely. This way you won’t have to see his post. Also, note that, being clingy will drive him further away.
Honestly, do you even want him back? Considering that he doesn’t want a commitment, and you cannot stand to see him with someone else, I think not.
You will find a guy who wants the same things as you do, and when you do you will remember this relationship as a distant past-time that had an effect on you when you were 14.
Harming yourself as a result of your feelings for him, is just not fair to you. You have to change your state of mind, and I want you to get help for you NSSI (Non Suicidal Self-Injury). Although, It is how you have chosen to deal with the pain its time to make a change in your life. Harming yourself physically will only result in more pain.
So here is what I need for you to do, if you are comfortable with it, let your parents know that you need to see a therapist . That way you can be treated for NSSI. If that is too bold a move, and you are not comfortable talking to your parents about this, please go see your school psychologist.
OK so I’am a Junior in high school, but I really like this guy who is a Sophomore . How do i ask him out ? Should I ask him out ? We are always making eye contact and smiling at each other so should I take the next step and ask him out , or should I talk to him ? That’s the problem we always say hey to each other , but our conversation really doesn’t go past Hello. How do i talk to him.. HELP ME PLEASE
by franky242
Hello Paula,
The fact that you are at hello is a great start. Instead of outright asking him out you should encourage or inspire him to ask you out. That is the beauty of being a young woman, the power of influence.
He will perceive it as him doing the asking, but you will have done the initiating. How does this work? It’s simple.
Invite him to hang out with you and your friends. You can tell him that he can invite his buddies too. It can be a simple mall trip, miniature golf, or maybe even a trip to the bowling alley, choose a group date along those lines. Once you are out with him, be yourself and flirt with him casually.
If he enjoyed his time with you he will initiate a future hang out. I wish you love!
I’m a big fan of your videos. I met this girl on badoo(social site). She stays far from me, we’ve been chatting for 3months and haven’t met. I really like her and want to date her,but she said she doesn’t believe in true love, what can I do to change her mind? Secondly how can get her to come to where I’m staying? Please help!
I just wanted to leave you with a word of encouragement.
When you make the decision that you are ready to look for a mate, always be sure that you put yourself in the equation.
Don’t choose someone just to feel a void. Choose a person that compliments you. In fact, choose a person that completes you! And by the way…be bold and confident while you do it 🙂
Are you nervous to approach girls? Do you know what to say when you meet them? How do you let them know that you are interested? What do you say when you walk up to them? What kinds of questions should you ask? Watch! askchauntel@gmail.com
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So the guy you have been dating is a little skeptical about “titles”.
You feel like you are in a relationship with him, yet he doesn’t quite call you his girlfriend. This reality leaves you dazed, confused, and sometimes a little frustrated. So What do you do?
You get upset about it, but he always seems to find a way to make you forget about it when you are around him. He knows just what to say, and when to say it. However, when you’re alone all you can do is dissect the situation and try to understand it.
Why won’t he call you his girlfriend? It’s simple. He doesn’t want to commit to you.
Then you ask, well how can that be and why not? When you begin asking these two questions your frustration will build. Why?
Well, if I give you the honest answer you won’t feel any better about the situation than you did before you asked, but since you want to know I guess I will share.
When it comes to a committed relationship, guys can sometimes be scared off by the idea of being “stuck” with one girl. In many cases they would just rather leave their options open.
So, if you are dating “that guy”, what should you do? Well you can chose to take one of two options. One you can accept him for who he is and not pressure the situation, while also keeping your options open and dating other guys. If you choose this option be sure to add value to his life, you don’t just want to be “another girl”. However, keep in mind this can only go on so long because eventually you will move on, if you do this right. Reason being, you should be dating other guys who are a viable option for you. If this guy really likes you he will shape up in time, right before you move on.
Your second option is friend-zone him, and find a guy who is actually in the mental space to want a committed relationship. They are out there waiting on you.
BUT..whatever you do, don’t just get into a relationship, just to be in one. Settling is so not cute!
I recently ran into an old friend from High School, we exchanged numbers and I text him like a week later. He expressed to me how he always like me but I was only into school, that I was his high school sweetheart. I had no idea he felt this way about me and it sent me into shock.
He asked me out the next day and my response was “um.” Honestly I was still taking in everything he expressed to me the day before and how much love he had. He asked me if it was too soon and indecisively I responded “yeeeeea.”
a few days later after I processed his feelings and I processed my own, I expressed to him how I wish I would of said yes the first time, that I wanted to be with him and I knew he’d be good for me.
this is the exact text he responded with:
“truth is ‘im not ready for a relationship and can be friends. my job takes so much time and plus i’m gonna start school ebony and its not that i’m trying to avoid you its that I get no time for me AND its frustrating!! so i’m sorry ok”
my heart broke and I couldn’t understand what was happening and what I should do. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted , if I go down the list he’s the PERFECT guy for me (yes I said perfect)
I don’t want to loose him … what do I do now?
Hi Ebony!
Look at this as a blessing in disguise. He obviously doesn’t know what he wants, and you my friend can do nothing with a guy who doesn’t know what he wants. You dig?
So, don’t sweat it. If he doesn’t want a relationship then he doesn’t. At least he is being honest with you. He could have gotten with you, then cheated on you.
Cut your losses, there is a guy out there for you. He is wishy washy it seems. Don’t get your heart wrapped up in this. If and when he is ready, he will let you know. Until then, don’t fret just be cool, and see what happens. Stop putting so much pressure on this and just try to have fun. Ok?
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