Help My Husband Is Addicted to Drugs

Lily Ann writes:

Dear Chauntel,

I d0n’t kn0w what do. I need advice. My husband is a drug abuser, and our relationship is not working. However, I love him and so do our children.

We have tried to come to an agreement, but it is useless. How long will I wait for him to be a good man and not always lie? I want to leave him, but its really hurtful. I don’t want to regret anything. I feel like it would be ruining my own family. I am also dealing with verbal abuse from him.

Please help me Chauntel!

Hi Lily Ann,

You are in a very difficult situation, and I am sorry that you have to endure such pain. However, I applaud you for admitting that this is a challenge in your lifScreen Shot 2014-10-30 at 1.20.16 PMe and seeking for a way to face it.

It is essential that your husband receives professional help. However, he has to be ready and willing to seek out this help. Neither you nor anyone else can make him change, it has to be a conscious decision that he wants to make in his life.

It reminds me of the metaphor, you can bring a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink.

So here is my advice to you, seek some spiritual counseling for yourself and for your children. If you are not involved in a church I think now is a great time to introduce yourself and your children to the comfort and support that God brings.

Then, I want you to utilize the resources around you to get your husband the help that he needs and deserves. If he is willing to receive help great, you guys can work towards a positive future. If you are not able to find resources around you. I have a list of Crisis Help Resources here on my website that should be of use to you. Here is the link.

In addition, if he is causing harm to you and your children and is not in the mindset to receive help or make a change you will have to part ways with him. I know that this is a very difficult situation to be in, and no wife wants to leave her husband. However, you have to consider you and your children’s safety and well being.

I hope that he is willing to receive help to break this bad habit and find spiritual peace within himself as well, but it is truly his decision to make.

You can bring him to the water of life, but he has to choose to follow you and take the steps necessary to try to make a better life for you and your children.

If he does not, he will leave you with no choice but to part ways.

I will be praying for you and your family. I hope it works out, and I wish you all the best!

Peace and Love!

Chauntel

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Khloe Kardashian’s Break-up Ends on Good Terms – Don’t Burn Bridges

Screen Shot 2014-10-29 at 11.39.22 AMHello Jewels and Gems!

Khloe Kardashian has endured a lot of heartache and pain during her time on “Keeping up with the Kardashians”. She has experienced a self-identity crisis, a quick and complicated marriage that was always under scrutiny, and a messy divorce. To top it all off her new relationship with, Moroccan born rapper, French Montana has encountered a change, from boyfriend to friend.

Khloe says that she and French Montana are still on good terms. In an interview with Us Weekly, Khloe stated: “I love memories…and I still talk to him. There’s no bad blood or anything.”

We can definitely take a few notes from Khloe. Relationships can be very tricky, romantic or otherwise. At times we do not control whether they will end well or cause grave confusion afterward. However, if we have a chance to preserve the integrity of the relationship we must take that chance.

Although, every romantic relationship will not endure to the end, we must do our best to make the best of the situation. Even-though two people may choose to part, they must do their best to keep the peace. If they burn the bridge between them, which once housed their relationship, they may find that one-day they need to revisit that path again, only to remember that their mistakes left them with nothing to return to. Even if the person you are with is not the bridge you need to cross, they may be connected to it. Which means that burning the first bridge, destroyed any possibility of crossing the next.

The 6 Degrees of Separation Theory can have a huge effect here. It explains that we are connected, the world over, and only separated by no more than 6 people between us. Scary if you think about it huh? Well, this further proves my point, don’t be that person that destroys everything and everyone in your path. Instead, take the high road, if for nothing else but a display of your great character. You will be a better person for it!

Peace and Love!

Chauntel

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Ariana Grande Wants Bigger Boobs – Don’t Change Yourself for Anyone

Screen Shot 2014-10-24 at 9.51.46 AMHello Jewels and Gems!

I was hoping that sweet Ariana Grande would stay out of the media for such stories, but Hollywood has a way of making our young stars grow up so fast!

21-year-old singer Ariana has been dating Big Sean, and rumor has it that he has her considering life altering changes that will showcase “a little more of her”.

Oh, Ariana, don’t do it for the guy! He could be here today and gone tomorrow. Plus, why would you want to be with  a man who makes you insecure about your own body? He should love and embrace you for who you are.

Getting breast implants is a lifetime commitment. So Jewels if you ever choose to go get some done. Make sure it is for you, if you do it for a man, you might find yourself resenting him one day. Also look into the risks and maintenance of them.

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Does Size Matter?

Go Eww writes:
Hey Chauntel,
You give great advice and your point of view is different in a good way , at least to me it is. My question is very different I’m sure but w/e.
I’ve been seeing this beautiful girl she’s black and I’m half black myself, and our chemistry is perfect,everyone seems to think I’m really good looking and she tells me all the time.
I know she wants to get in bed with me for a fact the only reason it hasn’t happened yet is because I’m 6.5 inches long and I really wanted your opinion on this.
Like am I enough to leave her pleased, like i said very,but could you please write back to me, and understand I don’t mean to rude or gross at all.
I need to get rid of these nervous butterflies, I appreciate it thanks.

Hi Go Eww,

Thanks for your email, and for your kind words.
Screen Shot 2014-10-24 at 8.38.36 AMHere is my opinion, if you have watched enough of my videos you would know that although, I do my best to take a unbiased stance, my advice is given from my perspective.
With that in mind, you should also know that I am Christian. I believe that sex should be saved for marriage.
Moreover, to answer your question specifically, if you go into a physical relationship with her before there are real feelings there, it will be more of a physical expectation that she will have for you.
Meaning, if she considers your size too small for her it will be more of an issue if you go into a physical relationship too soon. If time passes, and you build feelings for each other your specific physical attributes will be less of a focus. Now, don’t get me wrong they will still have an impact, but it won’t be the only thing she has to base her decision on, on whether or not she wants to continue a relationship together.
Therefore, I recommend you wait to have sex, take it slow. If she really cares for you, she will accept you just the way God made you, just for who you are.
There is no need to be nervous, if its meant to be it will be. If she is not attracted to you it won’t work anyway. So, be confident in what you have and give the best version of yourself. That is all you can do.
If she doesn’t accept, well then on to the next! There will be another woman out there who will love every part of you and not want to change anything! You dig?
I Hope This Helps!
Chauntel
email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Nick Cannon Covers His Mariah Tattoo – Don’t Brand Yourself With Permanent Ink

Hello Jewels and Gems!

Screen Shot 2014-10-10 at 11.29.47 AMYa, I know, I am going to get a lot of flack from this post.

So, I am sure that you have heard the Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey separated earlier this year. Before, I get into the particulars I would like to say, I am so sad about this split.

I think he is handling it with class. In an interview with Extra he stated: “I just wish her nothing but the best, We’re in contact constantly. You know, you might have an off night here and there, but she’s one of the greatest performers and entertainers of all time. She’s not worried. We’re not worried. Just going to keep pushing.”

I did always think they were cute! Although, she is a lot of woman for him. Man, this is sad. With him speaking so highly of her, maybe one day they will reconcile. What do you think? Vote below….

Anyway, originally Nick decided to get Mariah tattoo across his upper back. Now, he has replaced it with a much larger tattoo that appears to be an emblem of Jesus. I do like the symbolism in that he is creating the image that Christ is first in his life, but we have to remember no man or woman can ever or should ever fill that space in the first place.

Screen Shot 2014-10-10 at 11.31.56 AMI know that there are those people who love tattoos, and they mean a lot to them, but your skin is so beautiful why put permanent ink on it. Furthermore, if you completely disagree with me on tattoos in general, I get it, but at least stray away from names of your boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse. There are plenty of other ways to show your love. Then you won’t have to “cover it up”.

Here is how I see it, God made your body beautiful just the way it is, and permanent ink was never meant to mix with you bloodstream. Just think about it.

Peace and Love!

Chauntel

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Stress Can Cause a Break up – Advice to Jason Derulo and Jordan Sparks on their Split

It’s Celebrity Tuesday again Jewels and Gems!

Screen Shot 2014-09-30 at 2.28.21 PMSo, if you haven’t heard yet, during his interview with Ryan Seacrest, singer Jason Derulo hinted at the fact that the “Pressure of Marriage” contributed to his split from the gorgeous former American Idol Winner, Jordan Sparks.

In his interview Derulo added that their busy schedules contributed to time apart, which added stress to their relationship.

It is important to remember that when you put stress on a relationship it can cause it to crumble. When it comes to dating, at the point that the two people involved in the relationship want divergent things stress can begin to strain the relationship.

Screen Shot 2014-09-30 at 2.29.04 PMThis is why compromises are made. They are made to account for the negatives and divergent ideas that arise within a relationship. However, all things cannot be compromised. They should not be. It reminds of the saying my mom always told me: “If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything”. So some people’s views and passions will ultimately separate them. There is not getting around that.

When relationships split, it is sad. It doesn’t matter how much you understand why it has to end this way, they do, and accepting it can be hard.

So, here is my advice to Jason and Jordan. In life we meet amazing people that play a grave impact on us. Some more than others. We must take those experiences, appreciate them, and sometimes in time we must move on. The next time around you will be stronger and better than before, if you wisely take note of why it didn’t work out and apply that to making better decisions in the future you will eventually end up with what you are looking for. Hopefully, that includes a happy ending for both of you.

Who knows what really happened between Jason and Jordan right? I think we need both sides of the story.

Lets go with idea that what he implied about her pressuring him into marriage to be true. When it comes to pressuring a man for marriage, its not a good idea. If you want it to last both of you must be all in. It takes work to have a successful marriage. You have to take that very serious.

Screen Shot 2014-09-30 at 2.50.26 PMNow, if you  have decided that marriage is something you want, I do believe it is important to be mindful of the amount of time you are dating someone. If there seems to be no future commitment and that is in your life plan, I see nothing wrong with walking away from a relationship when enough time has passed. If talks of marriage have not risen at all in 2 years, by my clock its looking iffy. By year 3, some direction should have been shared. Even-though there is no magic number explaining how long is too long. If something hasn’t happened between the 3rd and 5th year, I would start asking questions. Anytime before that I think is too early to walk away. I mean give the guy some time. At-least talk about it first before you call it quits! Some women have a number in their head, and if dude misses the deadline she walks away. I am not a fan of that method! Talk to him, see if you want the same things, if not then you can confidently walk away, not fearful that you left something behind! – I know TANGENT!

I would also like to say, that generally speaking your romantic partner is suppose to be you oasis away from the stressors in your life. So, if you are causing stress in your relationship re-adjust yourself. If your partner is causing stress within the relationship be sure to have a serious conversation with them letting them know how you feel. Don’t wait until it gets worse. Address it now!

Happy Life = Let Go Of the Stressors and move on. Or in better words: Let Go and Let God!

I Hope That Helps!

Chauntel

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First Kiss Kissing Tips – How to Prevent Loud Kissing Noises

12-year-old Emily writes from North Carolina writes:

by Ambro

by Ambro

Hi Chauntel,

I need advice on my first kiss…….how do u stop those sloppy noises from happening……I know it’s natural but some really loud ones aren’t.

Hi Emily,

What a cute question!

Since you are 12-years-old I must begin with a disclaimer:

Before you get into a kissing relationship always know that you must set boundaries first. You don’t want to get into a situation with a guy who makes you feel pressured to do anything that you don’t want to do or are not ready for. So it is important to establish those boundaries first, before getting into the situation. Since you are one of my Jewels, I will give you one primary rule that you must follow, make sure he keeps his hands around your waist, not above or below. If he tries anything funny politely move his hands back where they belong, he will get the hint!

Ok, so on to answering your question specifically, to avoid loud noises when kissing keep the following two things in  mind:

1. Make Sure Your Lips are Not Too Wet – Wetness On your lips creates a Smacking Noise. However, in the same breath, I don’t recommend chapped lips.

2. Don’t Kiss Too Fast – The slower the kiss the less noise it makes.

With these two things in mind, don’t get too caught up on the logistics. Just have fun with it!

When kissing though keep in mind that you feelings can get attached, and it might be too soon for a very serious relationship if you know what I mean. Take your time with this and let it happen naturally when and how it is suppose to. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Don’t Date Your Brothers Girlfriend – Advice to Joe Jonas – Celebrity Tuesdays

Look out Nick Jonas, it looks like your older brother Joe might be making a move on your x-supermodel girlfriend, Gigi Hadid. MailOnline reported that Nick and Gigi dated on and off during 2012 and 2013.

GC Images Nick & Gigi

GC Images Nick & Gigi

Rumor has it that Joe Jonas has been spending a considerable amount of time with the beautiful Sports Illustrated model!

When it comes to sibling rivalry this is not an area you want to get caught up in. Much can be forgiven, but when it comes to love and relationships this can prove to be a bit more challenging.

So here is my advice to Joe. Even-though, the girl might be gorgeous, and you may also love what you see inside, no girl is worth causing tension between brothers.

It may seem easier to date Gigi, because she is familiar. However, it can be limiting to stay in your comfort zone and not take the time to explore new relationships.

In order to grow and prosper sometimes we have to take ourselves our of our comfort zones and see how the grass is on the other side.

Nick and Joe Jonas - by RadarOnlineA relationship between brothers must be strong. You must consider how it makes your brother feel to know that you are dating his EX. Even if he says ok, it is never ok.

So lets not be selfish, there are plenty of beautiful women out there waiting in line to be your boo!

Just Think About It!

Chauntel

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Advice to Gabrielle Union – How to Marry a Man with Children – Celebrity Tuesdays

Screen Shot 2014-09-16 at 9.41.26 AMAdding to the tradition of expanding my blog topics. I will be writing love and life advice to celebrities on Tuesdays. Feel free to apply this advice to your life, love and relationships! BTW this was my husbands idea, and I have to hand it to him, he is awesome! Shout out to DavD Beats!

Here was my first post  in this category that I wrote to Kim and Kanye when they were married. The title of this post was: Advice to Kim Kardashian & Kayne West on How to Survive Year 1 of Marriage, CLICK TO READ

So here it goes!

Two beautiful and talented people tied the not last month, actress Gabrielle Union, 41, and Miami Heat player Dwyane Wade, 32. They celebrated their nuptials in Miami, Florida. It was a family affair which they shared with Dwyane’s adorable boys.

When you first get married there is a transition period where you get to know the good, the bad, and the ugly. There are expectations and realities that are not present in a dating relationship that you begin to learn and witness once you get married. The first year of marriage can be considered difficult because it is a transition period. Both parties are learning their new roles, while simultaneously still attempting to keep a sense of self.

Screen Shot 2014-09-16 at 9.32.45 AMThis becomes even more difficult when children are added to the equation because not only are you dealing with the transition into becoming a husband or a wife, but you also have to make a transition to be mommy and daddy. Doing this simultaneously can prove to be difficult. It forces you to take on twice as many responsibilities, and it can put a strain on your relationship. Therefore, it is essential that you handle it with care and stay flexible!

Having children in your life is a true blessing from God! As much of a blessing as they are, it takes hard work to be a parent. If you choose to marry into a family with children, you not only marry your spouse but you also marry their children. You should be prepared to be a parent and treat them fairly. You have to become self-less and learn that you have to show them love. You must also realize that this is going to be a slow growing process. There will be times where you will get along and other times where you will not see eye-to-eye. However, you must note that this is a full time job that you cannot choose to quit. You have to hang in there and build up the relationship.

If you are the spouse who is bringing the children into the new marriage, choose wisely. You should never choose to marry anyone who does not love and respect your children. If you do you will regret it and the marriage will be sour.

Screen Shot 2014-09-16 at 1.23.05 PMWhen considering time together with your spouse you must know that their time will be split between you and their children, and you should be happy with the fact that they love and want to take care of their children. If they don’t take care of their children what makes you think that they will take care of you?

With this in mind it is also important that both spouses set time aside for just the two of you. It is important that you have that bonding time, especially when you first get married. You must consider time with both your spouse and their children, who will now be called YOUR children. Many marriages struggle as a result of a difference of opinions on how to spend money and how to raise children.

As a result having children can add stress to a relationship, so it is absolutely essential that the bride and groom discuss their expectations long before the choose to get married. This way there are not any huge surprises, and with God’s help the rest can be communicated through! Always keep him at the center of your relationship, and the head of your children’s lives, and everything will work out just fine! In fact, you will find yourself to be a happy and healthy family!

Congrats to Gabrielle and Dwayne and all of you other newly married couples with children! We are rooting for ya!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Keeping Your Marriage Happy – Marriage Mondays

by imagerymajestic

by imagerymajestic

Hey Jewels & Gems!

I have decided to expand my horizons a bit! Here is a new series on my blog! It may spill over into my YouTube channel who knows! It is entitled Marriage Mondays! I did write one a while back, to try it out! You guys seemed to like it so lets get it going! Even if you are not married some of these posts may still help with those of you in relationships!

Click: First Marriage Mondays Post

So here it goes!

The little things matter! In love and marriage, it is important to always remember that your spouse may not always outwardly express what they may be feeling, but it is your job to stay in tune with not only their needs but also their wants!

Not only does this make them feel special, but it also makes them feel needed and wanted. Sometimes we find ourselves so wrapped up in our own worlds that we forget to stop and assess what’s going on around us.

small arrowIt is during these times, that the ones closest to us, might find themselves needing us the most. So, we have to, as they say “take time to smell the roses”. Slow down and connect with your spouse, so that you can attend to what they need.

Did you know that 93% of communication happens nonverbally. There was a study done by Dr. Albert Mehrabian, author of Silent Messages. He found that only 7% of communication happens through words and 38% is expressed through vocal elements. More the 55% is communicated through nonverbal elements such as facial expressions, gestures, posture, and related body language.

Next to God, your spouse has to be the second top priority in your life, more than work or other activities. If they are not happy, it will begin to effect each of you individually; then it will begin to effect your marriage.

So pay close attention to both their verbal and nonverbal cues. If you only listen to the words that you hear and ignore what you see, you are truly missing out on 93% of the bigger picture. Give it a try this week, be attentive to your spouses wants as well as their needs and see just how much you make them smile! Attention to nonverbal cues is essential to keeping a happy marriage!

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

Have a Marriage Monday Topic Idea?

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