A harsh reality is that many people around us are hurting. At times they cannot see a way to overcome their pain and circumstances. It is during these times that we have to be there to show our love and support.
This post is inspired by a viewer who sent me a question recently about wanting to prevent themselves from committing suicide.
To the Person Having Suicidal Thoughts:
You are Loved
It is important for you to know that you are loved. It may seem like everyone and everything around you is going downhill and out of your control, but even during the times that you feel alone just know that you are loved. Even if the people around you do not show you love, God loves you.
Remind yourself that you matter. At times we feel unwanted and unneeded because people in our lives have made us feel like we are not important. Don’t let those horrible people define you. If you were not here, someone would miss you. In most cases many will miss you.
You Have a Purpose Exclusive to You
If you didn’t know it, you have a purpose. There are specific gifts and talents that have been given to you that no one can take away. Even if you have been told that you are not good enough, strong enough, smart enough, you have to believe that you are.
Sometimes it takes time to define your purpose in life. However, it is important for you to know that no one can live your purpose for you. You were made by God for a specific reason. Only you can find that, and if you take it upon yourself to take your life you are robbing the world of your gifts and talents.
Life is Worth Living
Even during the hard times, you must remember that your life is truly worth living. There is nothing so bad in life that you should take your on life. There is always another option. You have other choices. There is a way to make your situation and your circumstance better, but you have to allow time and effort to make those changes happen.
Many times when a person is having suicidal thoughts its because they spend too much time alone. Sometimes we rob ourselves of time with others for one reason or another, but we all need someone. You cannot live life alone. You were not born alone, you didn’t live alone(within reason there is always someone near you even if they are a house away), and if you can help it you shouldn’t die alone.
Get Professional Help
If you have someone around you that you can trust talk to that individual, and let them know what is going on with you, this way they can be there to support you. They can also assist you in finding the help that you need and deserve.
It is important for you to find professional help. Therefore, seek out a therapist or psychologist who can support you. They will help you to talk it out and identify the root of your problem so that you can continue moving forward.
Crisis Help Resources
I have some resources available for you here on my website. There are prayer hotlines as well as suicide hotlines that you can utilize if you are in a crisis listed on that page.
To Friends Providing Support
An individual who is having suicidal thoughts really needs your support. They probably won’t want help, but guide them to the help that they need. Make sure that the key players in their lives are aware of what is going on. Check in with them often and make sure that they are okay. Make sure that they know that they are loved and have a place in your life.
Whatever you do, do not turn a blind eye to this situation, and be sure that they are receiving help and talking it through. They may not want to be around people, but insure that they are. Too much time alone can result in more time for them to get deeper into their depression. Realize that this is a real thing, that they can overcome.
If you have every been through a difficult time in your life where you experienced molestation this video should provide you with some help and comfort. Share it with others who you think will find it helpful!
I was hoping that sweet Ariana Grande would stay out of the media for such stories, but Hollywood has a way of making our young stars grow up so fast!
21-year-old singer Ariana has been dating Big Sean, and rumor has it that he has her considering life altering changes that will showcase “a little more of her”.
Oh, Ariana, don’t do it for the guy! He could be here today and gone tomorrow. Plus, why would you want to be with a man who makes you insecure about your own body? He should love and embrace you for who you are.
Getting breast implants is a lifetime commitment. So Jewels if you ever choose to go get some done. Make sure it is for you, if you do it for a man, you might find yourself resenting him one day. Also look into the risks and maintenance of them.
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I love your videos I wish I was as confident as you are!
I recently have a boyfriend of 4 months who’s 26 and who I deeply love and care about.
We have never been too intimate, we never had our clothes off or touched each other let alone have sex. We’ve been only kissing and hugging.
The reason we never did this is because I’m a very insecure girl when it comes to my body. I’m natural skinny, have small boobs and a small a**. On top of that my boobs are asymmetric uneven which makes me more insecure.
My insecurity came from my ex verbally abusive boyfriend who would always say something negative about my body.
He would say things like “you have some chicken arms and legs” – “you have no booty” – “you should eat more”. He always say that he’s just joking and that I should know that he’s only ‘joking’.
But it’s not just my ex boyfriend who used to say that, my family too.
They always used to tease me like “you’re skinny cause you don’t eat a lot” – “you’re like a walking stick” – “people can break you in 2”.
It really really hurts my feelings say those things to me. I can’t do anything about how God made me 😦 If I could I would. Whatever I eat I just don’t gain weight. So that really damaged my self esteem and made me more self conscious.
I became so self conscious to the point where I used to put, hip and breast pads to create some curves so I can feel better and look more ‘attractive’.
I met my current boyfriend while I was wearing those pads. I always remove his hands when he gets near those places cause in afraid he might feel something strange. I’m afraid to get intimate with him and put my pads off he will see that I don’t have those curves and might like me less or even worse leave me.
I created something that I’m not, and now it’s getting in between me and the guy that I love.
So far he’s been really patient and he’s a very understanding guy but at some point he’ll lose his patience cause he got needs as well and would want to get intimate with me. Always talk about it, but I always try to avoid that subject he asks me why I won’t be intimate.
My question for you is:
How can I get pass this? Do I tell him about the pads or not?
And How do I become more confident about my body?
If you would help I would really appreciate that!!!!
Love you girl!
Wow there is so much to address here! I want to start off by saying thanks so much for your kind words. I am so glad that you have been enjoying my videos! It means so much!
So let’s take your question piece by piece, ok?
I am so glad that you have been able to find a guy that you are into that is also into you! That is so fun, right? I would just like to point out that, although the physical part is important to address, intimacy goes beyond just the physical. However, I do understand that you are in a situation where you feel that he is looking to get more physical. This is just as much your decision as it is his, so be sure that you are not rushing into or forcing it before it is time.
In my eyes its not such a bad thing that you have only been hugging and kissing! From my videos, I am sure that you know that I am Christian and believe in abstinence. So, my hope is that you will save yourself for marriage. Ultimately, this is your decision, but I want point out that based on your beliefs, values, and emotions, you must decide if and when you’re ready to go all the way with him.
Now, let’s talk about you being insecure about your body. We all have something about our body that we dislike and wish to mask. Some people even go as far as to change themselves through surgeries, but I am with you sista, God made us just as we are and we should embrace ourselves as such.
The only reason that we feel insecure about ourselves is because we find ourselves comparing ourselves to others. No good can come from that because we were all made completely differently.
As far as this ex-boyfriend of yours. He is scum. I am glad you were able to recognize the fact that he left you emotionally scarred. Knowing that alone will help you begin the healing process. Many times when people begin to tear us down, its because of their own insecurities. However, words hurt, but what you have to do is release those negative thoughts that he put into your head about yourself so that you can move forward with your life. Don’t give him this kind of power over you and allow it to effect your self worth. You have to let him and everything that came with him go. There is no need for you to carry around that emotional baggage that he has given you. Leave it for him to pick up.
No matter what he or your family has said about you. God made you to be just who you are and no one should dare try to challenge that. Who are they to question God’s creation. Sometimes, the people closest to us can be the most critical. The crucial part about it is their words can have the most impact. Why? Because they are close to our hearts and their words are just that much closer to tugging and tearing down our heart strings.
However, you have the power to overcome their horrible words and the pain that they have given you.
I would like to share a verse with you: Psalms 139:14
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
There is also a song that I will leave in the end of this post, called “Overcomer” it is powerful and uplifting! Once you let go of everyone’s horrible words and stop carrying around their pain with you, you will begin to breathe better. Then, I need you to stop comparing yourself to everyone else. Once you accept the fact that you were wonderfully made by God, and he loves you just the way you are you will begin to build confidence in your body. Do not compare yourself to other people because you will always be disappointed. Why? Because we are not the same and there is a true beauty in that right?
Yes, you should absolutely share the truth with your guy. If he really cares about you, although he may be shocked that will not run him away. However, if he is only with you for your body then he may not respond so well, but guess what if that is the case you don’t want him anyway.
You are absolutely going to be ok. Just prepare yourself mentally for the conversation because you do not know how he is going to react. Give him some time though, be patient with him. He may be upset with you initially, because essentially you have been lying to him non-verbally.
So be patient with him, and share this information because until you do your relationship cannot move forward!
I Hope This Helps, and I love you to girl! I also want to share with you a radio podcast that I recorded last summer. The title of the show is “Is Body Image Mental or Physical?”
I this question comes from a youtube viewer named Jessica Roberts! I screen-shot her question below.
The best way to convince your mom or dad to let you have an Instagram is to show them that you are responsible. Many times your parents may have a hard time with allowing you to use social media accounts because they are afraid that you are not mature enough to handle the responsibility.
The truth is that owning social media really has become apart of what we do and who we are socially, but it also forces you to mature very quickly. What you post on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Youtube, etc…. can effect you for the rest of your life.
I know that, that sounds a little over-kill, but it is so true. It is called your online footprint. Once it is posted it is available for all to see and even if you delete it, it may have already been screen-shot or recorded. So at 11 or 12 years old that is a lot of responsibility in your hands. This is most likely why your parents are choosing to be so selective with allowing you to have an Instagram account.
Having an Instagram account is not necessarily a bad thing, but if you are not responsible with what you post it can be.
So with all that being said, the best thing to do in your situation is show yourself to be responsible and trustworthy. And ask your parents at the appropriate time. It may take a few times, and it may not happen as soon as you would like but in due time they should let up.
Be patient and don’t try to sneak behind their backs to do it. If you do and they find out you will be in a much worse situation.
At this point that is all you can do. When you do finally get an Instagram account be wise with what you post. You don’t want to post something that can come back to bite you later if you know what I mean! 🙂